Day 246-- Making me laugh

Not us

Sometimes I wonder if couples begin to have their own language, for I know we sure do.  And while I doubt any readers would understand the humor, as this is my blog of personal record of my first year post-college, I'd like to remember this particular night of funny language tangles between us.

Tonight we went out on an Outback Steakhouse date (thanks for the X-mas gift, M--!).

[In the car ride]

Me: Guess what I saw today?

Boyfriend: Sawl   [he says "saw" as "sawl" and "both" as "bolth" for some reason]

Me: I saw

Boyfriend: I sawl

Me: I saw

Boyfriend: I sawl

Me: I saw a dalmatian

Boyfriend: Did it have a fire truck?

Me: No

Boyfriend: That's racist

Me: [laughs]

[After we park the car]

Me:  [looking into a suv's trunk] Look at that weird contraption in the back of this car.  It looks like a cotton candy machine.

Boyfriend:  It's a recessive light.  Like the ones you would see in Target.

Me:  Mm. No, I'm pretty sure it's a cotton candy machine.

Boyfriend: [laughs] ok.

Me:  I feel like I would be right on this one.

[Walking to Outback next to Target]

Boyfriend:  I have something profound to tell you.

Me:  [quirked brow]

Boyfriend:  [very seriously leaning into me] I love you.  And I don't need anal sex.

Me:  [laughs hysterically] Are you serious?  You're going to tell me that in front of a Target? [laughs]

Boyfriend:  [laughs too] I mean it, baby [kneels on one knee]

Me:  Are you trying to do reverse psychology on me?  Because it's not working.  And you suck at profound moments.  You gave me my first kiss in front of a burger shop and now this in front of Target.  Jesus fuck.  Maybe if we were in front of a Tiffany's.

Boyfriend: [laughs] You'd want me to tell you that in front of Tiffany's?

Me: The best moment of my life...[laughs].

Boyfriend: You'll always remember it...

[Asking him to do Shazam to know what the cheesy song was]

Boyfriend:  I'm not downloading this one for you.

Me:  Don't be so cyncial

Boyfriend:  [starts mock dancing to it]

Me:  [laughs]

[I try to play tic-tat-toe with the coasters but we only have 9.  So he teaches me how to play football with the coaster and how a touchdown is getting it to poke right outside the edge of the table. I score my first try.  I don't score ever again.]

[During dinner and talking about language]

Boyfriend:  Are you attracted to me in part because of how I use language?

Me: Yes, you actually know how to use a comma.  I wouldn't fuck a guy who doesn't know how to use a comma correctly.

Boyfriend: Who doesn't know how to use a comma?

Me:  EVERYBODY.  It drives me nuts.  It's really not that hard.  I love commas.  And semi-colons.

Boyfriend:  Semi-colons are pretentious and sneaky.

Me:  I'm sorry, did you just call semi-colons sneaky?

Boyfriend:  Yes.  Here look at me I have two sentences to say but I'm only going to use one sentence! And look, no "and".  Two thoughts but only one period!  Sneaky.  And they're pretentious.

Me: I like semi-colons.

Boyfriend: You're pretentious.

Me: Good. [laughs]

Boyfriend: [laughs]

[Hanging out in Target looking at stuff and not buying stuff, like seeds for our upcoming garden, and cool chairs, and books, and clothes.  We discuss how us being as slim and short means that we can sometimes fit into large kid's clothes.]

Me:  But the problem is the style.  It's all Hannah Montana and glitter.

Boyfriend: Isn't Hannah Montana raunchy these days?

Me: [thinking about it]. Yeah, I guess you're right.  

[Waiting for our small Starbucks mocha frappichino] 

Me:  [talking in great lengths about the roasting process of coffee beans and how the caffeine content decreases with the longer roast, and about to start talking about the various differences between Blonde roast, Medium Roast, and Italian Roast]

Boyfriend: [looking confused]

[Later that night]

Boyfriend: [kissing me again] Do I kiss you too much?

Me: Never [kissing him again].