Day 251-- Cosmos, magazines, and visting Tempe with my bestfriends

"Another day/just believe/another day/just breathe" ~Telepopmusik

Back to Tempe and my college town.  Running on little sleep from driving in around 3:30am and the bubbling excitement to see my friends for the first time since graduation 8 months ago.

10:45am and changing into a cheery orange and white striped tank tops with designer jeans with Ugg boots.   S---- aka my favorite roommate in college aka probably my best friend in college picked me up at the hotel and I nearly ran to hug her.  She apologized for her messy car, which made me laugh because in the entire 4 years I've known the girl her car has ALWAYS been messy.  Thankfully, some things never change. 

Back to the scene of the crime at iHop where we've spent far too many nights discussing boys, roommates, and life as a girl in today's world.  Judging by how she was playing with her hands I knew she was a little nervous to see me and I realized I was too.  Would things be the same?  Has too much times passed?  Nope, things are just fine!

Soon we were laughing about old friends and frat parties we went to many years ago, including that one Halloween and a suspicious trade of making out for cigarettes.  "That's the trouble with having a sober friend--I remember everything," I laughed.  As we chatted she told me that she's getting married to her boyfriend in the next few years, which was a semi-surprise to hear.  Not that it was wasn't obvious that she's really happy and they're doing well by living together and are making decent money right now and have been together for 3 years, but it was a surprise at how seamless the decision of future rings and wedding seemed to come to her.  And I'm happy for her.  Truly truly.

We lingered at the table for a long time after the check came, enjoying girl time we both haven't had in a while, and I realized then how much I've missed her and how much I've missed simply hanging out.  She paid for my breakfast, which was a real nice treat and I promised I'd pay for our inevitable Starbucks run that always happens when we're together.  But first the MU (the Memorial Union) to try and pick up my W2 since they don't answer their phones.  No luck.  And I didn't  recognize anyone working at Starbucks on campus to say hello.

Off to the ASU Bookstore where we looked for alumni shirts and a new back window sticker for me.  It was strange walking through campus in that it was not strange walking through campus.  "I feel like I've never left," she said plainly and slightly confused and I agreed completely.  

Along the walk I talked to her about my online magazine idea.  I've come to find two things in recent months: (1) I can't get communications jobs without experience and no one will hire me without experience so maybe I need to create my own projects, and (2) my kind of magazine doesn't exist on newsstands.  Have you noticed that women's magazines are usually one topic, whether it's Sex, or Fashion, or Politics, or Food, or Home, ect?  I want a magazine geared for the twentysomething life of What to Wear to a Job Interview, and sex tips, and recipes, and a travel section spotlighting a new city each month, and advice on grad school and marriage, and how to throw a killer party, and tech advice comparing the 3G iPhone with the 4G and 4GS.  

So I guess the conclusion is: maybe I should start my own magazine.  She loved the idea.  She's already excited for it and wants to contribute an articles about traveling to Europe and girl secrets (like how no girl actually likes the on-top position but we do it to not appear lazy).  I was stoked for her enthusiasm, and for the first time it made me believe that it could actually happen.  My boyfriend has treated the idea very economically in how much time the project would take versus actual cost and rewards, and The Actress was very pragmatic about the idea and asked what I'd actually write about and who would read it.  I guess this is  another reason I miss my girls; I miss our wholehearted belief in each other, even if it's a fleeting plan or idea.  We later shook hands that I'm Editor-in-Chief and CEO, and she's my COO.

We couldn't find any shirts we liked at the Bookstore though she bought a little gardening book as they're working on their garden these days in time for Spring.  We walked back through campus lamenting on how we didn't fully utilize the university during our time there with the free programs and free rent and free access to events.  She wishes she had participated in the clubs more and had student council when she arrived.  I wish I had used the library more and had joined a sorority my first year (to which she balked, haha).  

We ended up at Here On The Corner, a small boutique which has saved my ass so many times in buying last-minute wedding gear like clothes and jewelry.  It also has a healthy variety of hippy bracelets and necklaces.  She meandering through the store, finding the perfect cute purple shirt for the night as I debated getting Scrabble letter jewelry and a pair of Toms.  I realized then how often I've shopped by myself these days, aside from the farmer's markets with my boyfriend's roommates and she too remarked that she hadn't done this in a long time either.  Maybe that make more friends resolution needs to kick in a lil sooner.

Off to Mill Ave and a venti iced nonfat chai for her, and a tall iced extra caramel caramel macchiato for me. We talked about work and how she's basically in the PR tech business of promoting car dealerships on Twitter an other social media sites while also scouting for bad reviews of her car dealerships and writing apologizes for them.   At $17 an hour she's doing pretty darn well (I make $10 an hour).  I asked her how she's doing in Arizona.  For as long as I've known she she's been wanting to leave the state but there is a new calm about her which wasn't there last time.  "I think I resigned myself by living here, and that attitude change really helped.  If an opportunity came up to leave and I would leave in a minute, but for now I'm happy here."  With a solid job, a cute little house, a recent trip to Europe, and healthy happy relationship, she does look happy here.  I really mean that.  

I talked to her about my plans of Portland, Oregon and how I'm simply not ready to move but how I want to be.  Maybe I'm delusional but I have a good feeling about the place and I think it's what I need for a moment in my life.  And the boyfriend who's stubborn to stay in San Diego?  Well, I don't know, I told her.  I honestly don't know what to do about it.  He makes me happy, and makes me laugh, an this is the first time we've really dated in the same city since 4 years ago as in, 'who's turn is it to get the milk?' and the day-to-day of 'how was work?'.  I'm enjoying it for now but I still want to move out of the state, and she suggested I pretend that I'm staying in Cali even if I'm not just to help me find better work and be more content in the meantime.  I'm taking her advice.

And then the topic of my bf's career.  While on a very objective basis I'm proud of him working in the marijuana industry because it will be legalized and it should be, but that doesn't mean I want my kids to have a father in a drug industry.  The same would be true for the alcohol industry, coffee industry, and tobacco industry.  My lease it up July 25th and I suppose I'll be making my decision then.  It all goes back to the original point of how being 23 is such a war between being young and being a future grown-up. Between getting the Arizona State University glass sticker with Sparky the Sun Devil mascot next to the words or emblem of AS next to the words (I chose the mascot).  "I'm 23 and what does that mean?" I asked. "That should be an article for our magazine," she said. 

We lingered with our drinks long after the ice melted and walked down to our favorite spot, Urban Oufitters, aka Urban, aka The U.O. as my boyfriend says just to annoy me (she laughed).  Of course we spent like 10 minutes in the candle section she tried to convince me to buy the Bergamot Tobacco candle so I could burn it while working on the magazine but at $16 I wasn't so sure.  I do love Urban though.  The home decor, the books, the rugs, the dishes, the knicknaks, the lifestyle of Urban and how it wold be perfect to live in such a space in a city such as Portland.  She bought some new t-shirts and off we were again to my hotel and plans to meet up for dinner. 

Something I forgot how in Arizona everything is brand new.  New paint, new furniture, new buildings, new roads, new white lined linens against rich red wallpaper of the hotel and a very warm and loving boyfriend when I walked through the hotel.

"How was the U.O?" he said, which cracked me up.  I excitedly told him about my day and he smiled at and commented in how happy I was to be there.  Yes.  Yes I felt like myself again.  The two of us did a blitz of inviting people out for dinner and made love in the lovely warm humid room, ignoring phone calls.

Soon it was 6:30 and we drove to my friend's house to pick them up at their rented house.  It's perfect.  It's a mix of World Market, Urban Outfitters, and a European flea market.  Cozy.  I couldn't stop admiring the life they've built together and told them so.  We sat down and she chastised me that she knew I didn't answer the phone because we were busy having sex and we laughed in how well the girl knows me.  

And after we parked and began to walk to Mill I was talking to her boyfriend, who's become a friend of mine through the years and whom I'll call The Web Designer since he's a web designer, a photographer, and does freelancing on the side.  I told him that I finally understand what he was trying to warn us about in the post-college world in how hard it is and how freelancing and creating or own portfolios are are key to move ahead.  He laughed in how you really can't explain it to a person until they're out of college themselves, and we got into a conversation about how college isn't worth the money nor time for majors that can be self taught, like English or Web Design.  

I got such a shock when we arrived at La Bocca.  I had no idea who was going to show up and there was The Redhead, The Girl in the Purple Dress, and The Film Production Friend all waiting for us, for me :).  As I had hunched and later confirmed they've all drifted from each other through the weeks and months and this was the first reunion for them too in a long time.   It was so easy to fall back to who we were, the laughs, and the teasing, and the catch-up.  La Bocca was going to take an hour so they took my phone number and we went to get drinks at Canteen.

 

It was the perfect night there; not to busy but still vivacious and we all had seats at the bar.  The Girl in the Purple Dress ordered a white Russian, and The Film Production Friend ordered a beer, I ordered an extra sweet cosmopolitan, The Redhead isn't drinking, The Web Designer and my boyfriend got beers, and S---- ordered a margarita.  What I liked about the evening is that everyone made individual conversation time for each other in catching up and making new plans for the future. 

I got to hear about The Girl in the Purple Dress applying for grad school for bioethics on her way to medical school and how she just came from a recital in relation to her music therapy interests.  She's stressed as hell, which is part of her personality, and part the absence of us around to balance her out.  The Film Production Friend is such a humble dude but truly out there living the dream.  He just came back from interning at Sundance, and he's moving to New York after graduation.  With a resume of interning for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and other such production jobs I wish the absolute best for him.  The Redhead is a bit lost right now and is clearly going through the Blue Stage no one warns you about a few weeks after graduation when the high wears off and the jobs you want aren't there or easy to get and' what next'?  We got into a conversation about "home" and where she might try to find it.

And I talked to them about Portland, about my online magazine idea, about my freelancing plans, about my crappy job, about learning how to cook and becoming a fledgling foodie, and I realized then that maybe I'm not as lost as I think I am.  Maybe I'm leaving The Blue Stage to a better place.

Suddenly The Redhand slammed her hands don and looked at me, "Wait, are you drinking?" she asked me incredulously. "Yeah, I drink a little now.  Maybe a drink once a month or every other month."  "I remember when we had to spoon-feed you alcohol," she said and I laughed.  Yes, I guess maybe I'm a little different now. 

La Bocca called and off we went.  The boyfriend had disappeared to hang out with The Redhead's ex to avoid the drama of him showing up.  It was a tossup of either of them coming so this was his plan in case of trouble.

Food was ordered and The Girl in the Purple Dress had to leave to study for a test the next day.  Soon an old friend in the film program showed up and took her empty seat, mixing it up once again of friends coming and going.  At various times and with various people at the table we talked for hours about travel plans, the shitty economy, relationships, favorite food spots in town, ingenuity of creating our own businesses, and such and such, and we were still at the restaurant past 11 when my boyfriend showed up to hang out too.  

As post-college peeps don't bar hop very much anymore an prefer to pick a spot we like and to linger.  That spot was Rula Bula, an Irish pub scene where we an into several old friends an coworkers from yesteryear.  A few pints, a little dancing, many pictures taken by me, and it seemed like we all sort of needed this night in different ways--a reunion for some, a kick in the butt to stop being antisocial for others, a good Saturday night for a few, and a memory night for all of us.

We left around 1:30 and I couldn't help but wonder when I'd be back again in Tempe if at all and who would be here next time if at all.

I have forgot about how much I like a college town.  I miss the noise, I miss the crowds on the streets, I miss the street musicians battling each other for attention, I miss the drunk girl saying again and again, "I never get drunk.  I never get drunk" as she stumbles down the sidewalk, I miss the smell of warm desert dirt, I miss the sophomores waiting outside the liquor store waiting for someone to help them, I miss the guys hollowing out of car windows "Yeaaaaaaah!" for no reason and us yelling back, I miss feeling safe and important, and while I know that I don't belong here anymore and I knew I would miss it even when I was in it, it felt nice to hold my boyfriend's hand an be here for a night.

And let me tell you, this morning was a bit of struggle to wake up before 11.  S---, my now COO, send me tons of links of online magazine, which I starting studying in relish.  We met up with her (The Web Designer was sick with a nasty hang over) at Chompies.  I was proud of her for showing up solo and the three of us talked about trips we'd like to take and how our families are about our relationships these days and the things to come. 

I hugged her three times goodbye as we parted and we made plans for meeting again in San Diego before the end of summer.

I needed to hike up "A"  Mountain before leaving town as it's been a tradition between my boyfriend and I since my first year at ASU.  On that note, I'm glad he came with me this trip and only wish we had a little more time to be a couple amongst friends.  Oh, and the view at the top was beautiful as always in seeing all Tempe, the lake, the airport, the tall building of Phoenix; this strange world of desert.

We walked down Mill one last time and what the hell, I bought the Bergamot Tobacco candle.  During dinner at La Bocca S--- and The Web Designer talked about our weakness in getting success.  Procrastination, multitasking, and a word for fortitude (everything has always come easy for her so she doesn't know how to work super hard ) are her weaknesses, courage and being indentured and chained to loans are his, and laziness, fortitude, and courage are mine.  Maybe a candle won't give me courage.  But maybe it will.  Maybe I need to get a new comforter set, and actually buy a  decent lamp for my room, and pretend that I'm going to live in San Diego for awhile to allow myself some happiness, and look for a job at a start-up communications place like she did while working on my magazine and book that's been on the backburner.

I remembered who I am this trip.  I'm little feisty.  I'm a dreamer.  I'm a good friend.  I'm lost but I've got a plan.  Yes, it will be ok.  Yes it will be a fabulous life.

As we left the desert "California Gurls" by Katy Perry came on.  And so it is, an ASU girl living by the beach in San Diego trying to become a giant, trying to get tan, trying to change the world in just a little way while drinking a cosmo and remembering my friends.

Until next time.