4 Years Later...

Somewhere in May, I had suddenly been out of Arizona State for as long as I was in it. And you know, I maintain an earlier statement: College was a fucking blast...but real life is much, much sweeter. Here's a recap of the past year:

Winter 2014/2015 - A Season of Stress and Accomplishment

As you might recall from the previous post, I was on pins and needles about a possible raise. And I wasn't overly happy about it. If I had been told straight up no, or straight up, 'not yet for at least six months,' I would have relaxed. Instead, I treated each day as a crucial test of perfectionism. And you know, maybe that was helpful. Because in January, not only did I get a raise, I got a 15% RAISE. Holy fucking smokes. I pretty much screamed in the car once I got off work that day, haha. Beyond that, the bf and I traveled to Seattle, one of my favorite cities, and spent a romantic Valentine's Day atop the Space Needle.

Spring 2015 - A Season of Anxiety 

I didn't turn into a pumpkin at midnight when I turned 27, but the anxiety monster reared its ugly head as I entered my late 20's. Suddenly, I was painfully aware that I didn't have an R.I.A., 401K, or stocks. There was also some minor roommate drama going on. Nothing serious, but enough to make me re-question the whole living with roommates thing [more on both the money and roommate topics later].

Summer 2015 - A Season of Happy Busy-ness 

Jesus, this past summer was busy--and in a very good way. There were concerts (Kaaboo Festival; Alabama Shakes), baseball games (The Padres even won a few, haha), lady brunch dates, and beach outings. I saw the sun set over the ocean nearly every day and went to a new restaurant every other week. I also got two new roommates-- a teacher of severely autistic kids and part-time swimsuit designer, and a professional dancer who used to own her own ballet studio. Honest to god, they're some of the best roommates I've ever had. I was also busting my fucking butt at work. Which leads me to....

Today, Fall 2015 - A Season of Kicking Ass

I walked into my two-year review with zero expectations. I had gotten a head's up that there was a raise and promotion freeze, but knew I wanted to ask for a Senior Writer spot anyway. Well, my two bosses pretended to glance over my self-created year recap and goals, and said, "Actually, we have something better in mind."

For the past two years I've been working on client X, and for the past 10+ months I've been unofficially managing the blog (and officially managing it since summer). That means writing, editing, dealing with the client, dealing with their bloggers, keeping an editorial calendar, pulling analytics, ect. In my review, my bosses said, 'We like everything you've been doing with the X Blog and want you to do the same for ALL of our clients.' Trust me, I tried to stay cool, but my eyebrows were definitely up to my scalp. I asked to think about it over the weekend to process it, which they chuckled about and agreed. And obviously, I said yes first thing on Monday (well, Tuesday. It was Labor Day weekend).

So there you go! I jumped from a Writer/Editor, past Senior Writer, past Editor, to a Content Manager of Blogs under only the Editor in Chief and Manager of Content. My clients are brands you've heard of. Brands that make billions a year. There's a lot of work to be done, but I'm enjoying the challenge. And to be honest, I was going that direction anyway. More strategy, less writing. Now, I'm a pitch hitter writer, full-time editor, and in meetings every day to strategize ways to improve traffic.

More than anything, I'm enormously flattered. And it makes me think that all those little things were actually noticed and counted. Like the fact that when all the writers were given the chance to work from home a few times a week, I was the only one who said no. I'm the only one who's read the marketing books the CEO leaves in our library. I have the cleanest, most minimalist desk. I'm one of the only writers (if the only) who knows the name of every single person in our 55+ person company [and remember, I was the #6 person hired at the job]. My bosses also like that I'm friends with people in other departments. About once a month, I get brunch with members of the design, social media, and marketing teams, as well as the writing staff.

Finally, in taking over the role, I realize how much more involved I was with my projects. A lot of the writers have never asked to see analytics of their work, never asked for access to their writing calendar, never wanted to be in a strategy meeting, never bought a copy of the AP Style book for their house. I asked for all of these things weeks into all of my projects. For our workshops, only three of us have ever volunteered to host them, and once a quarter I present a TED Talk to the whole company. And these two paragraphs are not meant to talk shit about the other writers. They are some of the best damn writers you've ever met in your life and I dare you to read articles better than anything they produce. What I am talking about is the hustle. That all those little extra bits of hustle paid off. At least, that's how I feel from here :)

The bf has been doing well this season too. I got my promotion the same week he started his new job at one of the top solar companies in the country. I didn't think he'd like his corporate job, but he is. He gets a bonus each time he makes a referral and made six last month, and eight this month. I see the competitiveness in him. I see how he researches solar in his off time. I see how happy he is when he gets a group chat with his teammates or has a company BBQ or movie night to attend. After working at small companies for so long and being a lone wolf type, being in a team with room to grow individually has been a boost to his confidence and I'm really proud of him.

And look, for record's sake, I will say that his prolonged unemployment was tough to deal with. There is unbridled anger when you work your ass off all day, deal with problems, strive to do extra, and then you come home to a partner watching tv or giving you grief for working late or working on projects on the weekend or not understanding why you're so beat after a work day. So it's been much, much needed for him to get back on his feet. Now, when I'm reading a marketing book, I see him reading about his industry on his computer. And when he's working late, I'm working late, and we'll eat out once we're together. It's looking like he'll be promoted to the next level by spring, and I'm rooting him on. The only shitty part is that my weekends are his work days and vice versa. At first, we had our Saturdays together, but that hasn't been the case these past few weeks. Hopefully, that'll change.

As far as daily life these days: Yesterday I presented a TED Talk at work, assigned upcoming blogs, finished writing an article for the company, then came home to an ocean sunset, ate ice cream for dinner because I'm an adult and I can do that if I want to, nearly rented Dark Places from RedBox but instead worked on my San Diego travel website I've been neglecting, and cuddled up with the bf for an early night. Today I'm at the VW dealership getting my car repaired and detailed. I'm hoping the rain staves off for rest of the day, as we're going to an Of Monsters and Men concert tonight. Then tomorrow, I'm doing lady brunch at place down the street. I'd also like to get some reading done. I'm not sure where I put Nine Stories by Salinger, but I need to track it down. I also have Contagious, a marketing book by a professor from UPenn. And Devil in the White City, lent from a co-worker in time for Halloween.

Review of Goals from 4 Years Ago

1.) Get a Job, Preferably a Good One

Check! I work as an editor, writer, and strategist for startup marketing agency.

2.) Live in a Cool House

I still live a block from the beach, with really awesome roommates.

3.) Eat Things Besides Mac and Cheese and Pizza

I've improved in my cooking quite a lot. The bf has gotten better at making brunch and spaghetti and meatballs, and I do the rest. Cooking is an evolving skill.

4.) Do Yoga at Least Twice a Week/Jog a Few Times a Week

Haha, no.

5.) Make a Financial Investment 

I bought stock in my company, but I'll get to this topic in full later.

6.) Have Better Style 

I'm really working on this one. At this point, I've been everywhere and can honestly say that Target, Kohl's, and Macy's are the only places that carry things that fit me. So I just go there and REALLY look, and have started to order things from their websites. Once my agency moves to the new office--which should have a more industrial/hipster/Mad Men feel, I'll feel more comfortable busting into my super nice clothes.

7.) A Year From Now, Be Proud of Something I've Made and Become

Well, I'm certainly happy with my promotion! And I do like my travel website, though I never give it any love. I've always treated it as a parachute, a hustle backup plan, so it doesn't have to be 100% running right now.

8.) Make Friends

Took a hot minute, but yeah, I definitely have some peeps here now. It's also been great to see some old friends come for a visit. Like my one friend who literally showed up for a party for a few hours, crashed on the couch, then left for LA by 8am, haha. It's also been nice seeing my family more this year. I spent quite a bit of time with my mom this past month, and I've been calling my step-dad more often. I can tell he really puffs up in pride when I ask him for career advice.

Goals for Year 5

Roommates - The question of if I should still be living with roommates has come up a lot this year. Here's the thing, and I'm going to do the uncouth thing of telling you how much I make. I make 45k a year--which is pennies for some careers, but about 15k more a year than what most writers make. After California taxes, which are, surprise surprise, steep, plus the amount taken out for the upgraded healthcare I asked for, I take home a little less than $2800 a month. San Diego is the 5th most expensive city in America. Let's repeat that. SAN DIEGO IS THE 5TH MOST EXPENSIVE CITY IN AMERICA. An average studio runs for 1k a month, one-bedroom 1.5k a month, and two-bedroom 2k a month. Sorry, I'm just not willing to spend a 1/3 of my paycheck each month on rent. That's not including utilities, gas, groceries, phone bill, car insurance, car repairs, or anything else.

And with the bf, he's still at entry level, and certainly not willing to use up that much of his paycheck. And sure, I'd like to upgrade in the future--especially with a guest bedroom for friends and family. But for now, we live a block from the beach, have a cool community we enjoy, and we're able to save money/deal with student loans. There are two other considerations as well.

(1) I've been living in this beach town for four years. I love it. I really do. But should I try out this neighborhood for a year, that neighborhood for a year? I don't feel ready to plant a flag and say, 'This is where I'll be.' It might even be good to move out of the grunge for awhile and return if we want to. But hey, it wouldn't be easy to return this close to the ocean.

(2) Holy hell, have you noticed that as soon as you make more, you spend more? I've been hemorrhaging money lately. Especially my car. I love my bug but at eight years old, she's starting to need extra love. Fixed interior roof ($225). Full detail ($150). VW wants me to put in new brakes ($370), other shocks and alignments ($700). I'm going to shop around at Costco and Midas for those parts-- a whole grand to the dealership seems too much. THEN there was the dentist and lasering between my gums and teeth and helping the gums fuse back to their normal place ($380). Plus, now that I've been promoted, I want a better set of work clothes ($200 so far). And there are little things like new glasses ($150), travel shaving bag ($20), new boots ($50).... And let's not forget any fun things. The bf and I want to get season tickets to the theatre to see Book of Mormon ($300 for one) or at least see the Grinch or Nutcracker ($80 for two). Plus, my favorite music festival of the year is coming up: Wrex the Halls ($100 for two).

SOOOO having roommates helps offset those bills. I live a block from the beach, can pay for shit like bills, and still have a good time. So for now, when it comes to us moving out, I'm filing this topic under 'not yet.'
 
Money - As I mentioned toward the beginning, I was really freaking out about long-term investments this year. Yes, I bought stock in my company, but they don't offer a 401k yet and I don't have anything else, aside from a money market with my savings account. Right now, I'm really trying to hit a $ goal in savings and then move some into an R.I.A. or something else. Around Christmas, I'll start reading some Finances for Dummies books and move things over by the beginning of 2016. Plus, see above for everything else I've been paying for lately.

Work - Just keep doing my thing. Traffic is not where we want it to be, so my goal is to see improvement for all of my clients.

Health - [See: eats ice cream for dinner]. Now that I have better health insurance, I need to use it. I very much need to pay the dentist a visit, as well as a general check-up. The closer I get to 30, I know I need to get into better habits.

Entertainment - So much good stuff this year! Can't wait to see the Hunger Games, Suffragette, Macbeth, Star Wars, Sisters, maybe Steve Jobs and Joy. For books, as I said, I have some Salinger waiting to be read, a few business books, the autobiography of Violet Jessop, and Devil in the White City. Once Mindy Kaling's new book is out on paperback, I'll pick it up--ditto with Ruth Bader Ginsburg's biography. Furthermore, the bf and I are looking into getting season tickets to the Civic Center Theatre in order to see Book of Mormon. I've always wanted season tickets to the Old Globe as a 'treat yo self' gift, so I'm pretty stoked on the idea. Well, let me see how much they cost first, haha. Oh, and I keep checking to see when the Wrex the Halls lineup will be announced. It's my favorite show of the year.

Well, I've talked a ton! I'm going to clean up this draft as I listen to Beach Fossils, Broken Bells, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Metric, Cage the Elephant, and Death Cab for Cutie on Pandora. Damn good playlist today. Until next time! [Also, #TeamHillaryClinton2016! Can't wait to vote for her in the primaries.]

Afterword: Year Three (And a Few Months)

Hello, everyone!

Ok, yes, I'm about six months late with my yearly update, but hey, at least it's not the end of the year!

I'm writing to you now in a house a block from the beach where I live with the bf and roommates. There's an Anthropologie candle wafting sweet overpriced glory into the air, and I admit that I'm feeling a bit cluttered these days with our 600+ books, more luggage and backpacks than we know what to do with, clothes that need to be washed, and a few boxes of my college notebooks and pictures I have no idea where to put. I'm currently re-reading "Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair" by Pablo Neruda, I'm debating reading "How Google Works" for work, and I want to re-pick up "All Quiet on the Western Front" from my mom's house.

On to the update. As I'm sitting here listening to "Cigarette Day Dreams" by Cage the Elephant and Ben Gibbard's NPR acoustic set from 2007, I suppose I could start with my day.

I was at the car dealership most of the morning and afternoon getting a part fixed. In many
ways, I was grateful for the break. Work has had me so brilliantly tangled up that I've had little time for any side projects. Today, I finally got some ideas together to submit to BuzzFeed, Thought Catalog, and Bustle. I also watched the "Black Space" video by Taylor Swift about four times in a row and looked up a new bed set from Anthopologie (clearly, I was there yesterday doing some Christmas shopping). Once my car was done, I headed home only to find that my steering wheel would vibrate. I took it back and the bf swooped in to give me a ride home--and bring me In-N-Out. What's love? It's not a knight on a white horse; it's a man in an SVU bringing you a cheeseburger well done with spread and lettuce only.

Which brings me to here. A quiet night, recounting my third year post-college graduation.

When I last left you, I was training my new writer and listening to a ton of Of Monsters and Men. A year plus later, I'm actually at a completely different company and listening to a ton of acoustic sessions from Of Monsters and Men. A few weeks after my last post, I sent out a flurry of resumes, and I'm so very lucky that a co-worker helped me find the job I have now.

I definitely had some pros and cons about working for a start-up with only six people in a small rented room, but a year and two months (and about 15 more employees later), I'm so very glad I took the leap. Which isn't to say there aren't growing pains; there are still several of those.

In essence, I'm a writer and editor for an online marketing agency. We represent one of the largest travel brands in the world, as well as one of the largest computer companies in the world. Most of my hours are spent on the travel site, and I have a weekly byline where I get to talk about everything from visiting "Harry Potter" film sites in the U.K. to tips on exploring legalized marijuana states. It's a great gig.

Mostly, I love the self-dubbed "squad of sisters" group of writers. From them, I have learned incredible pose and professionalism, humor and ambition, honed creativity and a deep-seated awareness of what it means to be a 20-something female writer in 2014. We also have a cool office, complete with cheese days, dog Fridays, and lots of snacks. As far as hiccups go, it really boils down to perception issues. For instance, us writers were called out for "leaving early" after an 8+ hour day. Everyone else was doing 8+, but because they got in later and left later, it looked skewed. Now us writers work 9+ hours while most do 8. And in some ways I don't mind it. This is the first job where I've actively tried to move up, tried to impress. When I think of that shitty hotel job and how I hated it so much I wouldn't brush my hair some days....

Right now I'm struggling with my one-year review limbo. I came in very prepared with notes on my projects and concrete numbers of my performance, as well as ideas for company and personal growth. They were quite impressed. But when I brought up salary negotiations, it was pushed to the next week. Then the next. Then the next. Then we had a meeting and I was given six challenges to do by January and then we'll talk. The main issue is my speed, which I understand. Though I'm literally 100% faster than day one. So...obviously this limbo is frustrating and I wish I just got a raise or not, a promotion or not, and not have this nebulous unknown over my head during the holidays.

As far as other fronts go, life has been good. The bf and I will be celebrating our 8th anniversary in January. I really think it's been one of our best years. He sold his business in March and decided to take a long sabbatical. With the cash, we opted to keep the open room for guests during the summer instead of getting a new roommate. It was so nice to return the favor of friends who've opened their own doors to us in the past. He also took me to Hawaii for my birthday! We had never been to the Big Island before. Favorite memory: Waking up in the luxurious bed and breakfast cabin in the rain forest to the sound of soft morning rain and seeing the greenery lush and full outside the windows.

The bf got quite a bit of heat for taking so much time off, and even I was concerned of him going broke like our rough patch my first year post-college. This time around, it was actually really nice. It was quite cool coming home to someone genuinely excited to see me. Nearly every night we'd go for an hour-long walk along the pier or through town, and make a stop at this hipster bar to order tacos with the occasional pale ale and cosmo. We're big talkers, and conversations routinely fall to politics. There are few days when Hillary Clinton running for president or marijuana legalization doesn't come up. Eight years later and conversation has never run out.

One thing that so pierced my heart was watching him fix up his resume and apply to new jobs. Just fucking pierced my heart. Here is someone who is a former business owner, with years of research and experience, who has been to conference after conference, who has more passion about the industry than anyone I've ever met...and here he is applying for some job that has zero relation to his passion because some low-voter turnout city council people passed further restrictions and sent out police raids. Never mind it's been legal since 1996.

But yes, he's working in solar now and liking the challenge. He's learning new skills, which will help him down the road, and I can tell he's enjoying the paycheck along with the camaraderie.

Finally, I really do need to thank him for helping me so much this year, especially with work. When you come home to a former business owner, there's a depth to work questions and sense of challenge when I look at my own career.

Well, let's take a look at my old goals during my first year post-college and see how they're going:

--Get a job. Preferably a good one. Yes, I would say I accomplished this. As I said, I work as a writer and editor for an online marketing agency.

--Live in a cool house. Still living in a house a block from the beach.

--Eat things besides Mac and Cheese and pizza. Still working on this one. I definitely cook more, though not as much as I should. At this point, I will say I'm pretty decent at a few dishes, such as bangers and mash, baked ziti, and chicken chowder.

--Do yoga at least twice a week. Yeah, nope. 

--Jog a few times a week. Nope, nope. These days I try to go for a 30 minute-to-an-hour walk every day.

--Make a financial investment. This one has certainly been on my mind lately. I still don't quite have enough in my savings to migrate some of it into an investment, but within the next 2-3 years, I think it's more of a possibility. 

 
--Have better style. You know, I have improved on this front. I have a burgeoning collection of work clothes and a decent amount of winter sweaters. Still, I could use more help with this. It's mainly due to size. XS isn't always XS everywhere. 

--A year from now, be able to be proud of something I've made and become. I'm quite proud of having a weekly byline on a major travel site and while I've neglected it, I did create my own San Diego website I'm proud about. In the next six months, I would love to have a personal website up and running, with at least six different publications venues to my name.

 
--Make friends. This has been one of the biggest themes of the year. A year and a half ago, things were more abstract, with a few happy hour nights here and there. Since then, I've made friends I go to brunch with, friends I host parties with, friends I'll catch movies with, and friends I can dissect the day with. That being said, I have a few theories on the topic:

(1) The biggest thing I noticed this year was the fallacy of "It's Too Hard to Make Friends." You know what's hard about it? Aloofness--not opportunity. When your co-worker says, "There's this happy hour I've been meaning to try," that could mean, "Do you want to go with me?" When your roommate says that she too has always wanted to check out this spot in town, that's asking "Hey, let's go together?" How many opportunities have I missed by not paying attention to these fledgling invitations? Likewise, it can get frustrating when you do offer ideas and they're not taken up. If I say we should see a movie or try out that hipster place, I really do want to go with you.

(b) A good friend is one who reschedules. Can't make it tonight? Offer a different time. Can't call back? Call back tomorrow. Can't text at the moment? Wait for a good time. And I'm certainly guilty of this, too. The idea is that your friend is important enough to reschedule. This goes for old friends too. It's so important just to make a little bit of effort now and then. My grandma still has friends from 70 years ago, and let me say this: "Do you remember when..." is something you cannot buy and you cannot replicate.

So my friend goal in finishing this second half of Year 3 is to be more open. Make new friends, connect with old ones, and continue to hang out with people when I can.

Well, I better wrap this thing up. What are some of the biggest take-aways I've learned in my 3rd year post-college?
  
(1) Be nice to everyone. Seriously. San Diego and the world is so small, you just never know. For instance, my co-worker's roommate went to my same high school and worked at the same Starbucks as me in a town that's 8 hours away (granted, 4 years later). I also think back about my slightly terse writer who was two decades older than me. We ended up getting along well, and later I found out how experienced he was and the great insight he had to share. You just never know the impression you leave behind, and you don't know who you might run into again in the future. It's a bit Victorian, but reputation is important. And really, any friendship, any opportunity, any invitation is so rooted in a simple "Hey, how's it going?" and honestly caring about the answer.

(2) No one is successful only working 40 hours a week. The bf told me this during the "leave early" situation, but I think it can apply for careers as a whole. My raise is in limbo, so I obviously can't speak for my current job. That said, every greater step has involved doing extra. Whether it's a side project or freelance work or another internship, doing the usual usually doesn't get you very far if you're an ambitious person.

(3) Unfairness is very real--especially in business. When I'm around college people I'm reminded of the black and white absoluteness of thinking. The latest idea I heard was that if you have a good education and work hard, you will get better company benefits. Well let me tell you, X+X doesn't always equal Y. Or rather, Y isn't always fair for what you deserve.

You can get the most sign-ups, the most sell-outs, and if your boss doesn't like you because you're skinnier and younger, you're still going to get the shittest shifts. You can get promoted to do the exact same job as the person before you, but when your boss presents you a pay cut (despite you protesting) you'll still accept the wage because you need the job. You can have the most innovative ideas, but if you try to take them directly to the head boss, your manager will chew you out for going over her head. And this paragraph is not a permission slip to excuse us from trying, but it is acknowledgment that the law and order of school life is not the same as the real world.

(4) Kindness is real. I've been so lucky to experience kindness. Any time an old friend has given me a place to crash in a city, any time a neighbor or roommate has brought me food, any time our parents have stocked our fridge, any time someone has given me a discount on car work or given me the small soda for free; all of these instances remind me of the kindness that exists out there.

(5) I'm planning on writing a blog about 'I'm 26 and What Does that Mean?' Here's what I've thought about the twenties:

20--A rather boring number. Not much is new.

21--An amazing time. Seriously, 21 is all about jello shots, pole dancing, parties that last until 5am, hooking up in hidden nooks of campus, and roommates who make margaritas between classes.

22--Largely anti-climatic. In my experience, friend groups are hard to keep together, and I spent most of the year working extra hours and finishing up classes.

23--You graduate and then you fall off a cliff into what-do-I-do-now. Most of 23 was documented in this blog. I did a publishing internship that largely went nowhere, I was living in a house with five weird roommates, and I was working for this terrible hotel company, feeling like a failure.

24--The year when things started falling into place. I became a professional writer and started to make friends in San Diego. I also went on a cross-country trip and moved in with the bf.

25--A solid year. I finally became a professional editor, I got the job I have now, which pays me more
than my previous job, and went on a few more trips; this time to Vancouver and Seattle.

26--This year has been about furthering all the good stuff of 25. Obviously I'm still working on the raise at work, though I do have a byline. I also built my own travel website and have some freelance articles in the works. I feel like I keep building, building, building, but to what end I don't know. What I do know is that it's important to continue to build for new levels to come.

So to summarize year three: It's been a good year. A productive year. A year of politics over carnitas tacos, friendship over lemon drops martinis, and moves in the right direction. So far, so good! 

Epilogue--Day 762

Heeeeello, readers!

I have certainly missed you. Though admittedly, living my life instead of writing about my life has freed up quite a bit time. I had wanted to update on June 1st, but I just couldn't put it all down. Didn't have the right flow. And now it's July 1st so I thought I'd just type and see what happens!

Capote, Filibusters, and Reggae AKA Weekdays

What I miss the most about blogging is giving some weight to each day. I like being able to take some small idea and write a whole entry about it. But again, it's nice simply living the day-to-day instead of living with a constant voice-over in my head. Here's my average week these days:

(Last) Monday: Monday was the start of my 3rd week as editor. I finished up an article about Project PRISM, the secret government surveillance program that has collected millions of citizens' phone records and internet information. I also finished up an article about Google's Project Loon, the plan to release high-altitude balloons with WiFi transceivers attached to them to broadcast more internet access to developing nations. I also went to Starbucks to work on some freelance writing.

Tuesday: My boyfriend's new nephew was born. :) The bf was in a really great mood that day and surprised me by taking us out to dinner in PB near the water.

Wednesday: Normally Wednesday is Farmer's Market day, but a few months back we got these cheap tickets to see Damian Marley. HOLY SHIT. Amazing show. Sick rapping, amazing raggae, tons of energy, AND we were in the front fucking row.

Thursday: Sleep. I was rather useless at work. I got some stuff started, like this how-to guide of how a small business can make a big impression, but my brain was pretty tired from the night before.

Friday: I usually meet with friends on Fridays at the local bar/s for a Cosmo or a Sprint, but this Friday was more low-key. I'm a news junkie, so I've been enjoying reading every source available about the Supreme Court overturning DOMA which protects gay marriage on a federal level. I also read up on the Wendy Davis filibuster of the restrictive anti-choice anti-abortion bill in Texas. It's all about individual choices and the government staying out of personal business. #teamWendyDavis #teamEdieWindsor.

Our traveling neighbor came over at night and shared a blunt with the bf as we all watched the Vice episode of 'Dennis Rodman goes to North Korea'. Creepy shit, North Korea. I finished the night with Real Time with Bill Maher and tried to read a few more pages of my Truman Capote short story collection.

Saturday: The bf and I took our recently graduated Grad Student Roommate to the airport for her East Coast family reunion. We swung by the Canadian Roommate's restaurant but she wasn't working. So I made us some bacon and eggs and we watched this Brynt Gumble special about the historic African-American Baseball League. A long walk and some couple time later and I spent the rest of the night writing and bouncing from Buzzfeed to Flavorwire.

Sunday: The bf and I went to a matinee of The Heat (because the first showing of the day is 50% off). The movie was funny but relied way too much on cheap shots. The bf calls movies "two hour-long cigarettes." 'It's the same packaging. You use one, then another, and another, and it's all the same thing.'

The rest of the day was spent walking, sharing a pretzel, debating about whether wanting to see Wanda Sykes or Stephen Hawking in person is being a "scene-ster", and watching news coverage of DOMA and abortion rights. I will never understand why the party of "small government" is so hell-bent on government intrusion.
 
Expectations vs You Know, Reality

Honestly, I never had any real clear picture of what I wanted my life to be like post-college, but I certainly had a few hopes here and there. Maybe while walking through Urban Outfitters I'd want an apartment decked out in hipster wears, or maybe while working as the Fiction Editor of my university's lit magazine I wished that I could be a real editor one day, ect. So in no short order, here are my general hopes/expectations vs relativity.

Expectations of what I hoped I’d be like in post-college life	Reality of my post-college life
Editor at a book publisher/magazine-type place	Editor at a website company
Pencil skirts and heels	Cotton dresses and ballet flats
Hot boyfriend working in advocacy or law	Hot boyfriend who owns the only medical marijuana testing lab in San Diego, when only 18 states have legalized medical marijuana, and only 2 states have full legalization
Living in an apartment decked out in an Urban Outfitter hipster look, or a World Market/Pottery Barn adult look	Living in a beach house with the decor of Christmas lights, postcards, and books
Living in Portland, Oregon	Living in San Diego, California
2-3 really close best friends	Lots of friends living all over the place, and finally starting to make some friends in SD
Rich-ish	Poor-ish. Enough to pay bills and live a pretty fun life, but I stress out at restaurants when they refill my drink, and I’m usually too terrified to look at my bank account.
General stability of job, relationships, and place	I’ve had 3 jobs and 2 internships, and have lived in 2 different places in the past two years. I suppose it makes life more interesting not to be stuck, but it's a bit stressful to feel like I still don't have a clear direction
Hillary Clinton for president	Hillary Clinton for president 2016

For the most part, I'm pretty aligned with what I wanted. But I'm certainly not where I want to be. Especially when I work at a job that can fire me at any point and I only make $5 MORE AN HOUR THAN WHEN I WAS 18. Still, I think I'm in an upward motion. More more more. More publications, more friends, more activism, more art, more experiences, moving forwards towards...something.

College, the Bubble I Only Sorta Miss

Do I miss college? Not as much as I thought I would. I certainly miss some things like the noise and the community.

And I certainly miss my friends. I miss our constant parties and lunch dates and long walks shooting the shit. I do miss days punctuated by jelly shots, Undie Runs, library dusk, and throwing the kind of Cupcake Party that got so crazy the police were called over. But...I was ready to go.

I am glad for a few things. I'm glad I went to a school outside of my home state. It was good for me to be exposed to new ideas. I'm glad I went to a party school. Going to a 24/7 party in the desert got me out of comfort zone, and I'm really privileged for all the fun we had. And I'm glad I took that extra year. Yes, it put me behind in life. But I also felt done with college. I got to the highest level I could get there and it was time to move on. I don't idolize college because I was ready for something better.

Best/Worst Decisions Made in Year 1 and 2

In Year 1 I didn't really know what I wanted. So I think it was smart for me to take on that internship at the book publishing house, and I think it was good that I quit that coffee shop job when I knew it wasn't the right fit, and I think it was good that I didn't live with my boyfriend the whole time (though it wasn't the right fit house for me to live in either). I wish that I had quit the hotel job sooner than I did. But I was desperate in needing to pay bills and that fear kept me in place. 

In Year 2 the best thing I did was quit the fucking awful hotel job. They cut my hours that last week and asked for my uniform back AS I WAS WEARING IT. I'm really glad I took that 3 week trip to Seattle, Portland, SJ, DC, and New York. I didn't find the "home" I was looking for, but I did find pieces that I didn't realize were important to me in a place: style, ambition, and lots of coffee shops and trees. I'm mostly glad that I did that brief internship with the magazine because it helped me get my current writing job now. Grandma says that "Nothing is a waste of time if you learned something from it" and as long as I'm moving forward I think it's all good.

Predictions for Year 3 

The big WHAT'S NEXT? I don't know. I wish that I had some sort of concrete goal in mind, but there's still a blank spot in my imagination of what I see myself eventually doing. If I could blend journalism with women's issues I think that would be the happy medium.

Of course, there's the big WHERE? The funny thing about living in San Diego for as long as I have is that I finally really like it here. I'm finally understanding how lucky I am to live here. I love the farmers markets, the perfect weather, the ability to walk past the ocean every day on my way to get some tea or meet some friends at a local bar, and I love that the hippy culture that is still so fiercely local. Nonetheless, I still know that I have a glass ceiling here. The biggest magazine I could work for is San Diego Magazine, the biggest newspaper is the right-winged Union Tribune, the bigger nonprofit is something you've never heard of, and so on.

I'm a California girl with an affection for the Pacific Northwest and a career path better suited for the East Coast. This year I'd like to check out Denver. And I'd like to check out DC and Seattle again if I can afford it.  So I dunno. I think this year I really just want to focus on building up my publication resume and seeing where that takes me. 

Wanna Know a Secret? Real Life is Better 

What have I really learned in Year 2 of post-college? That, for all the shitty parts--like shitty jobs, embarrassing paychecks, and crazy roommates--the twenties are pretty fucking cool.

Today is Monday and it was my writer's first day at work. I spent the day scouring for tech news sites willing to take submissions as he wrote two press releases and an internal blog. He's a good writer with a flare for puns, so think it's going to work out just fine.

I tend to spend my Mondays and Tuesdays at the coffee shop listening to the Of Monsters and Men Pandora station and working on my freelance writing but today I just couldn't turn my wheels to the right, and instead drove straight up to the ocean cliffs.

They were absolutely beautiful today. And I called up my Grandma to see what's new. Her druggie neighbors, the Fowls, are finally moving out of the neighborhood after 54 years. Grandma is quite pleased. And she's been making friends every week when she goes to the senior center. I told her that she impresses me, and how that ability to make fast friends is a rare skill. I told her about my work and she told me she was proud of me. She likes that I'm moving up,  not "sideways". We laughed and shared 'I love you's and I drove home past the ocean in my little blue Bug to the beach house I share with my boyfriend and roommates.

The bf and I got dinner at our favorite Vietnamese place and we talked about the rapid progression of civil issues over the past 5 years. Marijuana was the front story of Yahoo! today with a headline wondering if marijuana is now "mainstream". Gay marriage is now protected by the Supreme Court under the argument of "dignity". And as the Padres game played on in the background we both agreed that a woman will make it into an all-male professional sports team in the next 10 years [my guess is with golf].

It's edging towards midnight now and things are as they usually are. Papers and books are all over the place, planes are loud overhead, the neighbors are sharing some cheap beer, and someone's tv is on in the background. Life is good. Happy Year 3, graduates of 2011. I hope you're all doing well tonight :)

Day 366 (c)-- Conclusion

Well, my friends it's the end of the blog.  My whole first year post-college.  I had thought that I would have more sentiment or analysis coming to the end of things, but my mind is quite delightfully buzzing with new projects.  [*366 because of leap year]

For starters, I'm working on starting my own online literary magazine.  You might recall back in February when I wanted to start an online magazine dedicated to twentysomething girls who are stylishly trying to figure out all this career, love, and life madness.  I haven't given up on the dream, but I'm simply not prepared for the amount of attention and designer skills a full-fledged magazine requires so I'm excited to create something I'm more familiar with: a literary magazine.

A lit magazine basically covers submissions of fiction, nonfiction, and poetry, and is often associated with a university.  I was a co-fiction editor for my school's lit mag during my senior year of college so this should be right up my alley.  I'm hoping to launch in August and might have some friends on board for resume-builder positions like Publicist and COO.  Right now I'm looking for templates and hope to have images and fonts up this week.

I also have a very real itch to quit my job and go on a 3-week backpacking trip to the upper East Coast.  Top city picks: Savannah, GA, Charleston, SC, Charlotte, NC, Raleigh, NC, Richmond, VA, Washington D.C., Rhode Island, Boston, Maine, and Brooklyn.  And I still plan on going to Seattle/Portland in August or September.

Basically the situation is this: I might be getting fired because I'm going on my boyfriend's family's trip (if you've been in a family for over 5 years can you say it's your family too?) during peak summer hours.  I mean, I get my work saying no.  I actually do get it.  And since the job sucks anyway and my lease is up at the end of July maybe I should just quit at the end of July and hit the road for a few weeks and return to San Diego all refreshed and inspired.  And I am super stoked about the family reunion.  I can't wait to see everyone and catch up, and kayak, and swim, and maybe finally see that Civil War site. 

But back to today, a year later, and my blog's conclusion.  Did I accomplish my goals for this year?

--Get a job. Preferable a good one.

Well, I've had 3 jobs this past year.  There was that one at the coffee shop I worked at for 2 days and was the first job I ever quit because the training was piss poor [they expected me to learn how to cook the food when the chef was gone by "read the menu" and "osmosis"], plus I didn't like how I'd be working alone so much and closing by myself felt a little creepy.  I did like my unpaid job at the publishing house for three months.  I completely fell in love with reading unpublished manuscripts and meeting authors and researching bookstores.  But the people were all over 55, too quiet, too petty, and the business was always about to go out of business.

And lastly, front desk at the hotel which has been my least favorite job of all time.  I hate having an inconsistent schedule, working with backstabbing bitches, being "punished" by being sent to the even shitter hotel, and pretending to give a fuck about who takes 40 minutes lunches instead of 30.  It's been such a downer on my health and psyche, but it has taught me patience and what I truly want out of life.  I'm hoping to quit by the end of July if I'm not fired first for taking a vacation while working in the vacation business. 

--Live in a cool house

I've lived in 2 houses this past year and both were cool in their own ways but not the "home" I was looking for.  I enjoyed living with my boyfriend and his roommates.  I liked all of us cooking together and waking up next to him every morning, and days started with The Postal Service and walks to the beach.  But it was too cramped.  And we're just not in a place to live with each other, just us.  And I'm surprisingly ok with that.  I'm not ready to be a settled down couple in a our apartment; I still like having roommates and other energy around.  And my current place with the 5 girls has been so-so.  I moved here out of desperation and it's been that disjointed house the whole time.  I don't hang out with them and I'm cool with that.  I love how my room is my office, with tons of candles and colorful scarves hanging from the walls.  I'll probably move in my the bf temporarily after my lease is up and go from there.  

--Make friends 

My least accomplished goal this year.  I haven't been lonely and consider my bf's roommates as people I go to movies or plays or cook with.  But those best friends I can share the weight of the world with and who inspire me and I inspire them to be better people?  No, not yet. 

--Eat things besides Mac&Cheese and pizza

I'd say this has been a successful goal.  I've made quite a few things this year like enchiladas, French onion soup, steak with parsley butter, and peach cobbler.  Granted, I still eat a lot of junk food because it's cheaper but I really am trying to change that.

--Do yoga at least twice a week/Jog a few times a week

So...I've gained like 5 pounds this year, which is noticeable when you only weigh 90. I'm confident I can lose if I just change my diet somewhat and actually exercise.  I guess 23-24 was my body's limit for reckless eating.  And I mean, when Cheez-its cost .50 and and healthy salad costs $9.50 guess what I've been eating the past six months?  So yeah, I definitely need to get an fitness routine going like jogging, crunches, and pole dancing.

 

--Make a financial investment 

 The economy is shit so I didn't make the kind of investment I had hoped.  But I did spend a ton of money becoming a resident of California, and kitchenware to learn how to cook, and a new bed set with white sheets/comforter with lush red pillows, an iPhone 4s, new glasses, a huge chunk of money on my teeth (floss!), and my G.R.E. study guide. 

--Have better style

Working on it.  I have some dresses I really like, and a basic interview outfit, and some hippy shoes and tanks, but yeah, still working on this one.

 

--A year from now, be able to be proud of something I've made and become.

I'm really proud of this blog : D

Thank you very much for reading.  And wish me luck in my post-college life.  It's not about one year, or two years, or Mays or Junes, it's just life.  A beautiful life of sandy flip-flops, farmer's markets, driving fast in a Beetle, vanilla tea candles, and a college diploma on the wall.  

Peace and best wishes to you!

Day 366 (b)--Fun facts about female sexuality

I am so dismayed at what's been going in politics these days with women's rights.  

In the past six months Virgina tried to pass a bill to force a woman to see an ultrasound before getting an abortion (including women who were pregnant due to rape), Arizona passed a bill stating the pregnancy starts BEFORE conception, Susan G. Koman organization briefly cut grant money to Planned Parenthood (money which is specifically used for monograms) because PP is a leader in abortions, not to mention the firestorm about contraception being included in heath care or not, and if that makes us "sluts".  

Why is sexuality someone else's business?  And has female sexuality ever not been controversial?  And why is that? 

Which brings me to the larger issue: why aren't we, us women, talking about our sexuality?  Why aren't we fighting for us?  Why are facts about female sexuality so fucking taboo?  So let's change that.

Speaking of numbers:

 
-- More than half of women ages 18 to 49 reported masturbating during the previous 90 days.  

[The University of Indiana's National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, 2010]

-- The average age a girl loses her virginity is 17.3.  

[National Center for Health Statistics, Fertility, Family Planning, and Reproductive Health of U.S. Women: Data from the 2002 National Survey]

--In the past year: 75% of women in their twenties gave oral sex to a man, and 71% of women received oral sex from a man.  59% of woman in their thirties gave oral sex to a man, and 59% of women received oral sex from a man.  53% of women in their forties gave oral sex to a man, and 52% of women received oral sex from a man.  

[The University of Indiana's National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, 2010]  

--In other words, 89% of women and 90% of men ever had oral sex with an opposite-sex partner.

-- 36% of women have had anal sex with an opposite-sex partner. 12% of women reported any same-sex contact in their lifetimes. 

[National Survey of Family Growth, 2006-2008]

--Speaking of which, 14.4%  of women consider themselves 'sexual but not strictly heterosexual, i.e. either lesbian or bisexual'.  

[Study done by Cornell University of 20,000 individuals in 80 communities, as quoted by Psychology Today]. 

-- By the age of 22-24, 92% of women have had intercourse

[The National Center for Health Statistics, 2006-2008]

-- The median number of (male) sexual partners a woman age 25-44 has had in her lifetime is 3.6.  The percent of women 25-44 years of age who have had 15 or more male sexual partners is 10.4%.

[study done by the National Center of Health Statistics, 2006-2008]

-- 12% of women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in her lifetime. Please please please get checked.

[The National Cancer Institute, SEER Cancer Statistics Review 1975–2007]

Important facts about abortion

According to 2011 statistics done by the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists: 

--Nearly half of all pregnancies among US women are unintended, and four in 10 of those end in abortion.

--Each year, 2% of women ages 15–44 have an abortion; half of them have had at least one previous abortion. 

--At least half of American women will experience an unintended pregnancy by age 45, and about one-third will have had an abortion. 

--Abortions per year have been 

year        number         rate per 1,000 women

2008      1,212,350     19.2

2007      1,209,640     19.5

2006      1,242,200     19.9

2005      1,206,200     19.4

2000      1,313,000     21.3

1995      1,359,400     22.5

1990      1,608,600     27.4

1985      1,588,600     28.0

1980      1,553,900     29.3

1975      1,034,200     21.7

According to 2011 statistics by The Guttmacher Institute which states the same findings: 

--22%  of all pregnancies (excluding miscarriages) end in abortion.  

--At least half of American women will experience an unintended pregnancy by age 45, and, at current rates, one in 10 women will have an abortion by age 20, one in four by age 30 and three in 10 by age 45.

According to The American Pregnancy Association which states the same study findings:  

--Each year in the United States 1,200,000 women experience pregnancy loss through termination.

Abortions are happening.  Too many of them. And banning abortion won't solve the problem. Clearly there needs to be more information about contraception, and both birth control pills and condoms are free in many states.  People are going to have sex, so make it safe, make each child wanted.

Back to fun sex facts


--By age 44, 95% of men and women had had premarital sex; 97% of those who had ever had sex had premarital sex.

[Public Health Reports, researchers analyzed data from four cycles of the National Survey of Family Growth from 1982 to 2002]

A brief note on women's bodies 


-- The pH level of vaginal fluid is 4.5, which is the same acidity scale as tomatoes and beer. 

[American Journal of Obstetrics & Gynecology]

-- All women have some form of vaginal discharge (usually daily). Normal discharge may appear clear, cloudy white, and/or yellowish when dry on clothing.

[University of Illinois, McKinley Health Center]

-- The average weight of American women is 164.7 pounds, which is up from the average 140 pounds in 1960. 

[The National Health and Nutrition Survey, 2006]

Back to sex


According to polls done in 2004 by the esteemed TNS and reported by ABC News with a 2.5 error margin, the average American's sex life includes:

Sex outdoors	57%
Discuss fantasies	51
Faked orgasm (women)	48
Sexually adventurous	42
First-date sex	29
Paid for sex (men)	15
Paid for sex (single men, 30+)	30

 

Did it	Fantasized about it
Cheated	16%	30
Threesome	14	21
Sex at work	12	10

	Men	Women
Always have orgasms	74%	30
Usually	23	45
Less often	3	24

Cheating: Who's Done It
All	16%
Men	21
Women	11
No children under 18	19
Dissatisfied w/ sex life	34
Single men 30+	42

--53 percent of women (and 45 percent of men) ages 18 to 60 use vibrators.

[2009 studies done by Indiana University's Center for Sexual Health Promotion in IU's School of Health, Physical Education and Recreation, published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine]

--And for that matter 1 in 4 women used a vibrator this month. 

[same study, 2009 Indiana University's Center for Sexual Health Promotion in IU's School of Health, Physical Education and Recreation, published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine]

Other's people sex lives aren't about your comfort nor mine.  It's not your choice.  And that's the point.  Sex is a person's choice.  Their choice. 

And while our sex is our business, maybe we should stop making it invisible.  Because let's look at facts.  WOMEN HAVE SEX.  Let's repeat that, WOMEN HAVE SEX.  People have sex.  And not something to be bashful about or made illegal or stigmatized.  

What would happen, do you think, if one day (let's say tomorrow) all Americans wore shirts that accurately reflected us.  On the front we would wear I HAVE SEX or I DO NOT HAVE SEX, and on the back we can write all of the things we do or don't do like, I MASTURBATE, or I HAVEN'T HAD AN ORGASM, or I HAVE ONE-NIGHT STANDS, or I AM IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP, or whatever.  Do you think that sexuality would be such a debate if it wasn't such a taboo topic? 

Knowledge is power, but so is voice.  Stand up for the rights of your body and be aware that a fight against sexuality is a fight against choice.  

And have an amazing day doin' whatever it is ya like ta do.