When your day starts off with a pink bandana-wearing one-legged homeless lady and ends with a chocolate cupcake you know you're having an interesting Thursday.
The aforementioned aggressive homeless lady was the beginning of my shift at the shitter hotel, and she was the starting point of dealing with barely legal hookers, a taxi cab driver yelling at me, a lady accusing me of secretly turning off her air conditioner but refusing to have maintenance look at because she was half naked, plus everyone wanted pay in cash or with Walmart credit cards...[laughs] Jesus Christ.
It's been a strange week. One foot in, one foot out.
My boyfriend and I are at an impasse. There was much anger, much crying, "You hate me almost as much as you love me [him to me]", and plea bargain of him asking me to stay until the end of September so we can have one last summer together and my stubborn refusal that I have given up all of my summers for him and he can't take this one away from me too. And I will be tempted.
So what to do, and what does it change? I can stay here 10 more years and he will still be smoking before bed, still be in debt up to his eyeballs, still obsessively 4/20 focused, and these things won't change, even with the knowledge that I'll be leaving. And he's right that my life is a joke working at a hotel and living in a house I don't like, and not having enough friends here. He's 100% right to be disappointed in me because I am too. But while I could fix these things and stay in San Diego I simply don't want to. And since he's made it perfectly clear he won't be coming with me, well, I suppose we'll have enjoy the time left. Enjoy joking around and going for walks and intimacy and debates. It is a rather strange thing to date someone with a deadline. To love a person for a lifetime but still walk away. Definitely a lesson.
It's been nice hanging out with The Canadian and The Dietician. When my boyfriend was out of town I hung out with them getting pizza, taking shots, and dissecting music videos on Palladia. The Dietician's friend Sam(antha) was there and we had buzzy sarcastic banter all night, deadpanning "Is she a whore or bipolar?" "Is she bulimic or an alcoholic?" "Is she artist or a lesbian?"
Sam is a server at a restaurant and is getting that itch that she's floundering in her life. Her, The Dietician and I talked a lot about being solo, about being slightly lazy and slight scared about figuring out what exactly do we want to do in life and how to get there, and how college meant something to us but didn't help figure this shit out like we thought it would. And laughs of course, of college days, of growing up, the crazy customers we deal with, and all of the interrupting commentary about the videos for "Little Talks" by Of Monsters and Men (awesome song), "Happy Pills" by Norah Jones (looking damn good these days), "The Walking Dead" with Steve Aoki, Kid Cudi, and Travis Barker (wtf crazy), "Hold On" by The Alabama Shakes" (I love that song. What a song), the new song by Gavin Rosdale (looking a little old these days), and mocking every country music video which inevitably includes a lake, a girl in a vintage off-white dress, and a field.
And in grown-up news I have
(1) Gotten my hair cut. Mainly thinned way out and added more layers.
(2) Finally went to the dentist. That'll be $500 with insurance, please. I am absolutely kicking myself for not seeing a dentist for 5 years and not washing out my mouth right away of all that sugar every single day working at Starbucks. I didn't have the insurance to go, but I still should have paid out of pocket to avoid cavities--most of which are barely formed and could have been prevented if I can gone earlier. And this dentist is fixing what my last dentist didn't do, aka go deep enough in my back left moral and replace two tooth-colored filings (which have a very obvious cracks in them) to porcelain. Fucking hell. I'm so angry at myself for not paying attention to my teeth during college, because I'm going to be paying--literally--the price the rest of my life. Then again, I did have cookies and a cupcake today so I clearly need to cut back on my sweets.
(3) My GRE study guide and the 2011-2012 Best Humanities Programs came in. I'm actually doing very well on the questions, getting about 85% of them right. And I'm really delving into programs this time around. How many students are in the program? How diverse is the faculty? What do graduate students go on to doing after graduation? What businesses are in the area? What state do I want to live in 5 years from now? How am I going to afford this? Basically I want to study, save, and research the next two years so that when I do go for my MA I'll be fully committed and prepared.
(4) Have I ever mentioned how much I admire Hillary Clinton? I'm not sure if I have. But I am a huge Hillary fan since her senator days (I voted for her in 2008), and I'm just so proud of her surge in popularity with Texts from Hillary, her humor with the guys from How I Met Your Mother, and her latest bout of press going au natural glasses and wrinkles and all. I think she does excellent work as Sec. of State using diplomacy with a bite, and while you may not realize this, she always meets with the top women activists of the country as well as the leader of the country during her trips. I admire her for her work as a politician and, separately as a woman. Feminism is simply about choice and dignity of being a human being, but it's still such a struggle to get there. As she has been known to say, "Women's rights are human rights" and while she is trying to help solve the world's diplomatic problem she is also a champion of women getting the respect of humanity we deserve. This is a great introduction by Meryl Streep http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECNQDqMoAjw
That's all for now. I have about 21 days of blogging so I'll be posting a little more often the next few days. Bye!
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