I like having days off on rainy days. Makes things seem calm and warm on the inside while the outside is gray and drizzly.
I don't have much to report tonight, just an average day living by the beach. My boyfriend woke up before I did to take care of some plant orders at work. I slept in till late, then woke up slowly reading articles and procrastinating on laundry.
A hot bath and the boyfriend came over to pick me up for lunch. Nothing like warm skin, tugged lips, teeth marks on biceps and hand prints from spanks to fully wake up for the day...
We really need to stop getting food from this bar facing the ocean. This is my 5th attempt of eating their food and it was only a mild success, for it's not really that hard to screw up a burger, but the whole thing was a drippy mess with mayo and grilled onions. Though it did pair well with my extra sweet cosmo that he helped me finish.
We talked about the news of Danica Patrick and got into a bit of a debate over "mens" sports, which involve any sport that comes with the chance of dying. Somehow my boyfriend related queen ants with disposable men, how women have a better chance of reproducing their genes then men, and how superior men have their genes passed down versus average men who aren't picked by women. "Do you see yourself as a superior man?" I asked. He evaded the question and asked if I was a superior female. "No. Too short." I answered. "Cleopatra was short," he replied. "Was she?" "I think she was 4'9" and she ruled over the Romans," he smirked. I laughed.
He continued, "It's about using sexuality as a weapon. That's the problem with feminism." I shot him an angry look. "No, no listen," he said, "It's not that feminism isn't about being treated as a human being and being respected and having the same opportunities as all human beings, but a female sexuality is a woman's greatest weapon over men to get what she wants, and to not use both power and sexuality isn't using all the tools available."
There's a contest at work to get the most club member sign-ups. I winning it by like 27 to 5. I can get maybe 1 female for every 15 male to sign up. Not to mention tip money from men, or free pizzas from the guys who work there. It's not being flirty. Just an extra smile to see them. Total suckers. It's a generality, but women tend to hate women--especially if they're under 25 and skinny.
"Margaret Thatcher hated women," I said. "Did she use her sexuality?" he asked. "No, I don't think so. Just sheer will and acting powerful."
After lunch the rain was pouring and I wanted to get some things done, so I went home to read, sleep, light some candles, almost finish my taxes, finally clean out my closet of dirty clothes and a fake Christmas tree in parts, plus work on this much belated birthday cd mix.
It's almost March and I'm honestly pretty excited about it. I have a few goals starting March 1st, like finally get a smart phone, sign up for a Groupon yoga session, learn how to fly a kite, go to some free concerts, maybe make some friends, and hopefully get a new job if not a side job. I go on Indeed.com and craigslist and various company sites and absolutely no writer jobs have been listed in about a week.
Well, my friends. Off to put stuff in the dryer and listen to Bitter:Sweet on Pandora. Hope it's raining where you are and that there's a nice cup of tea in your hands. Till next time!
Is the IRS the Spring Santa? Everyone around me is getting tax returns and suddenly brand new phones, tvs, and--if those twitches and a few too many "sick" days from one of my co-workers means anything--new cocaine. Which makes me think I should update my Christmas list a little early.
Dear Santa,
I've been well these past few months. Lots of nice and a little naughty *wink* and hopelessly broke thanks to $4.27 a gallon gas prices. Now, if my tax returns give me back $1,000 or less you know me and my damned responsibility and all of that money will quickly go into savings, only to be used for my bi-annual car insurance or visiting the dentist.
But. But if I get over $1,000 I have a few things I would love all shiny and bright.
1.) A new computer. Maybe a Mac.
Oh this computer of mine. Large. Clanky. Heavy. Too big to fit into some backpacks. Almost as ghetto as my flip-phone. And now the power cord is spasing out so it will turn off every time I move my computer more than an inch, and/or sneeze.
2.) A netbook
I really have no need for an iPad, but I would love a netbook. I write a lot and I'm not always home to use my ghetto clanky heavy lap top with no battery charge. A netbook could fit in my purse and go wherever I happen to be.
3.) A new camera with a good low-light lens
I take a lot of pictures and unfortunately this camera has such an awful flash it looks like my memories are being blasted with a police spot light. I would like to have a camera where we all don't look like criminals.
4.) A telescope
No, I don't actually need one but I am a bit of star gazer and on new moon nights right on beach it would be lovely to view the stars in a better lens than my watery contacts.
5.) iPod wall speakers
I probably listen to music 1-2 hours a day, which is down from about 3-4 during the summer, and down from 5-6 during high school and college. I love music, and it would be nice to have some rad-ass speakers instead of my iPod or computer all the time.
6.) Kitchen appliances I'll only use twice a year
Like a mixer, and slow cooker, and food processor, and knife sharpener.
7.) Louboutin shoes
Why not?
8.) A cute weekender travel bag
Because my normal backpack ain't the classy messege I'm going for these days.
Some writers have cigarettes, some writers have tea, I have some beat up earbuds with the volume set high.
And while I'm sure every writer has his or her own playlist, this is a sample mine. Tonight's theme: writing cover letters for a copy writer job. Witty, sarcastic, insight, playful, please hire me and I'll love you forever.
Cover letter (for being a copy writer) playlist:
#1.) [Setting the mood] "Where is My Mind" by The Pixies. A nice dash of Fight Club bravo, word play, and cool.
#2.) [Edgy writing but with kindness] "Crystalize" mash up with The XX and Gorillaz. A funky weirdness with sweet longing.
#3.) [Confidence] "If It Hadn't Been for Love" by Adele. Sexy, confident, simple.
#4.) [The happy groove] "Every Teardrop is a Waterfall" by Coldplay. Fun, energetic, keep it going.
5.) [Needing a break. This is hard stuff] "Sunday Kind of Love" by Etta James. Warm, lounge, swept away in your thoughts.
#6.) [Still procrastinating] "Ramble On" by Led Zepplin.
#7.) [Because every playlist needs Missy Elliot] "Lose Control" by Missy Elliot. Fucking love this song for all occasions.
# 8.) [Ok, get your shit to together and finish this thing] "Breaking the Habit" by Linkin Park. A kinetic kick in the ass.
#9.) [Getting the mood back] The "Sex and the City Movie Theme Song"
10.) [Almost done and feeling fine. Plus I love The XX and mash-ups with The XX]. "Crystalize" by The XX mash up with Kayne West's "Touch The Sky".
Dear Obscenely Rude Customer Whose Goal Last Night Was to Make Me Feel Like Shit,
Hi. Hey, I know we had a bad start, so I'd like to start over. My name is ------. I know you just got into town and I just want to tell you about some things, if that's okay?
I've seen While You Were Sleeping with Sandra Bullock about 15 times with my mom. My favorite color is lemon yellow. I can tell you every bit of trivia from all of the Harry Potter books and movies because I'm such a nerd. I'm addicted to chocolate lava cakes from Domino's. One of my favorite memories of college was watching my cynical best friend Sarah fall in love for the first time. I prefer sunrises over sunsets, I always tip 20%, I have the most ghetto flip-phone on the planet, the first thought I had when I met my boyfriend of 5 years was 'Wow, he's cute and I hope he doesn't think I'm a complete idiot', and I would never never want you to feel unwanted or ignored.
I'm sorry you had to wait a few extra minutes. My co-worker was doing the check-ins and there was only that one guest she was helping (you weren't in the lobby then) so I was free to take that emergency call from the diner beneath the hotel, plus page maintenance about a separate problem, plus look for the diner worker who was just waiting in the lobby because he needed to get into the kitchen to get ice and I needed to locate who had the keys, plus write down a note to my GM regarding that phone call. Once I hung up I even left the room to finish the note--he was stolen from in case you were wondering, and $150 is a big deal for a small business.
Through it all, my co-worker was doing the check-ins and from my peripheral vision it seemed like there were only two people in her line (you were the second person) and I was almost done with the phone call, the page, and the note. In all, you must have only waited 4 minutes at most.
Confession time: I did hear you ask if I was open. But you said it in a low hiss--low enough that I could have not heard it, and in such a bitchy way I didn't want to help you, and you said it far away enough from my desk that you weren't demanding immediate attention. I had just hung up and was finishing the last sentence of the note, which is why I went into the back office for those 45 seconds just to make you understand that no, I wasn't open because I was really busy and my co-worker was checking people in.
You later accused me of not making eye contact. Of course I didn't. I was busy juggling a call, a page, and a note in a 4 minute or less time frame and my co-worker didn't need help. If you went to a bank and one teller is open and the other teller is not near the computer and is on the phone and not making eye contact, she or he is busy and will help you when they're ready. It's common sense, and I bet in your job that you too understand what teamwork is and how if one person is doing A and you need to do B, and both are important, so you shouldn't drop things to do A as well.
I must ask you, if I had called you over to my desk while I was still on the phone and paging maintenance, would you have been upset if I had you stand there and wait for me? Or would it have been better if you just went to my co-worker who was finishing up with a guest?
From what I overheard, you felt that someone cut in front of you in line which is another reason you were pissed. This is partly my co-worker's fault. She should have seen you and told that man that you were next. And really, it was your fault for not standing in line and instead standing to the side.
Honestly though, you couldn't have waited more than 4 minutes at most. 4 minutes can be important, but sometimes when you're about to be a two-day guest in someone's house or apartment or hotel or store or whatever, starting off your impression of you as being unreasonable and unlikable doesn't really help you.
Or maybe it does. You were so mean to me and bitter and questioning my work ethic that my boss came out and lowered your rate and got your son a birthday cake. You got treated special because you were a bitch. Because in the customer service industry in a bad economy, we can't afford bad press.
So, being a bitch and making a fellow human being feel like crap got you free things. I guess you win. But I wonder, do you think that your behavior and being rewarded for it is ethical? How would your mother think of you and the way you treated me? Because your husband looked embarrassed about your behavior, as did your grown children.
I couldn't sleep very well last night because I was thinking about you. I was thinking about how you berated me, and how you're right, I messed up. Those 4 minutes (or less) were more important to be spent on you than management emergencies and I should have called the diner back and waited on maintenance for a tiny bit longer. And I'm sorry. I really am. I want your stay to be happy. I mean that.
Because I'm one of those people who does care. But I just want you to know that every time those of us who do care gets wounded by customers like you, we close up a little bit more. I was less vivacious for the guest after you. And I was while I tried to get back into my friendly groove, the last hour and a half of my shift I just couldn't give 100%. Maybe that's my problem. But I can't help but wonder if maybe the people who don't care used to, and it's because of customers like you that they just....don't anymore.
So again, I am sorry. I'm sorry you waited. And I'm sorry that my two apologizes when you explained to me the situations didn't help, and I'm sorry my cheerful demeanor didn't help, and the free things didn't help. And I'm sorry that you felt the need to send my death glares in the lobby all day, which would ruin my happiness because I was trying so hard to be nice--because I really am nice. Finally you did smile at me, but maybe you just forgot who I was.
Anyway, I am sorry. And just...well, I guess I just hope that you remember me. Because someone else will mess up a little bit and make you wait those extra 4 minutes and you'll get frustrated and bitchy and make them feel like absolute shit and want to quit their jobs. If I may ask anything of you, please just remember that he or she simply made a mistake. He or she still has a birthday just like you, has a favorite food just like you, has probably seen the same movie a dozen times with their best friend just like you, and work long hours just like you, and is a human being just trying to make it in the world just like you.
What I like about romance is that it's not about one day, like Valentine's Day, or your birthday--it's an every day thing. It can come with flowers, it can come with extra sweeten morning coffee, it can come with going out to your favorite restaurant, it can come with a can of soup.
When it comes to Valentine's Day my boyfriend and I takes turns on casual. Since it comes after Christmas, our anniversary, his birthday, and a vacation thrown in somewhere between Dec-Feb, we're usually quite mellow about the whole thing. For instance, last year we got dinner and saw a play (Death of a Salesman), and the year before I think we just got some pizza. This year we slept in late in my cozy bed and got a little tangled before heading out to our favorite Cuban sandwich place.
Once there, we got into the discussion of politics and how I think more socialism is needed to free up creativity. If people took jobs based on interests instead of desperately needed benefits I wonder where we'd be as a country. Personally, I think some socialistic programs like food stamps and addiction help are enablers, so that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about universal healthcare (without birth control. I don't think that needs to be included), universal dental, universal vision, better pay for teachers, and tax breaks for organic foods. If the country had it's health and mind supported, maybe we could build things again. My boyfriend was all about how private lives shouldn't be public knowledge, and legalization of victimless drug use.
We walked along the beach aka our neighborhood and ended up on the couch talking about a Safe Access meeting that night and if we should go. Americans for Safe Access is a medical marijuana advocacy group who focus just on medical marijuana. Clearly they haven't done enough since nearly all of the 200 medical collectives in San Diego are now closed. Half way to legal just doesn't work. Civil unions were the half way legal way to marriage and that didn't work. Medical alcohol during Prohibition didn't work. The writing's on the wall. And we had a frank talk about my boyfriend's job. He hasn't been very open with me because his boss hasn't been very open with him. Collectives are shutting down by the dozens every day so the work load has been cut in half, and my boyfriend's job in now on a call-if-needed basis. It's precarious and I asked him what his tolerance is for it. He said the summer time, which seems to be the dateline for all major decisions these days.
The meeting was interesting. A few guys who've been busted and jailed. A confused Ron Paul supporter who thought it was a Ron Paul meeting. A debate if donations to the organization or community complaints by individuals to our congress people are the better answer. And no one has any answers.
I was bummed the bookstore was closed on the way home.
Yesterday that cold I'd been fighting finally hit me, and my boyfriend showed up with three cans soup. I tried my best not to tell him that I hate Campbell's soup...
Over spoonfuls of soup I told him my plans of starting a literary magazine instead of an online magazine. It would be easier to create and would give me practice for the eventual je t'aime magazine. The boyfriend said that I shouldn't. If I'm going to be creating something it should be fun and something that I really want to do. "Say you want to learn how to make cabinets. Now if you start off with learning how to make tables because they're easier, but by the time you're good at making tables....you could have just been making cabinets that the whole time."
It was a good point and I'll be getting a used copy of how to build websites sometimes next week. We put away the dishes and headed back to his place.
There wasn't a moon last night, so the stars were all shiny and bright and something to behold. I remembered my old junior college days taking astronomy and finding Orion, the swan, and the Pleiades while pointing them out to my boyfriend. We walked out to the rocky edge of the ocean--far away enough from the street lights and just a few feet from the water. Absolutely beautiful night. And hopefully that couple with the dog didn't quite see what we were up to in the dark...
Back to the house and I made some brownies, which tasted more like cake than brownies, and we caught up on Colbert and Jon Stewert. I don't quite remember falling asleep on the couch, but I do remember sleeping in this morning until 11 nice and warm next to him.
We walked back to my house this morning in the sun and talked shit about the new table the roommates brought home which doesn't fit the room AT all. There's that old concept again: a dream needing pragmatism. But for now, some extra sweeten coffee and a rose near my bed are quite enough.
Blame the seductive Bed Bath and Beyond for my blog absence this week. As I mentioned in a previous post, I've been diligent in redecorating my room this week by finally putting pictures in frames, my diploma on the wall, flowers in the vase, a lamp with a lamp shade, I pinned my multi-colored scarves on my wall as a unique headboard, and I finally bought a new white comforter set with lush red throw pillows.
Thank God for 20% off coupons and stocked up Christmas gift cards and Christmas money I've been saving until I had a reason worth spending.
This week I've also become a California, officially! Nice and early on Thursday I went to get my headlight fixed at the dealership (and wore a cute little dress and got 10% off for no reason ;), then around 10:30am I went to get my required smog check for $31 with a coupon, then around 1pm I headed to the DMV to get my new title, my new registration, change out my plates, and take my driver's test all over again like I was 15. I passed, and after handing over my $143 for registration and $30 for my new license, I was official.
I think I'm someone who needs a tribe, whether that's a friend group, a community, or a citizenship. Immediately after I came home I was itching to vote on California issues. Did you know that hundreds of medial marijuana collectives have been raided or shut down by the feds in the past weeks? Patients--patients like cancer patients who have lost their appetites from chemo, patients with severe insomnia who are tired of pumping addictive sleep medication into their bodies, patients who suffer from Parkinson's and other nerve afflictions and need something to calm their bodies--these patients have been shut out. Or, some of the collectives are reverting to delivery services which only puts it back to the underground and black market.
Look, I'm not especially pro-marijuana (though I've smoked 4 times) because nearly all smokers I've met are broke, unmotivated, and not contributing to the society. But I don't think it should be illegal. And honestly, it's just NOT WORKING. The drug war is not working. It's just not. So it can be in the underground forever and we can waste millions upon millions of tax dollars on something not that harmful, or, we can legalize and tax it, making it ok for smokers who are enjoying their life, safe for people with medical issues, and give us some extra tax cash for things more important like health care, dental care, education, and infrastructure.
Prohibition simply didn't work in 1933. And tobacco will never be illegal because it won't work. And coffee and caffeine will never be banned because it simply won't work. Making pot illegal simply isn't working and won't. So I want to help change the laws by voting and talking to representatives to help stop wasting my money on something so futile.
In other news, my friend The Actress came to visit from LA. She was supposed to do a photo shoot but it canceled before she headed out. I convinced her to come out anyway to get out of LA and to see me and she threw some stuff in a bag and headed over.
She arrived just in time as I got home from getting some groceries. She's broke and honest. She would rather eat in than eat out to save money, and besides me, she's the only other person on the planet with a ghetto phone to save money.
I decided to make fajitas (veggie for her, chicken for us) with my guacamole, and we had a tv date with the Grammys. So I drove us to my boyfriend's house down the road since he has the tv and the people.
Anyway, I cooked up the bell peppers and onion, made some rice (the first I've ever not burnt rice, thank you very much :), stripped the rotisserie chicken meat, and shredded some cheddar cheese.
I highly recommend serving chicken fajitas whenever you have 4+ people to feed because you can pull out a dark cutting board and on that board fill colorful bowls of chicken-cheese-guac-veggies-rice and keep a plate full of warm tortillas on the right side of the cutting board, and a bowl full of blue corn tortilla chips on the left side of the cutting board. Super easy and it looks wonderful.
And it was a hit of course, as were the Grammys and the company. The Dietitian was feeling like absolute shit from a hang-over but she roused herself enough to hang out--plus she's a bit of a fiend of my gauc, haha. Anyway, she was totally fun and made The Actress laugh when The Actress asked: "What did you drink last night?" and she responded, "Too much." Our dj friend also came over, and brought his friend who was this spunky stoned girl who loved Gaga as much as we do.
I don't think I have to talk about how much the Grammys killed it. Adele's "Rolling in the Deep"? Oh my God. You know she was directing that to her ex as a 'fuck you, you could have had it all. And you don't.' Then there was Rihanna's bit which was electrifying, and after watching Coldplay's performance I sincerely want to watch them live. So magical. All of us girls had nothing but hate to say about Chris Brown, and we had nothing but praise and admiration for Jennifer Hudson's respectful, tender, sweet, stunning, and ultimately perfect tribute to Whitney Houston. Oh, and The Civil Wars were a nice surprise, as was Dead Mau5--who probably confused the older viewers. "That's what our generation is into," said our DJ Friend. "Lights and sounds" and energy. And whaaaaa the hell was Nikki Minaj's performance about? It was a confusing mess that was annoying as it was painfully embarrassing. With a shared blunt and some dark chocolate brownies it was perfect way to spend a Sunday night.
The Actress and I headed back to my house and got into a discussion about "wasting time" when it comes to the not-marriage guy. At 23 it's starting to become a...stress for us. Not that she wants to get married and I'm convinced that I would be a better partner at 43 than 23 but still...She's dating a guy she likes but as she said, if a year passes and she still likes what they have but there isn't a future of progress between them it's a waste of her time. As I said, we lose our "marketability" each year we get older. Guys want to date 22 year olds, not 27 year olds. Or as she put it, our sample pool gets smaller, as we don't want to date younger guys and the older ones have too much baggage.
My friends and I have this programming of "better better better, more more more, progress progress progress" (my words) in our heads and we can't help but wonder that question, 'Is this good enough?' but the answer will always be 'no'. Is it the guys we're with? Or is it us? And both The Actress and I can't help but feel a little jealous of The Mormon friend who is so 100% confident that her husband is the right person. I want to feel that way.
I woke up early and watched clips from the Grammys. She slept in very late and pronounced love for my absolutely comfortable bed. Coming from someone who is not easily impressed, I was flattered.
There are a ton of antique store in my neighborhood and since she's looking for a white metal rod headboard and I'm always looking for antique typewriters and cameras we hit all of them.
We walked up and down the street going over the same conversation about whether or not sending boyfriends nude pictures is a good idea. We both fervently say 'no', as there is a pervasive gotcha nature of social media and repercussions of mistakes that will never go away online.
She wanted to see The Vow in theaters, which amused me somewhat. Most people come to San Diego to see the beach or the city or the sights and she'd rather sit in a dark theater for 2 hours watching a semi-crappy movie. Scratch that, it was awful. It's main offense was that it was boring, so boring in fact, that you don't care that the couple got together in the first place so you don't care if they get back together or not. Neither of us liked it, and wonder if it would have been a better movie if Mandy Moore would have been in it, and we would have wanted a less stick-figure actor than Channing.
And so it's been a busy week. I'm still riding on the good vibes of my trip to Tempe, though I admit I've been a little sidetracked with decorating and visits to send out resumes and get new interview heels. But it's been nice to be busy, ya know?
Some red licorice, a Bergamot Tobacco candle, some Vivaldi, and a notebook full of black inky scratches outlining my yet-to-be-launched online magazine je t'aime.
I'm thinking that I want the top on top of the "j" to be a stick figure's girl's head with a pink poka dot scarf loosing flying off of the top part of the "j". So far I have plans of a soft pink/rich pink/black/polka dot color scheme with sections clearly dedicated to the twentysomething girl, such as Career, Fashion, Sex, World, Travel, Fod, Lifestyle, and Daily Blog. It's my goal to work on this project for about an hour each day so I can learn how to design a website and edit content.
I'm really quite excited about it :) Of course I'm nervous that the whole thing will fall through but c'est la vie. Oh, and other names in the running: Smitten, Urbanitini, and synonyms for beginning, start, new, ect.
Since returning from my trip back to Tempe I've also begun to decorate for the first time. Time to put pictures in the empty frames and buy a new lamp to replace this busted one with no lamp shade. I've also spent the past two days doing some price checking on a new white comforter, white sheets, some fake white flowers, ruby red throw pillows, and some art work to match. I definitely don't have the money, especially after my DMV/smog test/dealership appointments tomorrow (yikes) but I think that a change of scenery for my homelife would be healthy for me. New look, new outlook.
I'm taking my friend S----'s advice to start living in San Diego as if this is a place I might stay in for awhile so I can feel settled enough here to find a better job, make some friends, work on these side projects, and find happiness. Because if I leave, I leave. But living here like a ghost is making me miserable and it'll be the same damn thing wherever I go until I build my resume and attitude.
Speaking of which, I'll be applying for some junior copy editor/media jobs soon. I have my resume updated, and I'm in the final edits of my cover letter, plus I have a few tabs open for jobs I want so yeah...good things, and I'm trying to keep up the momentum. :D
Back to Tempe and my college town. Running on little sleep from driving in around 3:30am and the bubbling excitement to see my friends for the first time since graduation 8 months ago.
10:45am and changing into a cheery orange and white striped tank tops with designer jeans with Ugg boots. S---- aka my favorite roommate in college aka probably my best friend in college picked me up at the hotel and I nearly ran to hug her. She apologized for her messy car, which made me laugh because in the entire 4 years I've known the girl her car has ALWAYS been messy. Thankfully, some things never change.
Back to the scene of the crime at iHop where we've spent far too many nights discussing boys, roommates, and life as a girl in today's world. Judging by how she was playing with her hands I knew she was a little nervous to see me and I realized I was too. Would things be the same? Has too much times passed? Nope, things are just fine!
Soon we were laughing about old friends and frat parties we went to many years ago, including that one Halloween and a suspicious trade of making out for cigarettes. "That's the trouble with having a sober friend--I remember everything," I laughed. As we chatted she told me that she's getting married to her boyfriend in the next few years, which was a semi-surprise to hear. Not that it was wasn't obvious that she's really happy and they're doing well by living together and are making decent money right now and have been together for 3 years, but it was a surprise at how seamless the decision of future rings and wedding seemed to come to her. And I'm happy for her. Truly truly.
We lingered at the table for a long time after the check came, enjoying girl time we both haven't had in a while, and I realized then how much I've missed her and how much I've missed simply hanging out. She paid for my breakfast, which was a real nice treat and I promised I'd pay for our inevitable Starbucks run that always happens when we're together. But first the MU (the Memorial Union) to try and pick up my W2 since they don't answer their phones. No luck. And I didn't recognize anyone working at Starbucks on campus to say hello.
Off to the ASU Bookstore where we looked for alumni shirts and a new back window sticker for me. It was strange walking through campus in that it was not strange walking through campus. "I feel like I've never left," she said plainly and slightly confused and I agreed completely.
Along the walk I talked to her about my online magazine idea. I've come to find two things in recent months: (1) I can't get communications jobs without experience and no one will hire me without experience so maybe I need to create my own projects, and (2) my kind of magazine doesn't exist on newsstands. Have you noticed that women's magazines are usually one topic, whether it's Sex, or Fashion, or Politics, or Food, or Home, ect? I want a magazine geared for the twentysomething life of What to Wear to a Job Interview, and sex tips, and recipes, and a travel section spotlighting a new city each month, and advice on grad school and marriage, and how to throw a killer party, and tech advice comparing the 3G iPhone with the 4G and 4GS.
So I guess the conclusion is: maybe I should start my own magazine. She loved the idea. She's already excited for it and wants to contribute an articles about traveling to Europe and girl secrets (like how no girl actually likes the on-top position but we do it to not appear lazy). I was stoked for her enthusiasm, and for the first time it made me believe that it could actually happen. My boyfriend has treated the idea very economically in how much time the project would take versus actual cost and rewards, and The Actress was very pragmatic about the idea and asked what I'd actually write about and who would read it. I guess this is another reason I miss my girls; I miss our wholehearted belief in each other, even if it's a fleeting plan or idea. We later shook hands that I'm Editor-in-Chief and CEO, and she's my COO.
We couldn't find any shirts we liked at the Bookstore though she bought a little gardening book as they're working on their garden these days in time for Spring. We walked back through campus lamenting on how we didn't fully utilize the university during our time there with the free programs and free rent and free access to events. She wishes she had participated in the clubs more and had student council when she arrived. I wish I had used the library more and had joined a sorority my first year (to which she balked, haha).
We ended up at Here On The Corner, a small boutique which has saved my ass so many times in buying last-minute wedding gear like clothes and jewelry. It also has a healthy variety of hippy bracelets and necklaces. She meandering through the store, finding the perfect cute purple shirt for the night as I debated getting Scrabble letter jewelry and a pair of Toms. I realized then how often I've shopped by myself these days, aside from the farmer's markets with my boyfriend's roommates and she too remarked that she hadn't done this in a long time either. Maybe that make more friends resolution needs to kick in a lil sooner.
Off to Mill Ave and a venti iced nonfat chai for her, and a tall iced extra caramel caramel macchiato for me. We talked about work and how she's basically in the PR tech business of promoting car dealerships on Twitter an other social media sites while also scouting for bad reviews of her car dealerships and writing apologizes for them. At $17 an hour she's doing pretty darn well (I make $10 an hour). I asked her how she's doing in Arizona. For as long as I've known she she's been wanting to leave the state but there is a new calm about her which wasn't there last time. "I think I resigned myself by living here, and that attitude change really helped. If an opportunity came up to leave and I would leave in a minute, but for now I'm happy here." With a solid job, a cute little house, a recent trip to Europe, and healthy happy relationship, she does look happy here. I really mean that.
I talked to her about my plans of Portland, Oregon and how I'm simply not ready to move but how I want to be. Maybe I'm delusional but I have a good feeling about the place and I think it's what I need for a moment in my life. And the boyfriend who's stubborn to stay in San Diego? Well, I don't know, I told her. I honestly don't know what to do about it. He makes me happy, and makes me laugh, an this is the first time we've really dated in the same city since 4 years ago as in, 'who's turn is it to get the milk?' and the day-to-day of 'how was work?'. I'm enjoying it for now but I still want to move out of the state, and she suggested I pretend that I'm staying in Cali even if I'm not just to help me find better work and be more content in the meantime. I'm taking her advice.
And then the topic of my bf's career. While on a very objective basis I'm proud of him working in the marijuana industry because it will be legalized and it should be, but that doesn't mean I want my kids to have a father in a drug industry. The same would be true for the alcohol industry, coffee industry, and tobacco industry. My lease it up July 25th and I suppose I'll be making my decision then. It all goes back to the original point of how being 23 is such a war between being young and being a future grown-up. Between getting the Arizona State University glass sticker with Sparky the Sun Devil mascot next to the words or emblem of AS next to the words (I chose the mascot). "I'm 23 and what does that mean?" I asked. "That should be an article for our magazine," she said.
We lingered with our drinks long after the ice melted and walked down to our favorite spot, Urban Oufitters, aka Urban, aka The U.O. as my boyfriend says just to annoy me (she laughed). Of course we spent like 10 minutes in the candle section she tried to convince me to buy the Bergamot Tobacco candle so I could burn it while working on the magazine but at $16 I wasn't so sure. I do love Urban though. The home decor, the books, the rugs, the dishes, the knicknaks, the lifestyle of Urban and how it wold be perfect to live in such a space in a city such as Portland. She bought some new t-shirts and off we were again to my hotel and plans to meet up for dinner.
Something I forgot how in Arizona everything is brand new. New paint, new furniture, new buildings, new roads, new white lined linens against rich red wallpaper of the hotel and a very warm and loving boyfriend when I walked through the hotel.
"How was the U.O?" he said, which cracked me up. I excitedly told him about my day and he smiled at and commented in how happy I was to be there. Yes. Yes I felt like myself again. The two of us did a blitz of inviting people out for dinner and made love in the lovely warm humid room, ignoring phone calls.
Soon it was 6:30 and we drove to my friend's house to pick them up at their rented house. It's perfect. It's a mix of World Market, Urban Outfitters, and a European flea market. Cozy. I couldn't stop admiring the life they've built together and told them so. We sat down and she chastised me that she knew I didn't answer the phone because we were busy having sex and we laughed in how well the girl knows me.
And after we parked and began to walk to Mill I was talking to her boyfriend, who's become a friend of mine through the years and whom I'll call The Web Designer since he's a web designer, a photographer, and does freelancing on the side. I told him that I finally understand what he was trying to warn us about in the post-college world in how hard it is and how freelancing and creating or own portfolios are are key to move ahead. He laughed in how you really can't explain it to a person until they're out of college themselves, and we got into a conversation about how college isn't worth the money nor time for majors that can be self taught, like English or Web Design.
I got such a shock when we arrived at La Bocca. I had no idea who was going to show up and there was The Redhead, The Girl in the Purple Dress, and The Film Production Friend all waiting for us, for me :). As I had hunched and later confirmed they've all drifted from each other through the weeks and months and this was the first reunion for them too in a long time. It was so easy to fall back to who we were, the laughs, and the teasing, and the catch-up. La Bocca was going to take an hour so they took my phone number and we went to get drinks at Canteen.
It was the perfect night there; not to busy but still vivacious and we all had seats at the bar. The Girl in the Purple Dress ordered a white Russian, and The Film Production Friend ordered a beer, I ordered an extra sweet cosmopolitan, The Redhead isn't drinking, The Web Designer and my boyfriend got beers, and S---- ordered a margarita. What I liked about the evening is that everyone made individual conversation time for each other in catching up and making new plans for the future.
I got to hear about The Girl in the Purple Dress applying for grad school for bioethics on her way to medical school and how she just came from a recital in relation to her music therapy interests. She's stressed as hell, which is part of her personality, and part the absence of us around to balance her out. The Film Production Friend is such a humble dude but truly out there living the dream. He just came back from interning at Sundance, and he's moving to New York after graduation. With a resume of interning for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and other such production jobs I wish the absolute best for him. The Redhead is a bit lost right now and is clearly going through the Blue Stage no one warns you about a few weeks after graduation when the high wears off and the jobs you want aren't there or easy to get and' what next'? We got into a conversation about "home" and where she might try to find it.
And I talked to them about Portland, about my online magazine idea, about my freelancing plans, about my crappy job, about learning how to cook and becoming a fledgling foodie, and I realized then that maybe I'm not as lost as I think I am. Maybe I'm leaving The Blue Stage to a better place.
Suddenly The Redhand slammed her hands don and looked at me, "Wait, are you drinking?" she asked me incredulously. "Yeah, I drink a little now. Maybe a drink once a month or every other month." "I remember when we had to spoon-feed you alcohol," she said and I laughed. Yes, I guess maybe I'm a little different now.
La Bocca called and off we went. The boyfriend had disappeared to hang out with The Redhead's ex to avoid the drama of him showing up. It was a tossup of either of them coming so this was his plan in case of trouble.
Food was ordered and The Girl in the Purple Dress had to leave to study for a test the next day. Soon an old friend in the film program showed up and took her empty seat, mixing it up once again of friends coming and going. At various times and with various people at the table we talked for hours about travel plans, the shitty economy, relationships, favorite food spots in town, ingenuity of creating our own businesses, and such and such, and we were still at the restaurant past 11 when my boyfriend showed up to hang out too.
As post-college peeps don't bar hop very much anymore an prefer to pick a spot we like and to linger. That spot was Rula Bula, an Irish pub scene where we an into several old friends an coworkers from yesteryear. A few pints, a little dancing, many pictures taken by me, and it seemed like we all sort of needed this night in different ways--a reunion for some, a kick in the butt to stop being antisocial for others, a good Saturday night for a few, and a memory night for all of us.
We left around 1:30 and I couldn't help but wonder when I'd be back again in Tempe if at all and who would be here next time if at all.
I have forgot about how much I like a college town. I miss the noise, I miss the crowds on the streets, I miss the street musicians battling each other for attention, I miss the drunk girl saying again and again, "I never get drunk. I never get drunk" as she stumbles down the sidewalk, I miss the smell of warm desert dirt, I miss the sophomores waiting outside the liquor store waiting for someone to help them, I miss the guys hollowing out of car windows "Yeaaaaaaah!" for no reason and us yelling back, I miss feeling safe and important, and while I know that I don't belong here anymore and I knew I would miss it even when I was in it, it felt nice to hold my boyfriend's hand an be here for a night.
And let me tell you, this morning was a bit of struggle to wake up before 11. S---, my now COO, send me tons of links of online magazine, which I starting studying in relish. We met up with her (The Web Designer was sick with a nasty hang over) at Chompies. I was proud of her for showing up solo and the three of us talked about trips we'd like to take and how our families are about our relationships these days and the things to come.
I hugged her three times goodbye as we parted and we made plans for meeting again in San Diego before the end of summer.
I needed to hike up "A" Mountain before leaving town as it's been a tradition between my boyfriend and I since my first year at ASU. On that note, I'm glad he came with me this trip and only wish we had a little more time to be a couple amongst friends. Oh, and the view at the top was beautiful as always in seeing all Tempe, the lake, the airport, the tall building of Phoenix; this strange world of desert.
We walked down Mill one last time and what the hell, I bought the Bergamot Tobacco candle. During dinner at La Bocca S--- and The Web Designer talked about our weakness in getting success. Procrastination, multitasking, and a word for fortitude (everything has always come easy for her so she doesn't know how to work super hard ) are her weaknesses, courage and being indentured and chained to loans are his, and laziness, fortitude, and courage are mine. Maybe a candle won't give me courage. But maybe it will. Maybe I need to get a new comforter set, and actually buy a decent lamp for my room, and pretend that I'm going to live in San Diego for awhile to allow myself some happiness, and look for a job at a start-up communications place like she did while working on my magazine and book that's been on the backburner.
I remembered who I am this trip. I'm little feisty. I'm a dreamer. I'm a good friend. I'm lost but I've got a plan. Yes, it will be ok. Yes it will be a fabulous life.
As we left the desert "California Gurls" by Katy Perry came on. And so it is, an ASU girl living by the beach in San Diego trying to become a giant, trying to get tan, trying to change the world in just a little way while drinking a cosmo and remembering my friends.
So much to do! I'm going to Tempe, AZ tonight. I admit that I've been rather hesitant in returning to Arizona since I graduated in May, and my disastrous 18 hour visit to my mom in the Phoenix area for Christmas further drove my resolution not to return to Arizona for awhile.
But I have been blue. And I have been doubtful. And I need a spark and a kick in the ass. I know that I might been hoping for too much but I feel excited. Like really excited, and truthfully I haven't felt this way about anything in weeks.
The plan for now is to drive in very late tonight, Saturday morning some girl time with my best friend in college probably getting breakfast at iHop where we would always go around 2am when everyone was drunk and discussing boy problems or general fabulousness. Maybe walk to campus or Mill after that and maybe meet up with some of my girl friends. Then dinner at my FAVORITE RESTAURANT La Bocca, and maybe some clubbing on the strip or in Scottsdale. Sunday is open for now but I would like to walk up "A" Mountain with my boyfriend like we used to. And maybe see anyone else during the day.
And maybe I'll be disappointed and my friends and I won't be the same, and maybe I won't be inspired by being on my old campus, and maybe it's just be like any other trip. But I hope not.
And I'm doing my old pre-visit rituals before I'd commute to San Diego from Phoenix, like packing, cleaning my room, clipping my nails, sharpening the eye brows, getting my car washed, doing dishes, going on a crash diet, and not feeling ready at all. Hell, I actually feel like decorating my room for the first time since I moved here in November.
[the sound of typing and intermittent laughter and whimpers]
Oh my gosh; looking for a new job; and that moment when you laugh hysterically that Assistant Manager of The Dollar Tree turns up in your search but then realize with slight horror that you're probably not qualified (I'm not bilingual nor have management experience).
I can't help but wonder how useful it would have been to have a professor give us an assignment of looking at job sites for our major as a preview of real life. Maybe we, i.e. I, would have taken different internships or classes to build up that resume. From what I can see available for English majors interested in Communications/Publishing it looks like backgrounds in web design, html, bilingualism, medicine (tons of openings for scientific writers), grant work, and technology are all a huge plus, if not the underlining reason why you get hired.
For now I'm looking at jobs as a staff person at a university because (1) I'm qualified for secretary work (kind of) by working at a hotel, (2) universities inspire me and I think the environment would be motivating for me, (3) better hours, and (4) I could work with people my own age and maybe make friends.
Wish me luck. And hopefully you won't see me managing your local Dollar Tree.
Sometimes I wonder if couples begin to have their own language, for I know we sure do. And while I doubt any readers would understand the humor, as this is my blog of personal record of my first year post-college, I'd like to remember this particular night of funny language tangles between us.
Tonight we went out on an Outback Steakhouse date (thanks for the X-mas gift, M--!).
[In the car ride]
Me: Guess what I saw today?
Boyfriend: Sawl [he says "saw" as "sawl" and "both" as "bolth" for some reason]
Me: I saw
Boyfriend: I sawl
Me: I saw
Boyfriend: I sawl
Me: I saw a dalmatian
Boyfriend: Did it have a fire truck?
Me: No
Boyfriend: That's racist
Me: [laughs]
[After we parkthe car]
Me: [looking into a suv's trunk] Look at that weird contraption in the back of this car. It looks like a cotton candy machine.
Boyfriend: It's a recessive light. Like the ones you would see in Target.
Me: Mm. No, I'm pretty sure it's a cotton candy machine.
Boyfriend: [laughs] ok.
Me: I feel like I would be right on this one.
[Walking to Outback next to Target]
Boyfriend: I have something profound to tell you.
Me: [quirked brow]
Boyfriend: [very seriously leaning into me] I love you. And I don't need anal sex.
Me: [laughs hysterically] Are you serious? You're going to tell me that in front of a Target? [laughs]
Boyfriend: [laughs too] I mean it, baby [kneels on one knee]
Me: Are you trying to do reverse psychology on me? Because it's not working. And you suck at profound moments. You gave me my first kiss in front of a burger shop and now this in front of Target. Jesus fuck. Maybe if we were in front of a Tiffany's.
Boyfriend: [laughs] You'd want me to tell you that in front of Tiffany's?
Me: The best moment of my life...[laughs].
Boyfriend: You'll always remember it...
[Asking him to do Shazam to know what the cheesy song was]
Boyfriend: I'm not downloading this one for you.
Me: Don't be so cyncial
Boyfriend: [starts mock dancing to it]
Me: [laughs]
[I try to play tic-tat-toe with the coasters but we only have 9. So he teaches me how to play football with the coaster and how a touchdown is getting it to poke right outside the edge of the table. I score my first try. I don't score ever again.]
[During dinner and talking about language]
Boyfriend: Are you attracted to me in part because of how I use language?
Me: Yes, you actually know how to use a comma. I wouldn't fuck a guy who doesn't know how to use a comma correctly.
Boyfriend: Who doesn't know how to use a comma?
Me: EVERYBODY. It drives me nuts. It's really not that hard. I love commas. And semi-colons.
Boyfriend: Semi-colons are pretentious and sneaky.
Me: I'm sorry, did you just call semi-colons sneaky?
Boyfriend: Yes. Here look at me I have two sentences to say but I'm only going to use one sentence! And look, no "and". Two thoughts but only one period! Sneaky. And they're pretentious.
Me: I like semi-colons.
Boyfriend: You're pretentious.
Me: Good. [laughs]
Boyfriend: [laughs]
[Hanging out in Target looking at stuff and not buying stuff, like seeds for our upcoming garden, and cool chairs, and books, and clothes. We discuss how us being as slim and short means that we can sometimes fit into large kid's clothes.]
Me: But the problem is the style. It's all Hannah Montana and glitter.
Boyfriend: Isn't Hannah Montana raunchy these days?
Me: [thinking about it]. Yeah, I guess you're right.
[Waiting for our small Starbucks mocha frappichino]
Me: [talking in great lengths about the roasting process of coffee beans and how the caffeine content decreases with the longer roast, and about to start talking about the various differences between Blonde roast, Medium Roast, and Italian Roast]
Boyfriend: [looking confused]
[Later that night]
Boyfriend: [kissing me again] Do I kiss you too much?
