Epilogue--Day 762

Heeeeello, readers!

I have certainly missed you. Though admittedly, living my life instead of writing about my life has freed up quite a bit time. I had wanted to update on June 1st, but I just couldn't put it all down. Didn't have the right flow. And now it's July 1st so I thought I'd just type and see what happens!

Capote, Filibusters, and Reggae AKA Weekdays

What I miss the most about blogging is giving some weight to each day. I like being able to take some small idea and write a whole entry about it. But again, it's nice simply living the day-to-day instead of living with a constant voice-over in my head. Here's my average week these days:

(Last) Monday: Monday was the start of my 3rd week as editor. I finished up an article about Project PRISM, the secret government surveillance program that has collected millions of citizens' phone records and internet information. I also finished up an article about Google's Project Loon, the plan to release high-altitude balloons with WiFi transceivers attached to them to broadcast more internet access to developing nations. I also went to Starbucks to work on some freelance writing.

Tuesday: My boyfriend's new nephew was born. :) The bf was in a really great mood that day and surprised me by taking us out to dinner in PB near the water.

Wednesday: Normally Wednesday is Farmer's Market day, but a few months back we got these cheap tickets to see Damian Marley. HOLY SHIT. Amazing show. Sick rapping, amazing raggae, tons of energy, AND we were in the front fucking row.

Thursday: Sleep. I was rather useless at work. I got some stuff started, like this how-to guide of how a small business can make a big impression, but my brain was pretty tired from the night before.

Friday: I usually meet with friends on Fridays at the local bar/s for a Cosmo or a Sprint, but this Friday was more low-key. I'm a news junkie, so I've been enjoying reading every source available about the Supreme Court overturning DOMA which protects gay marriage on a federal level. I also read up on the Wendy Davis filibuster of the restrictive anti-choice anti-abortion bill in Texas. It's all about individual choices and the government staying out of personal business. #teamWendyDavis #teamEdieWindsor.

Our traveling neighbor came over at night and shared a blunt with the bf as we all watched the Vice episode of 'Dennis Rodman goes to North Korea'. Creepy shit, North Korea. I finished the night with Real Time with Bill Maher and tried to read a few more pages of my Truman Capote short story collection.

Saturday: The bf and I took our recently graduated Grad Student Roommate to the airport for her East Coast family reunion. We swung by the Canadian Roommate's restaurant but she wasn't working. So I made us some bacon and eggs and we watched this Brynt Gumble special about the historic African-American Baseball League. A long walk and some couple time later and I spent the rest of the night writing and bouncing from Buzzfeed to Flavorwire.

Sunday: The bf and I went to a matinee of The Heat (because the first showing of the day is 50% off). The movie was funny but relied way too much on cheap shots. The bf calls movies "two hour-long cigarettes." 'It's the same packaging. You use one, then another, and another, and it's all the same thing.'

The rest of the day was spent walking, sharing a pretzel, debating about whether wanting to see Wanda Sykes or Stephen Hawking in person is being a "scene-ster", and watching news coverage of DOMA and abortion rights. I will never understand why the party of "small government" is so hell-bent on government intrusion.
 
Expectations vs You Know, Reality

Honestly, I never had any real clear picture of what I wanted my life to be like post-college, but I certainly had a few hopes here and there. Maybe while walking through Urban Outfitters I'd want an apartment decked out in hipster wears, or maybe while working as the Fiction Editor of my university's lit magazine I wished that I could be a real editor one day, ect. So in no short order, here are my general hopes/expectations vs relativity.

Expectations of what I hoped I’d be like in post-college life	Reality of my post-college life
Editor at a book publisher/magazine-type place	Editor at a website company
Pencil skirts and heels	Cotton dresses and ballet flats
Hot boyfriend working in advocacy or law	Hot boyfriend who owns the only medical marijuana testing lab in San Diego, when only 18 states have legalized medical marijuana, and only 2 states have full legalization
Living in an apartment decked out in an Urban Outfitter hipster look, or a World Market/Pottery Barn adult look	Living in a beach house with the decor of Christmas lights, postcards, and books
Living in Portland, Oregon	Living in San Diego, California
2-3 really close best friends	Lots of friends living all over the place, and finally starting to make some friends in SD
Rich-ish	Poor-ish. Enough to pay bills and live a pretty fun life, but I stress out at restaurants when they refill my drink, and I’m usually too terrified to look at my bank account.
General stability of job, relationships, and place	I’ve had 3 jobs and 2 internships, and have lived in 2 different places in the past two years. I suppose it makes life more interesting not to be stuck, but it's a bit stressful to feel like I still don't have a clear direction
Hillary Clinton for president	Hillary Clinton for president 2016

For the most part, I'm pretty aligned with what I wanted. But I'm certainly not where I want to be. Especially when I work at a job that can fire me at any point and I only make $5 MORE AN HOUR THAN WHEN I WAS 18. Still, I think I'm in an upward motion. More more more. More publications, more friends, more activism, more art, more experiences, moving forwards towards...something.

College, the Bubble I Only Sorta Miss

Do I miss college? Not as much as I thought I would. I certainly miss some things like the noise and the community.

And I certainly miss my friends. I miss our constant parties and lunch dates and long walks shooting the shit. I do miss days punctuated by jelly shots, Undie Runs, library dusk, and throwing the kind of Cupcake Party that got so crazy the police were called over. But...I was ready to go.

I am glad for a few things. I'm glad I went to a school outside of my home state. It was good for me to be exposed to new ideas. I'm glad I went to a party school. Going to a 24/7 party in the desert got me out of comfort zone, and I'm really privileged for all the fun we had. And I'm glad I took that extra year. Yes, it put me behind in life. But I also felt done with college. I got to the highest level I could get there and it was time to move on. I don't idolize college because I was ready for something better.

Best/Worst Decisions Made in Year 1 and 2

In Year 1 I didn't really know what I wanted. So I think it was smart for me to take on that internship at the book publishing house, and I think it was good that I quit that coffee shop job when I knew it wasn't the right fit, and I think it was good that I didn't live with my boyfriend the whole time (though it wasn't the right fit house for me to live in either). I wish that I had quit the hotel job sooner than I did. But I was desperate in needing to pay bills and that fear kept me in place. 

In Year 2 the best thing I did was quit the fucking awful hotel job. They cut my hours that last week and asked for my uniform back AS I WAS WEARING IT. I'm really glad I took that 3 week trip to Seattle, Portland, SJ, DC, and New York. I didn't find the "home" I was looking for, but I did find pieces that I didn't realize were important to me in a place: style, ambition, and lots of coffee shops and trees. I'm mostly glad that I did that brief internship with the magazine because it helped me get my current writing job now. Grandma says that "Nothing is a waste of time if you learned something from it" and as long as I'm moving forward I think it's all good.

Predictions for Year 3 

The big WHAT'S NEXT? I don't know. I wish that I had some sort of concrete goal in mind, but there's still a blank spot in my imagination of what I see myself eventually doing. If I could blend journalism with women's issues I think that would be the happy medium.

Of course, there's the big WHERE? The funny thing about living in San Diego for as long as I have is that I finally really like it here. I'm finally understanding how lucky I am to live here. I love the farmers markets, the perfect weather, the ability to walk past the ocean every day on my way to get some tea or meet some friends at a local bar, and I love that the hippy culture that is still so fiercely local. Nonetheless, I still know that I have a glass ceiling here. The biggest magazine I could work for is San Diego Magazine, the biggest newspaper is the right-winged Union Tribune, the bigger nonprofit is something you've never heard of, and so on.

I'm a California girl with an affection for the Pacific Northwest and a career path better suited for the East Coast. This year I'd like to check out Denver. And I'd like to check out DC and Seattle again if I can afford it.  So I dunno. I think this year I really just want to focus on building up my publication resume and seeing where that takes me. 

Wanna Know a Secret? Real Life is Better 

What have I really learned in Year 2 of post-college? That, for all the shitty parts--like shitty jobs, embarrassing paychecks, and crazy roommates--the twenties are pretty fucking cool.

Today is Monday and it was my writer's first day at work. I spent the day scouring for tech news sites willing to take submissions as he wrote two press releases and an internal blog. He's a good writer with a flare for puns, so think it's going to work out just fine.

I tend to spend my Mondays and Tuesdays at the coffee shop listening to the Of Monsters and Men Pandora station and working on my freelance writing but today I just couldn't turn my wheels to the right, and instead drove straight up to the ocean cliffs.

They were absolutely beautiful today. And I called up my Grandma to see what's new. Her druggie neighbors, the Fowls, are finally moving out of the neighborhood after 54 years. Grandma is quite pleased. And she's been making friends every week when she goes to the senior center. I told her that she impresses me, and how that ability to make fast friends is a rare skill. I told her about my work and she told me she was proud of me. She likes that I'm moving up,  not "sideways". We laughed and shared 'I love you's and I drove home past the ocean in my little blue Bug to the beach house I share with my boyfriend and roommates.

The bf and I got dinner at our favorite Vietnamese place and we talked about the rapid progression of civil issues over the past 5 years. Marijuana was the front story of Yahoo! today with a headline wondering if marijuana is now "mainstream". Gay marriage is now protected by the Supreme Court under the argument of "dignity". And as the Padres game played on in the background we both agreed that a woman will make it into an all-male professional sports team in the next 10 years [my guess is with golf].

It's edging towards midnight now and things are as they usually are. Papers and books are all over the place, planes are loud overhead, the neighbors are sharing some cheap beer, and someone's tv is on in the background. Life is good. Happy Year 3, graduates of 2011. I hope you're all doing well tonight :)