Day 293 (b) -- Conspiracy theorists and cello-playing linguists

I realize that I haven't talked about my roommates ever, and that's because I rarely talk to them.  But I figure it's as good as any to introduce us weird band of conspiracy theorists and cello-playing linguists. 

1.) The deadlocked 'I'm Not a Racist, I'm Not a Conspiracy Theorist' racist conspiracy theorist:  

This girl and I have had about 4 conversations in the entire 5 months I've lived here, and I haven't seen her since the end of January (today is March 17th).  The conversations I have had with her have included: (1) her telling me all about the shit-town she grew up in in New York, which had terrible weather all of the time and almost all of her ex-friends from high school are now meth-heads, (2) how she's not a racist, but after working at a homeless shelter she can't stand black people and thinks that they'll all opportunists [this doesn't include our black roommate, apparently], (3) we got to talking about our first memories and one of my mine was the TWA Flight 800 disaster.  She was at the beach when it happened and remembered the boom, and she's convinced that there is a hidden missile site near there and accidentally shot the plane down, and (4) her last roommate stole a fellow roommate's cat who was mistreating the animal, but once she noticed that her cat was stolen she called the police and it was an open case until they showed up to take the cat back.

Also, the last time I talked to The deadlocked 'I'm Not a Racist, I'm Not a Conspiracy Theorist' racist conspiracy theorist was when she got fired from her job (as a waitress at Dave and Busters) because they accused her of being drunk on the job, and she went to get a breathalyzer test to prove that she was not drinking.  She was just upset that a dear friend died at a young age of a heartache a few days early. Oh, and she also put a note near the sink that they found cholera in the water system of San Diego so boil all water.  No one did dishes for a week until a different roommate did them all and put up a note that said, 'We all need to pitch in with dishes!"

2.) Miss Priss: 

Now, I thought that I'd get along with Miss Priss when I first met her because she was interning at NBC and she bartended, and I was interning at a book publisher and bartended at work like once a week.  Well, she's one of those types who's aghast that I've never spent New Years in Tahoe because 'That's the place to be', plus she's one of those girls who wears tight white clothes most of the time with pricy boots, and uses the condescending word "hun" way too much.  The only people who should use the word 'hun' are either country folks, or people who work in breakfast diners--or does that make me prissy too?

3.) Lavender Brown: 

I call her Lavender Brown because she looks just like Lavender Brown from Harry Potter.  True story, aside from when I signed the lease papers I never saw her again until like 3 months later and I was literally confused over who the fuck was this girl in my kitchen.  Didn't recognize her at all.

She went to Northern Arizona University but dropped out, and now works at a music tutoring place.  She speaks in this tiny voice like she's always talking to a small child, and yet is the most popular in the house because she has friends in her room all the time.  A pink room with a daybed, by the way.  Those creep me out if you're over the age of 12.

4.) The Cellist/Linguist who doesn't have a clue:  

I first met the cellist when she interviewed for the newly opened room at my boyfriend's house.  We all thought she was too quiet and shy, and not the right fit for a social stoner house.  We were right.  She is quiet and to herself, and also a bit dim.  She was a cellist for awhile there but suddenly decided to change majors to linguists and become a translator and travel the world instead.  So she's currently learning Spanish in her junior year of college at the expensive UCSD.  She's such a complete idiot.  You don't have to waste money on college to become a translator and only people with years of experience will get hired.  All of her friends are Rosetta Stone people she talks to online, and will knock on my door to ask me to explain random words like 'bow-legged', and 'driver' (as in, the mechanical part).

5.) The Air Force Girl with the curly blonde hair: 

I talk to her the most, though she has a non-personality.  She's a smoker and I usually come home during her last drag of the night.  She was in the air force for a few years but has no opinion about it, and is now in community college for a major she has no opinion about besides vague interest (graphic design), and works as a receptionist which she kinda likes but isn't thoroughly excited about it either.  Most of conversations are one-sided as she doesn't talk much and stares a me blankly waiting for me to talk.  

But I do make her laugh.  I tell her stories about the hotel I work at, like bartending and this week getting told to move to Minnesota to do stand-up comedy and record my voice for NPR.  Really?  Really.  I also made her laugh about how I don't have a tv so when I see a commercial I'm extremely gullible.  Like when my boyfriend was on the phone for an hour so I was watching the Discovery Channel with commercials and now I suddenly want pancake mix, Clorex wipes, and a Dyson vacuum cleaner.  She joked back that Dyson are supposed to be pretty good at $500 a pop. I mocked the commercial by standing up and doing a fake presentation of new ball-pivot Dyson vacuum.  She was laughing and laughing, and since I was up I did my impression of when I went to the Mexican grocery store (it's cheaper) and how a little boy kept throwing a ball down the aisle and hitting my legs (intentionally?).  She and I are on the same page about the futility of college without experience and yet it's just in our conditioning to want to get more education.

So those are the girls I live with.  Oh craigslist.