Day 272-- Rainy days

I like having days off on rainy days.  Makes things seem calm and warm on the inside while the outside is gray and drizzly. 

I don't have much to report tonight, just an average day living by the beach.  My boyfriend woke up before I did to take care of some plant orders at work.  I slept in till late, then woke up slowly reading articles and procrastinating on laundry.

A hot bath and the boyfriend came over to pick me up for lunch.  Nothing like warm skin, tugged lips, teeth marks on biceps and hand prints from spanks to fully wake up for the day...

We really need to stop getting food from this bar facing the ocean.  This is my 5th attempt of eating their food and it was only a mild success, for it's not really that hard to screw up a burger, but the whole thing was a drippy mess with mayo and grilled onions.  Though it did pair well with my extra sweet cosmo that he helped me finish.  

We talked about the news of Danica Patrick and got into a bit of a debate over "mens" sports, which involve any sport that comes with the chance of dying.  Somehow my boyfriend related queen ants with disposable men, how women have a better chance of reproducing their genes then men, and how superior men have their genes passed down versus average men who aren't picked by women.  "Do you see yourself as a superior man?" I asked.  He evaded the question and asked if I was a superior female. "No.  Too short." I answered.  "Cleopatra was short," he replied.  "Was she?"  "I think she was 4'9" and she ruled over the Romans," he smirked. I laughed. 

He continued, "It's about using sexuality as a weapon.  That's the problem with feminism." I shot him an angry look. "No, no listen," he said, "It's not that feminism isn't about being treated as a human being and being respected and having the same opportunities as all human beings, but a female sexuality is a woman's greatest weapon over men to get what she wants, and to not use both power and sexuality isn't using all the tools available." 

There's a contest at work to get the most club member sign-ups.  I winning it by like 27 to 5.  I can get maybe 1 female for every 15 male to sign up.  Not to mention tip money from men, or free pizzas from the guys who work there.  It's not being flirty.  Just an extra smile to see them.  Total suckers.  It's a generality, but women tend to hate women--especially if they're under 25 and skinny.  

"Margaret Thatcher hated women," I said. "Did she use her sexuality?" he asked. "No, I don't think so.  Just sheer will and acting powerful."

After lunch the rain was pouring and I wanted to get some things done, so I went home to read, sleep, light some candles, almost finish my taxes, finally clean out my closet of dirty clothes and a fake Christmas tree in parts, plus work on this much belated birthday cd mix.  

It's almost March and I'm honestly pretty excited about it.  I have a few goals starting March 1st, like finally get a smart phone, sign up for a Groupon yoga session, learn how to fly a kite, go to some free concerts, maybe make some friends, and hopefully get a new job if not a side job.  I go on Indeed.com and craigslist and various company sites and absolutely no writer jobs have been listed in about a week.  

Well, my friends.  Off to put stuff in the dryer and listen to Bitter:Sweet on Pandora.  Hope it's raining where you are and that there's a nice cup of tea in your hands. Till next time!

Day 269-- The IRS aka The Spring Santa?

Is the IRS the Spring Santa?  Everyone around me is getting tax returns and suddenly brand new phones, tvs, and--if those twitches and a few too many "sick" days from one of my co-workers means anything--new cocaine.  Which makes me think I should update my Christmas list a little early.

Dear Santa,

I've been well these past few months.  Lots of nice and a little naughty *wink* and hopelessly broke thanks to $4.27 a gallon gas prices.  Now, if my tax returns give me back $1,000 or less you know me and my damned responsibility and all of that money will quickly go into savings, only to be used for my bi-annual car insurance or visiting the dentist. 

But.  But if I get over $1,000 I have a few things I would love all shiny and bright. 

1.) A new computer.  Maybe a Mac.

Oh this computer of mine.  Large.  Clanky.  Heavy.  Too big to fit into some backpacks.  Almost as ghetto as my flip-phone.  And now the power cord is spasing out so it will turn off every time I move my computer more than an inch, and/or sneeze.

2.) A netbook

I really have no need for an iPad, but I would love a netbook.  I write a lot and I'm not always home to use my ghetto clanky heavy lap top with no battery charge. A netbook could fit in my purse and go wherever I happen to be.

3.) A new camera with a good low-light lens

I take a lot of pictures and unfortunately this camera has such an awful flash it looks like my memories are being blasted with a police spot light.  I would like to have a camera where we all don't look like criminals.

4.) A telescope

No, I don't actually need one but I am a bit of star gazer and on new moon nights right on beach it would be lovely to view the stars in a better lens than my watery contacts.

5.) iPod wall speakers

I probably listen to music 1-2 hours a day, which is down from about 3-4 during the summer, and down from 5-6 during high school and college.  I love music, and it would be nice to have some rad-ass speakers instead of my iPod or computer all the time.

6.) Kitchen appliances I'll only use twice a year

Like a mixer, and slow cooker, and food processor, and knife sharpener.

7.) Louboutin shoes

Why not?

8.) A cute weekender travel bag

Because my normal backpack ain't the classy messege I'm going for these days.

Peace, Santa/Obama

Day 267-- A writer's playlist

Some writers have cigarettes, some writers have tea, I have some beat up earbuds with the volume set high. 

And while I'm sure every writer has his or her own playlist, this is a sample mine.  Tonight's theme: writing cover letters for a copy writer job.  Witty, sarcastic, insight, playful, please hire me and I'll love you forever.

Cover letter (for being a copy writer) playlist:

#1.) [Setting the mood] "Where is My Mind" by The Pixies.  A nice dash of Fight Club bravo, word play, and cool.

#2.) [Edgy writing but with kindness]  "Crystalize" mash up with The XX and Gorillaz.  A funky weirdness with sweet longing.

#3.) [Confidence] "If It Hadn't Been for Love" by Adele.  Sexy, confident, simple.

#4.) [The happy groove]  "Every Teardrop is a Waterfall" by Coldplay.  Fun, energetic, keep it going.

5.) [Needing a break. This is hard stuff] "Sunday Kind of Love" by Etta James.  Warm, lounge, swept away in your thoughts.

#6.) [Still procrastinating] "Ramble On" by Led Zepplin. 

#7.) [Because every playlist needs Missy Elliot] "Lose Control" by Missy Elliot. Fucking love this song for all occasions.

 

# 8.) [Ok, get your shit to together and finish this thing] "Breaking the Habit" by Linkin Park.  A kinetic kick in the ass.

#9.) [Getting the mood back] The "Sex and the City Movie Theme Song"

10.) [Almost done and feeling fine.  Plus I love The XX and mash-ups with The XX]. "Crystalize" by The XX mash up with Kayne West's "Touch The Sky". 

Day 263-- Dear Obscenely Rude Customer Whose Goal Last Night Was to Make Me Feel Like Shit

Dear Obscenely Rude Customer Whose Goal Last Night Was to Make Me Feel Like Shit, 

Hi.  Hey, I know we had a bad start, so I'd like to start over.  My name is ------.  I know you just got into town and I just want to tell you about some things, if that's okay?

I've seen While You Were Sleeping with Sandra Bullock about 15 times with my mom.  My favorite color is lemon yellow.  I can tell you every bit of trivia from all of the Harry Potter books and movies because I'm such a nerd.  I'm addicted to chocolate lava cakes from Domino's.  One of my favorite memories of college was watching my cynical best friend Sarah fall in love for the first time.  I prefer sunrises over sunsets, I always tip 20%, I have the most ghetto flip-phone on the planet, the first thought I had when I met my boyfriend of 5 years was 'Wow, he's cute and I hope he doesn't think I'm a complete idiot', and I would never never want you to feel unwanted or ignored.

I'm sorry you had to wait a few extra minutes.  My co-worker was doing the check-ins and there was only that one guest she was helping (you weren't in the lobby then) so I was free to take that emergency call from the diner beneath the hotel, plus page maintenance about a separate problem, plus look for the diner worker who was just waiting in the lobby because he needed to get into the kitchen to get ice and I needed to locate who had the keys, plus write down a note to my GM regarding that phone call.  Once I hung up I even left the room to finish the note--he was stolen from in case you were wondering, and $150 is a big deal for a small business.  

Through it all, my co-worker was doing the check-ins and from my peripheral vision it seemed like there were only two people in her line (you were the second person) and I was almost done with the phone call, the page, and the note.  In all, you must have only waited 4 minutes at most.

Confession time: I did hear you ask if I was open.  But you said it in a low hiss--low enough that I could have not heard it, and in such a bitchy way I didn't want to help you, and you said it far away enough from my desk that you weren't demanding immediate attention.  I had just hung up and was finishing the last sentence of the note, which is why I went into the back office for those 45 seconds just to make you understand that no, I wasn't open because I was really busy and my co-worker was checking people in.

You later accused me of not making eye contact.  Of course I didn't.  I was busy juggling a call, a page, and a note in a 4 minute or less time frame and my co-worker didn't need help.  If you went to a bank and one teller is open and the other teller is not near the computer and is on the phone and not making eye contact, she or he is busy and will help you when they're ready.  It's common sense, and I bet in your job that you too understand what teamwork is and how if one person is doing A and you need to do B, and both are important, so you shouldn't drop things to do A as well.

I must ask you, if I had called you over to my desk while I was still on the phone and paging maintenance, would you have been upset if I had you stand there and wait for me?  Or would it have been better if you just went to my co-worker who was finishing up with a guest?

From what I overheard, you felt that someone cut in front of you in line which is another reason you were pissed.  This is partly my co-worker's fault.  She should have seen you and told that man that you were next.  And really, it was your fault for not standing in line and instead standing to the side.

Honestly though, you couldn't have waited more than 4 minutes at most.  4 minutes can be important, but sometimes when you're about to be a two-day guest in someone's house or apartment or hotel or store or whatever, starting off your impression of you as being unreasonable and unlikable doesn't really help you.

Or maybe it does.  You were so mean to me and bitter and questioning my work ethic that my boss came out and lowered your rate and got your son a birthday cake.  You got treated special because you were a bitch.  Because in the customer service industry in a bad economy, we can't afford bad press.

So, being a bitch and making a fellow human being feel like crap got you free things.  I guess you win.  But I wonder, do you think that your behavior and being rewarded for it is ethical?  How would your mother think of you and the way you treated me?  Because your husband looked embarrassed about your behavior, as did your grown children.

I couldn't sleep very well last night because I was thinking about you.  I was thinking about how you berated me, and how you're right, I messed up.  Those 4 minutes (or less) were more important to be spent on you than management emergencies and I should have called the diner back and waited on maintenance for a tiny bit longer.  And I'm sorry.  I really am.  I want your stay to be happy.  I mean that.  

Because I'm one of those people who does care.  But I just want you to know that every time those of us who do care gets wounded by customers like you, we close up a little bit more.  I was less vivacious for the guest after you.  And I was while I tried to get back into my friendly groove, the last hour and a half of my shift I just couldn't give 100%.  Maybe that's my problem.  But I can't help but wonder if maybe the people who don't care used to, and it's because of customers like you that they just....don't anymore.

So again, I am sorry.  I'm sorry you waited.  And I'm sorry that my two apologizes when you explained to me the situations didn't help, and I'm sorry my cheerful demeanor didn't help, and the free things didn't help.  And I'm sorry that you felt the need to send my death glares in the lobby all day, which would ruin my happiness because I was trying so hard to be nice--because I really am nice.  Finally you did smile at me, but maybe you just forgot who I was.

Anyway, I am sorry.  And just...well, I guess I just hope that you remember me.  Because someone else will mess up a little bit and make you wait those extra 4 minutes and you'll get frustrated and bitchy and make them feel like absolute shit and want to quit their jobs.  If I may ask anything of you, please just remember that he or she simply made a mistake.  He or she still has a birthday just like you, has a favorite food just like you, has probably seen the same movie a dozen times with their best friend just like you, and work long hours just like you, and is a human being just trying to make it in the world just like you.

Have a good stay at the hotel.

I mean that.

Sincerely,

--------

Day 262-- Romance with a twist of soup

What I like about romance is that it's not about one day, like Valentine's Day, or your birthday--it's an every day thing.  It can come with flowers, it can come with extra sweeten morning coffee, it can come with going out to your favorite restaurant, it can come with a can of soup.

When it comes to Valentine's Day my boyfriend and I takes turns on casual.  Since it comes after Christmas, our anniversary, his birthday, and a vacation thrown in somewhere between Dec-Feb, we're usually quite mellow about the whole thing.  For instance, last year we got dinner and saw a play (Death of a Salesman), and the year before I think we just got some pizza.  This year we slept in late in my cozy bed and got a little tangled before heading out to our favorite Cuban sandwich place.

Once there, we got into the discussion of politics and how I think more socialism is needed to free up creativity. If people took jobs based on interests instead of desperately needed benefits I wonder where we'd be as a country.  Personally, I think some socialistic programs like food stamps and addiction help are enablers, so that's not what I'm talking about.  I'm talking about universal healthcare (without birth control. I don't think that needs to be included), universal dental, universal vision, better pay for teachers, and tax breaks for organic foods.  If the country had it's health and mind supported, maybe we could build things again.  My boyfriend was all about how private lives shouldn't be public knowledge, and legalization of victimless drug use. 

We walked along the beach aka our neighborhood and ended up on the couch talking about a Safe Access meeting that night and if we should go.  Americans for Safe Access is a medical marijuana advocacy group who focus just on medical marijuana.  Clearly they haven't done enough since nearly all of the 200 medical collectives in San Diego are now closed.  Half way to legal just doesn't work.  Civil unions were the half way legal way to marriage and that didn't work.  Medical alcohol during Prohibition didn't work.  The writing's on the wall. And we had a frank talk about my boyfriend's job.  He hasn't been very open with me because his boss hasn't been very open with him.  Collectives are shutting down by the dozens every day so the work load has been cut in half, and my boyfriend's job in now on a call-if-needed basis.  It's precarious and I asked him what his tolerance is for it.  He said the summer time, which seems to be the dateline for all major decisions these days.

The meeting was interesting.  A few guys who've been busted and jailed. A confused Ron Paul supporter who thought it was a Ron Paul meeting.  A debate if donations to the organization or community complaints by individuals to our congress people are the better answer.  And no one has any answers.

I was bummed the bookstore was closed on the way home.

Yesterday that cold I'd been fighting finally hit me, and my boyfriend showed up with three cans soup.  I tried my best not to tell him that I hate Campbell's soup...

Over spoonfuls of soup I told him my plans of starting a literary magazine instead of an online magazine.  It would be easier to create and would give me practice for the eventual je t'aime magazine.  The boyfriend said that I shouldn't.  If I'm going to be creating something it should be fun and something that I really want to do. "Say you want to learn how to make cabinets.  Now if you start off with learning how to make tables because they're easier, but by the time you're good at making tables....you could have just been making cabinets that the whole time."

It was a good point and I'll be getting a used copy of how to build websites sometimes next week.  We put away the dishes and headed back to his place.

There wasn't a moon last night, so the stars were all shiny and bright and something to behold.  I remembered my old junior college days taking astronomy and finding Orion, the swan, and the Pleiades while pointing them out to my boyfriend.  We walked out to the rocky edge of the ocean--far away enough from the street lights and just a few feet from the water.  Absolutely beautiful night.  And hopefully that couple with the dog didn't quite see what we were up to in the dark...

Back to the house and I made some brownies, which tasted more like cake than brownies, and we caught up on Colbert and Jon Stewert.  I don't quite remember falling asleep on the couch, but I do remember sleeping in this morning until 11 nice and warm next to him.

We walked back to my house this morning in the sun and talked shit about the new table the roommates brought home which doesn't fit the room AT all.  There's that old concept again: a dream needing pragmatism.  But for now, some extra sweeten coffee and a rose near my bed are quite enough.

Day 261-- Becoming a Californian

Blame the seductive Bed Bath and Beyond for my blog absence this week.  As I mentioned in a previous post, I've been diligent in redecorating my room this week by finally putting pictures in frames, my diploma on the wall, flowers in the vase, a lamp with a lamp shade, I pinned my multi-colored scarves on my wall as a unique headboard, and I finally bought a new white comforter set with lush red throw pillows.  

Thank God for 20% off coupons and stocked up Christmas gift cards and Christmas money I've been saving until I had a reason worth spending.

This week I've also become a California, officially!  Nice and early on Thursday I went to get my headlight fixed at the dealership (and wore a cute little dress and got 10% off for no reason ;), then around 10:30am I went to get my required smog check for $31 with a coupon, then around 1pm I headed to the DMV to get my new title, my new registration, change out my plates, and take my driver's test all over again like I was 15.  I passed, and after handing over my $143 for registration and $30 for my new license, I was official. 

I think I'm someone who needs a tribe, whether that's a friend group, a community, or a citizenship.  Immediately after I came home I was itching to vote on California issues.  Did you know that hundreds of medial marijuana collectives have been raided or shut down by the feds in the past weeks?  Patients--patients like cancer patients who have lost their appetites from chemo, patients with severe insomnia who are tired of pumping addictive sleep medication into their bodies, patients who suffer from Parkinson's and other nerve afflictions and need something to calm their bodies--these patients have been shut out.  Or, some of the collectives are reverting to delivery services which only puts it back to the underground and black market.

Look, I'm not especially pro-marijuana (though I've smoked 4 times) because nearly all smokers I've met are broke, unmotivated, and not contributing to the society.  But I don't think it should be illegal.  And honestly, it's just NOT WORKING.  The drug war is not working.  It's just not.  So it can be in the underground forever and we can waste millions upon millions of tax dollars on something not that harmful, or, we can legalize and tax it, making it ok for smokers who are enjoying their life, safe for people with medical issues, and give us some extra tax cash for things more important like health care, dental care, education, and infrastructure.

Prohibition simply didn't work in 1933.  And tobacco will never be illegal because it won't work.  And coffee and caffeine will never be banned because it simply won't work.  Making pot illegal simply isn't working and won't.  So I want to help change the laws by voting and talking to representatives to help stop wasting my money on something so futile.

In other news, my friend The Actress came to visit from LA.  She was supposed to do a photo shoot but it canceled before she headed out.  I convinced her to come out anyway to get out of LA and to see me and she threw some stuff in a bag and headed over.

She arrived just in time as I got home from getting some groceries.  She's broke and honest.  She would rather eat in than eat out to save money, and besides me, she's the only other person on the planet with a ghetto phone to save money. 

I decided to make fajitas (veggie for her, chicken for us) with my guacamole, and we had a tv date with the Grammys.  So I drove us to my boyfriend's house down the road since he has the tv and the people.

Anyway, I cooked up the bell peppers and onion, made some rice (the first I've ever not burnt rice, thank you very much :), stripped the rotisserie chicken meat, and shredded some cheddar cheese. 

I highly recommend serving chicken fajitas whenever you have 4+ people to feed because you can pull out a dark cutting board and on that board fill colorful bowls of chicken-cheese-guac-veggies-rice and keep a plate full of warm tortillas on the right side of the cutting board, and a bowl full of blue corn tortilla chips on the left side of the cutting board.  Super easy and it looks wonderful.

And it was a hit of course, as were the Grammys and the company.  The Dietitian was feeling like absolute shit from a hang-over but she roused herself enough to hang out--plus she's a bit of a fiend of my gauc, haha.  Anyway, she was totally fun and made The Actress laugh when The Actress asked: "What did you drink last night?" and she responded, "Too much."  Our dj friend also came over, and brought his friend who was this spunky stoned girl who loved Gaga as much as we do. 

I don't think I have to talk about how much the Grammys killed it.  Adele's "Rolling in the Deep"? Oh my God.  You know she was directing that to her ex as a 'fuck you, you could have had it all.  And you don't.' Then there was Rihanna's bit which was electrifying, and after watching Coldplay's performance I sincerely want to watch them live.  So magical.  All of us girls had nothing but hate to say about Chris Brown, and we had nothing but praise and admiration for Jennifer Hudson's respectful, tender, sweet, stunning, and ultimately perfect tribute to Whitney Houston.  Oh, and The Civil Wars were a nice surprise, as was Dead Mau5--who probably confused the older viewers.  "That's what our generation is into," said our DJ Friend. "Lights and sounds" and energy.  And whaaaaa the hell was Nikki Minaj's performance about?  It was a confusing mess that was annoying as it was painfully embarrassing.  With a shared blunt and some dark chocolate brownies it was perfect way to spend a Sunday night.

The Actress and I headed back to my house and got into a discussion about "wasting time" when it comes to the not-marriage guy.  At  23 it's starting to become a...stress for us.  Not that she wants to get married and I'm convinced that I would be a better partner at 43 than 23 but still...She's dating a guy she likes but as she said, if a year passes and she still likes what they have but there isn't a future of progress between them it's a waste of her time. As I said, we lose our "marketability" each year we get older.  Guys want to date 22 year olds, not 27 year olds.  Or as she put it, our sample pool gets smaller, as we don't want to date younger guys and the older ones have too much baggage.

My friends and I have this programming of "better better better, more more more, progress progress progress" (my words) in our heads and we can't help but wonder that question, 'Is this good enough?' but the answer will always be 'no'.  Is it the guys we're with? Or is it us?  And both The Actress and I can't help but feel a little jealous of The Mormon friend who is so 100% confident that her husband is the right person. I want to feel that way.

I woke up early and watched clips from the Grammys.  She slept in very late and pronounced love for my absolutely comfortable bed.  Coming from someone who is not easily impressed, I was flattered.

There are a ton of antique store in my neighborhood and since she's looking for a white metal rod headboard and I'm always looking for antique typewriters and cameras we hit all of them.

We walked up and down the street going over the same conversation about whether or not sending boyfriends nude pictures is a good idea.  We both fervently say 'no', as there is a pervasive gotcha nature of social media and repercussions of mistakes that will never go away online.

She wanted to see The Vow in theaters, which amused me somewhat.  Most people come to San Diego to see the beach or the city or the sights and she'd rather sit in a dark theater for 2 hours watching a semi-crappy movie.  Scratch that, it was awful.  It's main offense was that it was boring, so boring in fact, that you don't care that the couple got together in the first place so you don't care if they get back together or not.  Neither of us liked it, and wonder if it would have been a better movie if Mandy Moore would have been in it, and we would have wanted a less stick-figure actor than Channing. 

And so it's been a busy week.  I'm still riding on the good vibes of my trip to Tempe, though I admit I've been a little sidetracked with decorating and visits to send out resumes and get new interview heels.  But it's been nice to be busy, ya know?