Day 42-- Crispy breezy warm Tuesday

Fledgling plans are starting to nest.  I feel like today is going to be a good day. My jumbo cup of tea still has a few inches to the bottom, my fingernails have traces of Aqua Blue paint from last night's painting project, and Oh Land's "Son of a Gun" is fitting my mood on this crispy breezy warm Tuesday afternoon.

Then again, how can a day ever go wrong when you're wearing a Lady Gaga t-shirt and ASU shorts? 

In the last 24 hours my notebook has been littered by pencil cursive with plans, fears, book ideas, future blog entries [Mashed Red Potato recipe, Two Lime Guacamole recipe, song reviews for "Someone Like You" (Adele) and "Pyro" (Kings of Leon), 7 Things I Wish I Knew Before College/Do Know Now/Still Want to Know, book reviews, ect].   My computer's tabs are nearly full with book publishers in Portland, Oregon, New York, New York, and 1 in San Diego.

So here's where I'm at from yesterday.  I am not ready for a move.  I'm simply not.  I said I would give San Diego 6 months to a year as a training year to figure out what I want to do and to give my relationship a chance to be normal, not to mention myself a year to grow into a professional here where it doesn't matter before a job that does matter.  The reason I've been freaking out is my resume.  I figured that being a shiny new graduate would give me a free pass on my inexperience.  If I wait, then more shiny graduates will be ahead of me in Dec and next May if I still don't have experience by then.

Let me ramble a bit more.

New York -- I'm not a NY girl.  I'm not competitive, I'm not really a city type (I'm a college town type), and it would be such an extreme move that I would want to want it 100% fuck you I'm doing this I'm the best.  I'm not at that level of gusto.  But in a perfect life, being a children's lit editor in New York with Louboutin shoes and doing lunch in the city would be the high life.  I couldn't do it justice yet.

Portland, Oregon-- Portland is a small city in its whole vibe, including its book publishers.  Most of these publishers only have 2 people working them and only put out 1-6 books total, or by special order only. I will never be rich or secure doing publishing in that city.  However, what Portland doesn't have in might, it has who I am.  Trees and coffee shop chats about literature and the world.  There is a wealth of writers in that city.  Poor ones, unfortunately.  But what a fun life to be around that sort of creativity.  Too bad it's so fucking cold most of the year.

San Diego -- I can't say this enough: San Diego is a beautiful city.  The weather is pretty amazing too.  It's a wonderland for perfect vacations.  Unfortunately it only had 1 fiction book publisher and tons of magazines.  This is a culture that hits the beach instead of hitting the books.  And that's ok here.  But I'm not ready to settle into coziness "If all the year were playing holiday/To sport would be as tedious as work" (Henry IV, 1.2. 211-212)

So here is the loose plan

Apply to the internship for the 1 book publisher in San Diego >> apply for a job at a playhouse theater in SD for money and free plays >> if I get the internship it will be over by December >> maybe apply to jobs in Portland and New York by then >> if not, apply for magazine writing internships in San Diego for a few months >> definitely apply to NY and Portland by April next year