Day 279-- Flying kites and the happiness of wet sand

New Years Resolution #19: Fly a kite.  Done. :)

Hello, Saturday and 75+ degrees outside at the beach for the kite festival.

We woke up around 9:30 at my place and started laughing about my boyfriend's drunk antics during the night.  He gets drunk maybe twice a year and last night was a real beauty when around 3am he got lost in my roommate's bathroom down the hall and almost locked himself inside by accident.  We were laughing so hard tears leaked out.

Finally around 11 we were ready to walk down to the kite festival.  I had purposefully requested today off work just so I could cross #19 off of my list of things to do, and what a perfect day for it.  It was definitely more kid-friendly with all of the games and puppets and mini rides, and I wasn't sure if I had the guts to make my own kite along with the kiddies.

But first breakfast and my absolute favorite hole-in-the-wall bakery in town which is simply called Donuts (which are only 70¢ by the way).  We got bagels with cream cheese and some milk, and sat at one of the few tables near the ice machine.  My boyfriend looked about ready to either fall asleep on the table or throw up on it so he politely decided it was best for him to go home for a nap and recovery.

So I finished my everything bagel and headed to Rite Aid to buy a kite.  I admit I felt a little silly in line as the clerk gave me an odd eye as if to say, 'Aren't you a little old for this?'.  Well, fuck her!  I bought my cheap owl kite and headed off to the beach.

Do you want to know what's funny?  When I got to the beach I was slightly confused on why it was so busy on "my" beach.  Duh, it's Spring Break.  Most people have to spend tons of money on gas to drive here or fly here and stay at hotels and stuff.  I live down the street from the ocean.  Pretty fucking cool!

And so I tried to fly my kite like the lady next to me.  We were both on top of the sand mountains the lifeguards create to cut down on the wind.  I would get air for about 30 seconds before the inevitable crash, though in all fairness, there was very little wind at the time and everyone was having trouble.

So I walked to my boyfriend's house for a few hours and made plans for an enchiladas dinner, plus groceries for the week.  I'm so tired of us being malnourished and only eating 1-2 meals a day, and with all of the bonuses I've won over the past week it was worthy of a food splurge.  

On my walk back home I decided to hit the sand mountains one last time, and was quickly disappointed that my kite would only fly for less than a minute.  Than stupidity finally hit me and I realized that my string should be tied to the flap on top of the kite instead of in the middle of the stick on the underbelly.  I made the fix and it soared.

I was so giddy I starting singing, "Let's Go Fly a Kite" from Mary Poppins--albeit, away from anyone who might have heard me.  Resolution done!  

My neighborhood

And in an ironic moment an old friend texted me about Portland and more good reviews on it.  When I wrote to her a month ago I was more gun-hoe about moving to Oregon for the trees and protest but since then things have...shifted.  I think it was when I visited Arizona and I realized that hey, I have a pretty good life in San Diego and while I'm still figuring out what exactly I want to do as a career and waiting for the job market to pick back up, it's pretty cool to be figuring it out while doing some once-in-a-lifetime beach living.  

And more than that, there isn't a deadline.  And that's a concept I've only now understood.  There is no deadline anymore, there is no graduation anymore.  There is only life.  And what kind of life do we want?

A week ago I was driving home when it hit me, "I live here.  I am a San Diegan."  Or maybe it was when I got my CA license a few weeks ago.  And I definitely know it was when I took my AZ friend's advice to live like I live in California and be open to the future, because living in a suitcase was making me miserable.

I realize that this change may seem sudden, or a surrender, or a 'choosing a guy over me'.  But really, I'm happy.  It's 46 degrees in Portland today.  And here I was on a Saturday afternoon, a simple walk to the beautiful Pacific ocean with the hippies and the dreadlocks, and preparing to make some yummy enchiladas after a wonderful round of sex, and flying a kite for the hell of it, and you just can't beat California.  You can't.  You can't beat the happiness of this relaxed lifestyle the first year post-college.  And look, it's not forever.  I'm not buying a house here or getting married or making roots.  I'm just living.  And after being blue and stressed and severely disappointed with myself these past few months it's really nice to be happy.

My part of town

After waking up alone 97% of the time in college due to my relationship being long-distance, it makes me happy to wake up to his handsome face and sandy blond hair as he makes fun of me for being a bed hog.  After getting anxiety attacks for being in the vast empty dead desert it makes me happy to walk outside and see the ocean.  After 16 years of tests, and essays, it makes me happy to have absolute free time.  And sex.  I will be writing an entry all about female sexuality this week, but for now let me say the gist: people have sex.  

Woman have sex.  But because it isn't talked about, it's become taboo and viciously attacked socially and politically.  We need to make information on sex less invisible to ensure our rights to chose sex and information to have good sex.  Pleasure is important.  Pleasure is a part of our reality, and it's certainly a part of mine in this post-college life, along with chocolate chip scones and wet sand on bare feet.

Speaking of which, I got my boyfriend to come join me in flying my kite.  Funny how a guy seems to know all about aerodynamics as the kite is flying...until it crashes [laughs].  We had a really good time out there watching the little plastic owl fly and trying not to crash on any people when the winds changed.


I'll talk more about enchiladas in my next entry, but let me say, Food 4 Less is my new favorite store.  I got a sack of potatoes for less than $2.  And I bought a watermelon for about $2.50.  Plus some spices for $0.89, and grapes for about $4.  More happiness!  

And what a perfect time to talk to S----.  We've been playing phone tag for weeks and in one of the last time we spoke she was having some drama with people and fighting the cold of the East Coast, and I was at my lowest low in being unhappy about work and my boyfriend being shady about his near-unemployement with the market being shut down and I truly wanted to leave California.  In this conversation she sounded great.  There's a love interest peeking on the horizon and she's actually really happy living in her town for now.  I told her about how the bf has been much more open with me about his work declining and the side jobs he's been taking to make ends meat, and being more open in general about our mutual poorness.  Plus work's been better and I look for new work every week. And as cheesy as it sounds, maybe what I want to do just isn't around yet.  Maybe that writing/social activist/feminist/creative/publishing/communications thing isn't quite there yet, or maybe I'm just not there yet.  But for now, it's ok.  

We talked about how we're out of the "blue stage", that cliff right after college when your life is shit because you realize you're not as important or talented as you think.  But then you accept what you are.  And you make plans to grow.  And you become happy and open for the things to come.

And so I'm happy.  It's not perfection, and I do wish that my career was in a better state. But you know what, I flew a muthafuckin kite on a beautiful day in a gorgeous city I live in, with someone who loves me and I love back, and well, I could end this entry by telling you that as I was driving at sunset with the palm trees in the window Coldplay's "Paradise" came on.  But I don't think you'd quite believe me. :)