[note: this entry kinda a rant against my mom and step-dad. Well, at least it's honest]
Yikes I'm getting a headache and I haven't even written this yet.
I remember the first time I went to my mom and step-dad's newly bought house in Arizona. It was Christmas of 2006, four weeks after my dad had passed away, two weeks before I started dating my boyfriend, a few days after being forced to quit my job at Borders Books, eight months before I started college at ASU, and Coldplay's "Talk" was playing nonstop in my iPod.
The plan was to go to orientation that Christmas and to move to Arizona June 1st with them until term started.
I hated the house. I mean, it's a gorgeous house. I just hated how clean and hot and decisively non-me, non-my mom it was. If I remember right, L--- further proved himself to be my mother's husband, not my step-father when he gave me a bunch of his Hurricane Katrina-ruined coins to count so we could take them to the bank (and he would give me the money). The amount was something like $200-300 in nickles and dimes and it took me a few hours to count. Well, we get to the bank and my counting was off by like $60-80. I don't think anything of it, just an honest mistake and good thing they took the extremely long time to recount it.
Well we get back to their house and my step-dad is raging pissed off at me. He's in my "room" yelling, literally yelling at me, for making him seem foolish in front of people. My step-dad is a former military, former cop so he's pretty scary when he's angry. There has been only one other time in my entire life where I was afraid for my life, and my body was going through the same motions of heart racing, nausea, and quick escape/self-defense violence tactical plans. I didn't want his money. I didn't want to move in. But the worst of it was that my mom took his side. She went on and on about how he's a proud man and he's done so much for us and how he doesn't like to be embarrassed.
Flash forward to this Christmas.
Unfortunately my relationship with my mom and my step-dad hasn't changed too much. He and I have a quasi-friendly relationship. He uses me for story-telling about how he has a daughter, and I've used him to pay for things like rock-hit-broken car windows.
My mom and I have never gotten over the strain. She's in a merry mental Candyland and shows me affection with gifts and pictures, but whenever I try to have a real conversation with her she changes the topic. Her husband is 1st. I am 2nd. Which is fine if I liked the guy. I guess it shouldn't matter. He makes her happy and gives her the security and attention she wants, and in return, he has a family and isn't alone.
So about Christmas. My boyfriend's dad was a real saint this year and bought us both tickets to see my mom in AZ and his family in CA. The bf and I had been in a travel limbo for weeks. Did we have enough money to travel, where should we travel, who's family is chosen, or do we see our separate families separately? Since I skipped Thanksgiving with my mom I knew that my choice was either stay in San Diego with him or see her. With the plane tickets, we could see everyone. Again, his dad is a true saint and I can't say enough thanks.
The cool part was, we were only going to be in Phoenix for 20 hours. That's just enough to see my mom because she's my mom and to be back in Arizona where I haven't been since graduation.
Fuck...where do I being? My mom picked us up in her little red Escape with car reindeer antlers and a red nose. I had high hopes then and were quickly dashed when she asked to me to return the garage door opener because I'm not using it, and how I shouldn't get another unpaid internship because I have a college degree (like it means something in 2011). Then she started going off about how they were taking us to dinner (they don't cook) but pretty much put a gun to our heads about getting this dinner special because they have a coupon.
I should note that my mom and step-dad are "new money". They grew up really poor and shamed because of it. Eventually they both made enough money to enjoy life more than comfortably and they show it off. For example, as soon as we got to the house L--- started bragging about their huge new tv and how much it cost, but yet they steal sugar, and reuse plastic spoons. They can blow $4,000 on lawn furniture they never sit on, but won't tip more than 15%.
[side note of me bragging: my bf's tv is bigger, and we always tip 20%]
So we go out to dinner. We don't get helped for a few minutes which is fine by me because it's DEC 23RD and most people have the night OFF to spend with LOVED ONES. Not once did my mom or step-dad thank any workers for working during the holiday. Well, my step-dad makes a huge scene to the manager about how they always come here and where the hell is the service. I'm completely embarrassed at this point. Not just for me, but for my boyfriend as well. L--- later apologizes to the manager while also cracking jokes about it.
To an extent angry customers are right: they should be served properly. However, most people working in the service industry have a tough life and this is what they have to do to get by. Be compassionate to them, they'll be nice to you.
Oh, and the bf and I did use the coupon. I'm sorry, but coupons with guests are tacky. They just are.
Oh! AND WHAT REALLY PISSED ME OFF. Some neighbors swung by our table and asked what my boyfriend did for a living. L--- cut him off before he could talk and said, "computers." My boyfriend grows medical marijuana. This is what he does. I'm really not that keen on it, but that is what he does and he should be allowed to talk about it. Throughout the dinner L--- kept sorta asking about his work but would insert "your profession" and "the technology field". Clearly MY MOM HAS LIED AGAIN. I can't FUCKING STAND how that woman keeps secrets and lies. It really really fucking upsets me. And I didn't know what to do at the dinner table. I mean, do I correct L--- and tell him what's really going on? Does my boyfriend? My mom sure as fuck didn't say anything. The bf didn't say anything (probably politeness of not ruining the next 20 hours) and I couldn't correct it after the first statement, so the lie continued.
They did "let" us sleep in the same bed so I guess it was a victory. My mom wanted me to thank my step-dad for "allowing" us. I didn't. I'm 23, my boyfriend is almost 29, we've been together for 5 years; if they didn't want us sleeping together (a) I would have left and paid for a hotel for us, and (b) they don't understand that their strict rules has meant they see me less.
Where did my mom go? Where did my fun mom with her whimsy and openmindedness go? In a way, I lost her too.
And so that was Arizona. I saw my mom. I was disappointed like I usually am. And as I was sitting in the faux black leather seats at the airport I look out the window and remembered why I left Arizona. It's nothing but dry, dead boredom and Carl's Jr.s.
20 hours was nearly too long.
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