Day 29--Post-grad fashion!

Today's entry is all about post-grad fashion.  I stumbled upon this fairy godmother website last night all about post-grad style called http://www.polyvore.com/lawyer/collection?id=216178 .  This site features fashion collages for every occasion, an option to buy the clothes featured, a section to ask fashion/style questions (like which gel eyeliner is best, what to wear to this-or-that event), plus a section about interior design.  Seriously check this website out.

The fashion collages shown below are all items I wish I owned for my first post-college job  =)

 

 

Again, check out that website http://www.polyvore.com/lawyer/collection?id=216178

Day 28--The Misadventures of the gray slacks

Prologue:

Where are you, gray slacks?

I don't know any girls who enjoy shopping for pants.  There is a near-impossible ratio of pant length to waist diameter to how your butt looks to how it feels against your skin. 

I am a 4'11' tall girl with size 0/00 waist, and it has been a shopping curse for the majority of my life.  It's been my personal experience that only 50% of stores even carry size 0.  Of this 50%, only 30% will have a 0 or a 00 in store.  Of this 30%, 20% of these 0s are actually 1s or 2s, purposely mislabeled to make women think that they have smaller waists than they do.  A 0 should be about 24 waist inches.  So, using my personal statistics, only 10% of stores will carry pants that actually fit me, and Lord help me that the thing that fits actually looks good! 

And yes, I've checked out the kids sections.  Unfortunately (or fortunately, given standards), most girls pants have zero curves and style.  They look dowdy, and if they don't, they have sparkles on them.  So once again, I'm stuck in the 10%-if-I'm-lucky junior department. 

The Misadventures of the gray slacks 

What exactly does a post-grad wear to an interview?  I'll be writing an entry about this soon enough, but in my personal opinion, slacks are a necessary for a nicer job.  I honestly don't think that jeans will do, nor will skirts (but more on that later).  I think that black slacks are little too funeral for my age and so I'm on the hunt for simple gray slacks.

ex. of crappy slacks

I'm a domino girl when it comes to shopping, which means I tend to do things in a certain order.  Sure sure, I can buy the other parts of the interview outfit now, but I won't.  Once I get the pants, I'll get shirts to match, and get the shoes to match the rest.  Without the pants, I'm lost.  

I drove over the San Diego's Fashion Valley, which is a huge outdoor mall with everything from Gucci to Claire's. I had money in the wallet and absolute determination to find size 0 gray slacks.  Nothing else.  Just gray slacks.

And...

Abercombie -- Doesn't carry slacks

Bebe-- Only carries ugly slacks, and not my size

Charlotte Russe-- Doesn't carry slacks

Skinny slacks=jobs??

Express-- Carried size 00, but when I tried on each of the three varieties I found that they were misrepresented 00s and were in fact 1s or 2, judging by how they felt around my waist and the parachutes of fabric around my legs.

Forever 21--I'm shocked that they don't carry slacks

Gap--I had some luck at Gap.  They carried my size, but of the 3 brands, only one fit decent but I'd have to get a belt for it, plus and it was that awkward color of charcoal that looks like faded black that been washed too many times. They also sold skinny slacks.  Seriously?  People win jobs with skinny slacks?

H&M -- Only had 3 pairs of slacks in the entire store and none my size

Hollister-- Doesn't carry slacks

Why are the waists so HIGH?

JcPenney--I had some luck at Penney's.  They carried two 0s of different brands.  One was way too big (another misrepresentation), and the other one was surprisingly tight and went up only an inch or so below my navel.  Not really feeling the Urkle look. 

Macy's-- They had one brand of slacks and their size 0 is too big

Norstrom -- No slacks for junoirs

Target -- Their smallest size of pants is a 2

The way I see it, I have only 3 more options.  (1) Buy shitting slacks from either JcPenney or Gap (2) Try Banana Republic and (3) Try one more local store that I know carries 0s, but I'm not sure about slacks.

If only

The day was not a complete loss, however, for I learned a few things

--The style of slacks these days is to be really high above the hips.  I haven't worn anything less than a hip-hugger or low-raise since high school

--They are two main varieties of fabric: a stiffer wool-cotton type, and silky type.  I prefer the stiffer look which feel and look more like jeans, versus the silk, which looks like pjs.

-- The answer might not be slacks at all, but a gray pencil skirt.  It's a look I saw again and again.  The thing is, I get cold easy thus the pants, and I just don't know if I'm comfortable wearing a skirt to an interview. 

--Once again I wish that there were stores based on height or based on age.  What a world if things were designed for actual women's height and lifestyle.  I would totally shop that the 5' College Grad store where everything was my length, with a sleazy section for clubbing, a young professionals section for jobs, an exercise section for fitness, with a special corner with Pottery Barn, Anthropologie, Urban Outfitters, and Target products. 

(sigh) Still on the hunt. 

Day 27--Mornings

The mornings are my most creative times (and my most anti-social).  In the mornings those wisps of subconscious memories and theories swirl a little stronger in the veins.  Through the day I might remember this or that, but the memories are flat as cardboard sentimentally.  In the mornings they get to live in the flesh again.

In the morning I can feel that junior year apartment I shared with Sarah, with the light coming through our 6th floor windows as we make margaritas in the afternoon and discuss our incompetent and hilarious professors and our, at times, equally as incompetent and hilarious boyfriends.  

In the morning I can be 9 years old again and can touch the fake trees planted in spongy fake moss inside wicker baskets that decorate the inside my parents' house.  When my eyes are closed I can hear those damn annoying birds outside my parents' bedroom in the twisty tree, hidden for now behind their drawn purple curtains.  

In the morning I can be in the bars of Tempe, being young and carded as my friends flirt and yell across dirty tables about who got drunk that weekend and how drunk they were.

Mornings and Kings of Leon in the ear buds,  I can be driving up to Portland, Oregon, and experiencing for only the second time in my life what falling in love feels like as I drive in such utter happiness through the forests and past the meadows. 

A change of song and I can be in Danville the summer before I moved to Arizona.  I'm walking home from my breakfast of Starbucks, writing letters in my head to my friends who I'm about to say goodbye to.  Maybe it's that day or a different day I'm sitting on the balcony in that first apartment eating Panda Express for the first time with my boyfriend.  We don't know it yet, but we will be together four years from this point.

I cherish the mornings when I can see these faces, remember that time, feel it again.  I shiver and tiptoe through the kitchen to avoid conversation with anyone during these first minutes of the day.  An idea sprouting can be easily murdered with innocent idle chat.  But sometimes it happens...

...And suddenly my dad is gone again.  And suddenly someone else is living in that apartment Sarah and I shared.  And suddenly the bars are quiet in the afternoon hour.  And suddenly I'm 23 and responsible for making new memories.

Now now, I don't see this as a melancholy escapism, but as a pleasant vacation cut a day short.  To remember is to visit. A time to visit an old friend, visit an old town, to visit yourself.   

Time to make some new memories in this post-college life! 

Today I'm thinking of heading to one of my favorite parks in San Diego with the bf.  The next few days will be packed with errands and the like.  I need to buy a job interview outfit, do laundry, go to the bank, met up with the bf's cousin who might be my best link to new friends out here, plus I'd like to work on my tan a little bit more.

Oh the afternoon and its infinite business!

Until next time.

Day 24--Metaphysical switch

I crave that metaphysical switch that simmers up somewhere between minutes 40 and 50 in a conversation; yards away from general updates and a few steps away from analysis.  It's that switch that occurs when both talkers are placated from the whats and the whys and drift comfortably into the what-ifs.  It's so rare these days with blitz quick conversations through Twitter and Facebook that last only a few lines and stay in the brain for far less than that.

I was on the phone with a college friend and somewhere in the context of post-grad so far, it's not too late to make different choices, and what would ourselves from 5 years ago think of us?, she said something clever I've been pondering since.  She stated that college is our first meaningful choice, who we date is the second, and who we hang out with is around third.

Now, you can throw at me a half dozen counterpoints that parental pressure/finances/acceptance rate all make that college choice for you but frankly, those arguments are bullshit.  If you're 18 you are free to go, not go, wait to go, save up to go, or do something completely different.

College: to go, not to go, where to go, how to pay for where you go, will you wait to go, will you stay in the place you went, will you return to where you came from? 

This friend of mine had been accepted to a college in Switzerland and almost went there to study international relations, but chose to go to Arizona State instead because of cost.  Now she works at a media company a million miles away from international law.

Who we date:  what is this person into, is this what we'll be into, what experiences will we gain with this person, what will we sacrifice to be with this person, what direction will we head with this person?

In choosing to date long-distance I was gone for 1/4 of all of my college weekends and all of my summers.  What kind of life would I have built if I had the time out there?  If I was single would I have taken the LSATs and moved to Portland, Oregon studying intellectual property rights?  Then again, I would have never moved to San Diego, just a few blocks from the ocean, waking up late next to a guy who loves me and will sing Kesha just to make me laugh as we cook together.

Who we hang out with: what interests are we going to be exposed to, what networking will we build, what friendship will last our lifetimes, what choices will we make to be better people or worse people because of our clique?

Both my friend and I have a mixed group of friends which we have partied with and have loved, but at this stage of ignorance of what's next, it would be nice to have a support group in our field of interest to give us advise and courage. 

Choices.  The first choice, the second choice, the third choice, the next choice.  Post-grads enter a world of stifling choice.  We've been coasting on, for the most part, responsive choices over the past 4 years.  For example, if we need a class to graduate the most basic choice is whether or not to take it, but many of us will make the 'yes' choice rather easily and instead focus on the less important responsive choice of when to actually take it. Post-college is not like that.  Each choice has a magnitude of repercussions of where we end up.  Choices also have a longevity we're not accustom to.

In college, a choice lasts maybe 4-5 months.  Hate that you took the class?  It'll be over at the end of the semester.  Don't like the job?  They'll understand if you have to quit because you're going to be gone all of of Winter Break or you're classes are too stressful that semester.  There is an acceptable expiration date for nearly all choices.  In real life, taking that shitty job might turn into a shitty career, or too much of a delay for you to return to your original dream career. 

The crux of what I'm getting to is that every choice matters now.  Me living here in San Diego, me dating my boyfriend, the friends I make out here, the job I end up taking out here, how long I stay here, what I learn here--every choice.  It's daunting, it's exciting, it's like a combination lock where the first number choice determines if it will open for you or not. 

"Dreams are made once choice at a time." 

Day 22--Slump

Part1

Getting called out sucks.  And I have been called out more times by more people than I'd like to admit who are worried about me.  My lack of direction.  My lack of social interactions, and the quality of the interactions that I am getting out here.  My desire to sleep so much of the day.  Is living with a boyfriend working out like it should?  You caught me.  I am a little blue. 

The way I see it, I'm just taking a little longer than I thought.  Once I get a job I'll have something to do during the day, people to hang out with, money to join clubs or yoga, and a steady income to move out and find roommates I click with.  I'm getting there.  Just slowly.  I don't really want to get a job until after the family reunion trip ends on July 5th.  I'd feel weird getting a job just to leave it for a week, or tell them that I can't work until weeks later. 

So today I'm forcing myself to get out of the house and just...find stuff to do.  I tried calling old friends, I might meet up with one later tonight or tomorrow, I plan on going by Target to exchange a shirt, maybe buy the shuffle, maybe hit up a one of my favorite bookshops, and definitely get a vanilla latte along the way.  Until then!
....................................................................................................................................
Part 2

Sometimes, if I'm really lucky, cracking open a new book releases a rush of thoughts and memories of times and places I have long ago forgotten--some of those places real and others engraved in my imagination. 

I'm sitting comfortably here with an Oakland A's blanket over my legs with a 1976 copy of A Connecticut Yankee at King Arthur's Court.  I haven't made it past the introduction yet, but I'm giddy to read over the names Clemens, Concord, and Confederate for the first time in ages.  The Romantics nearly killed my interest in America (thanks, Emerson), but tonight's reading feels as cozy as Rip Van Wrinkle's nap.

I'm glad I got out of the house today.  I've said this many times in the past, but if you asked me my favorite place to be, it's my car. More specifically, my car after a car wash, going about 70mph with music blaring through open windows.  It's really therapeutic to feel that sort of movement of going somewhere fast--even if there is no destination.

I ended up at a dusty book shop with stacks up to the ceilings and two books deep in each shelf.  I almost left with some Stevenson and obscure travel literature, but decided on Twain for now.

I went to Target and looked around, and ended up buying a shirt in one of the stores of the adjacent malls.

Home again and some Food Network.  Dinner splitting crepes and listening to crappy but happy live folk music. 

Well this entry has officially gone into rambling so I'm off.  I'll try to have more structure in the next entry. 

Day 20--Vacation-minded

Today my boyfriend and I took a different approach to the whole post-college thing.  Instead of stressing about jobs, well, let's be honest, pretending to as we stay on our computers and sleep in till noon, we had a lazy kind of weekday and thoroughly enjoyed it.

We didn't leave the house till 4 (thanks S.'s blog on Cosmo.  I very much enjoyed Challenge 14) and hit up Mission Beach's amusement park as a quirky thing to do on a Monday afternoon.  One sweet $3 churro later and we were walking along the shore debating where to go on a vacation.

When are we going to have this amount of mutual free time?  So far the top choices are: (1) SoCal area trip to visit friends in Long Beach, Santa Barbara, and LA, (2) Visit a few friends in SoCal and visit a wacky town we've never been to, and (3) an unlikely trip up to Oregon. 

We made a really yummy teriyaki chicken dinner and lounged around with the roommates watching music videos and discussing if Katy Perry is hot or not, the respect for Kid Rock's career, is Mumford and Sons any good?, why is the MGMT "Kids" video so fucking weird?, how I like that Colby Coliat song just because I like the apartment in the video, Nikki Minaj as a stylist and whether or not her lyrics are any good, ect.

And now I'm sitting here eating a chewy brownie with intentions of waking up early tomorrow for a change and maybe working on a tan.  Oh the life.  

Day 19--Random thought day

Today is a hodgepodge day of random interests and wishes.  

1.) One of my far away goals to be one of those people who can identify flowers by name.  

2.) One day I would like to be fluent in Spanish, and possibly French.

3.) I would like to get over my fears and explore the jungles and safaris of the world one day.

4.) I'm currently listening to this song 

5.) Maybe I will go to grad school one day.

6.) I wish I were more well-versed in global politics.

7.) I love my hair

8.) #7's thought right after #6 made me laugh

9.) I feel like visiting a museum this week.  San Diego or LA?

10.) I have some dark chocolate brownie mix in the pantry.  Should I make some?

11.) Now listening to this song

12.) Wanted should have been such a better movie.  I think that Angelina Jolie's one of my favorite actresses.  I've seen 7 of her movies.  Sandra Bullock and Betty White still top though.  And Drew Barrymore's still got it.

13.) Pink's first album is highly underrated.  Every track is fucking awesome. "Is it Love" and "Hell Wit You", especially. 

14.) Maybe that's a future blog theme: listening to the debut albums of current artists.  Before and Afters. 

15.) I'm snack-y.  Those brownies sound pretty delicious.

16.) I would like to watch more Marilyn Monroe movies.  Did you know that she was a very well-educated woman?  She owned over 600 books on topics such as philosophy, art, history, and psychology and would often carry around The Biography of Abraham Lincoln.

17.) Now listening to 

18.) I'm making brownies.

Day 18--Music day

Just got back from tanning on the beach and I feel like laying here listening to music and reading news articles.  The following tune stream: Cake's "It's Been A Long Time", Kesha's "Blow", Jane's Addiction's "Jane Says", Britney Spears's "Till The World Ends", Raphael Saadiq's "Stone Rollin", and Damian Marley's "Pimpa's Paradise".

Day 17-- Book review: In the Woods

Twelve-year old Adam Ryan was found gripping a tree in the Dublin's Knocknaree forest with dried blood pooled in his shoes, his shirt ripped up in the back, and no memory of what happened to his two best friends forever lost in the woods. 

Twenty years later Katy Devlin, a 12-year old local ballet star, is found murdered in the same woods, with grown up Detective "Rob" Ryan, trying to solve her murder while trying to remember what happened to him that summer day in 1984.

In the Woods, Tara French's award-winning debut novel, is a mystery thriller worth the rising pulses and itchy fingers ready to keep turning the page into the wee hours of the night.  However, while French creates a tantalizing tangle of plot webs and whodonit clues, her lead characters nearly ruin the book.

Detective Ryan is a surprisingly hollow narrator.  He does the usual melancholy borderline alcoholic with too much self-doubt and zero humor.  He's a cardboard character who acts more third person than a fleshed-out leader to the story.  His partner Cassie Maddox has a touch more pluck as a character, but while her intuition and insights speak to the audience, she also fails into the stereotype of "quirky" with her vespa and college diet.  

Thank God the plot is gripping enough to continue on.

Of course, the fourth act is always the most important to a mystery and this one is bipolar.  To some, the ending is a mix of both utter surprise and clues along the way, and will wrap up in a gritty package of motive.

However, I image that many people will leave this book irritated.  Not all stings have been wrapped up and I certainly won't spoil the book by telling you which ones.  Luckily, French has mentioned in interviews that she's not done with this her detective characters, so conclusions may come eventually.  If you can wait.  If you're ok with answers yet unwritten and are in need of a thrill on a cold summer night, you're in for a treat with this debut novel from a writer bound to be on the bestsellers list for years to come. 

Day 16-- Quitting a job for the first time

"Everlasting Light" by The Black Keys is playing loud in my ear and the slow rhythm from reggae night at the local bar hasn't quite left my body.  What a day.

I quit a job today for the first time in my life.  I felt nauseous and shaky in the parking lot, and sputtered out my reasons to my boss in such a nervous way that I think I made her nervous. 

Please understand, I have incredible fortitude when it comes to crappy jobs/crappy situations. I once had a boss who micromanaged and wrote people up so often that the whole store would go hush when she entered the room and I hid from her in the corner of my mind when she was around.  I outlasted her.  I've outlasted many a challeges.

This job simply wasn't for me.  To get to the crux: I didn't realize the extent of the loneliness on the job. I would have to be by myself all shift (I took this job to meet people in a new city), and I would have to close the store by myself (I know I'm paranoid, but I'm small and I didn't feel comfortable being alone in empty store where I can't see what's going on).  Add on the fact that there wasn't recipe cards for the drink let alone the food I'd have to make when the cook left, questionable health protocol, plus the disorganization of things, and yeah, I knew I could stick it out if I needed to, but I didn't see happiness down the road.

In a way, I'm in the same place I was when I first moved here, but I'm surprisingly calm.  I made a good dinner, did some much needed errands,  finally watched Salt, and saw some live music to top the night off. 

P.s. In unrelated news, I picked up my college diploma from the post office today. A good day.

Day 15--How to quit a new job

I have never quit a job before.  Help?

It's not that I hate this job.  In many ways I like being back with a coffee company.  But I didn't think I would be working by myself for entire shifts.  Especially at closing.  Call me paranoid for not wanting to be alone at 3pm in an empty store, but I'm small and it creeps me out.

I think I need to quit. 

Day 13--First day on the job

The first day of a new job.  New shoes, fresh clothes, waking up way too early, but not wanting to arrive too early. The panic that "This is a mistake.  I shouldn't work here," right before you walk through the door. Or is that just me?

Back in coffee. I feel like I'm in a Scooby-Doo episode where Scooby and Shaggy run and run from the villain and end up in the exact same place that they started.

(sigh).  I've written a lot tonight and deleted most of it. Maybe tomorrow I'll have my thoughts more collected on my second day of work.  

Day 12--Cookbook review: What to Cook and How to Cook It

I'm that person who lives off of Mac&Cheese and Starbucks pastries.  I can't make rice to save myself, I dry out chicken every time I cook it, and I once made a cake with 1/4 cup of salt instead of 1/4 tablespoon salt.  Basically, I have a poor diet to begin with and my cooking skills don't help.

This is partly on purpose.  If you don't know how to cook, you don't have to cook for anybody. It's like when you're 16 and you're the only one with the driver's license. But in the past few months I've lived with some cooks and it's inspired me to drop my Kraft box and get out a cutting board.

The first time I saw What to Cook and How to Cook It I was having a hipster afternoon and spent a few hours in Urban Outfitters.  I picked up the book and read the whole thing cover to chocolate chip cookies on page 402. 

The inside of What to Cook and How to Cook It

What makes a good cookbook?  First of all, PICTURES.  For the life of me I cannot understand why cookbooks get published without accompanying photos.  How the fuck am I supposed to know what the recipe should look like in its finished state?  Second of all, it should be sectioned off properly.  Maybe basing chapters on ingredients or weather seasons works for some people, but I like things categorizes by time of day and how intensive it is.  Lastly, the cookbook should be big enough and or heavy enough to stay open while you're cooking so you can follow the instructions.  

What to Cook and How to Cook It is a beautiful book.  Period.  Not only does it include pictures of the finished product, but it has pictures of all of the ingredients and the cooking process as well.  It's sectioned by Breakfast & Brunch, Light Lunches, Simple Suppers, Food for Sharing, Weekend Cooking, Side Dishes, and Desserts & Baking.  It's meant for beginners so it starts easy (pancakes with blueberries), moves on to things like Nachos with Guacamole, and Spaghetti with home-made Pesto, and finishes with things like Roast Chicken with Lemon and Leek Stuffing, and Roast Beef and Yorkshire Puddings.  It's 402 pages long, hardback, and about about 8''by11'', so it actually stays open next to the stove.  

I'm rather in love with it.

I've tagged 22 recipes I want to tackle first and I've done 6 of them so far.  I know this entry is way long as it is, but here's my review thus far from favorite to least favorite.  

1.) Chicken Caesar Salad.  Extremely Successful.  Homemade croutons?  Oh my god.  So good.  And all it takes it buttermilk break cut into squares with salt and pepper.  And who knew that Caesar dressing only took 3 ingredients (it should have been 4, but I forgot the garlic)?  I was so impressed by how well this turned out, and I was shocked that wanted seconds with a salad. 

2.)  BLT.  Ok yes, this is just a normal BLT, but it was yummy!  I tried to follow the directions with the honey+mustard+mayo spread, but I'm just not a mustard fan.  Other than that, it was such a nostalgic treat on a warm spring day that I made it three times last week. P.s. Use buttermilk bread.

3.) Cheeseburgers. I've never chopped onions and put them in the burger (never used an egg either), so I was pretty happy with the result. Then again, when you char burgers it kinda tastes the same to me.  Still, my boyfriend ate 3 of them in a row so it was a success.=)  P.s. add bacon left over from the BLTs.

4.) Simple Herb Omelet.  Truthfully, the only time I eat omelets is when I'm burnt out on other breakfast food.  My opinion hasn't changed after this recipe.  I added the left over bacon and used a regular sweet onion instead of chives (why buy a literal bunch of them when I just needed one of them?) and let me tell you, my kitchen smelled ridiculously delicious that morning.

5.) Berry Smoothie.  Skip the frozen mixed berries and just buy fresh fruit and add the ice.  By following the recipe, the smoothie tasted good (loved the honey), but it was way too frothy and not enough fruit.

6.) Cinnamon Rolls.  I'm honestly not sure if it was the recipe's fault or my freezing-ass January house, but this dish was a disaster.   The dough never rose.  I put them in the fridge overnight and nothing.  I put them in our kitchen and nothing.  Granted it was in the low 50s in the house, so it might have fucked things up.  They turned out dryer than toast and way too many of them for four people.  However, crasins/raisins were an interesting and yummy choice. 

Six down, sixteen to go.  Should be delicious!

Day 10--One month since graduation

It has been exactly one month since I walked in my maroon robes and cap and accepted my diploma. I find myself now around 1am in a beach house a few blocks from the ocean.  I've got my ASU sweats on and my bikini somewhere on the floor.  It's been a crazy month, and here's what I've been up to:

Week 1: Went to the dentist, the doctor, got my car worked on, paid my phone bill, packed up 4 years of my life,  and had a wonderful goodbye dinner with 15+ friends at La Bocca.  We laughed, we feasted, we were merry.

Week 2: Drove from Arizona to the Bay Area.  Went to an extended family member's high school graduation (I find graduations so inspiring.  Yes, I'm a sap).  Visited old friends in San Francisco, San Jose, and Pleasanton.  Spent a few days with my feisty 83-year old grandma who answers, "Fine.  Sassy," when you ask her how she's doing.

Week 3: I temporarily moved in with my boyfriend in San Diego, and enjoyed the beach down the street while unpacking my life.  The seeds of panic that college was over and I don't know what to do with my life sprouted.  I contemplated becoming a candle maker, a veterinarian, a reporter, a sailing instructor, a baker, a UniFEM worker, and a novelist.  I should mention that I don't know how to make candles, I don't like animals that much, I loath the idea of reporting local boring shit, I have never sailed, I haven't baked since January, I'm afraid to work outside of the US, and the longest story I've written is 8 pages.  Panic.

Week 4: Decided that working for a certain magazine in SF is the goal I'm going to work towards.  Even if I don't make it, the resume I build will help with something else.  I applied for a job at a local coffee shop on Wednesday, got the job on Thursday, and was already unhappy with the job by Friday.  Not enough hours, not enough pay.  I went on a shopping spree to lift my spirits and bought a Santoku knife, a black cutting board, a green polka dot oven mitt, a snazzy white purse, thank-you cards, more of my favorite Uni-Ball Impact 7mm blue pens, and tickets to LA Rising with Lauren Hill, Muse, and Rage Against the Machine. 

This is a little redundant from a previous entry, but here's my progress of my year's goals:

Goals for the next year:

1.) Get a job, and or, find a career. Preferable a good one = 30% done. I got a job at a local coffee shop, so it's better than making $0 an hour, but the pay is horrible and it's only part-time.  I start training next week.  I'm going to need a second job to pay bills, preferably more in my field of interest. And no, I haven't started working towards a career.  I have however, decided that I want to write for a magazine as my end goal, so at least I have direction and a dream.

2.) Find my own place to live with new roommates = 0% done.  I've been living with my boyfriend, which has been really really great and I'm so thankful to him and his roommates for letting me crash.  Still, I want to find a place with some cool chick roommates to have that independence and craziness.

3.) Make new/more friends = 1% done.  I've reconnected with old friends and friends of the house here, but I haven't yet made my own.  I'm hoping working somewhere local will help.

4.) Eat things besides Mac&Cheese and pizza = 5% done.  I got a really incredible cookbook for Christmas that I've finally been working through.  It's the easy recipes for now, so I've made an omelet, BLTs, and a chicken caesar salad from scratch (yup, made the dressing and baked the croutons).  But I've had pizza twice in the last 24 hours, the last fruit I had was a banana with cinnamon on top, and the last veggie I ate was in a mojito.

5.) Do yoga at least twice a week = 0% done.  Have you seen the price of yoga per month?!

6.) Jog a few times a week = 1% done. I've been waiting to buy an iPod shuffle with money from my bike sale.  It just sold so hopefully I'll be up and "running" in a few days.

7.) Make a financial investment = 10% done.  I've saved some money from grad money so I have the funds to invest, but I haven't met with anyone yet.  I'd like to wait until I have a steady income.

8.) Have better style = 2.5% done.  I'm going to be ambition and try to obtain 100 new pieces of wardrobe in the next year.  My closet and style badly need an update.  So far I've bought a peace-sign necklace, a snazzy white purse, and I'm in the process of getting some Rock Revival jeans shipped here. 

9.) A year from now, be able to be proud of something I've made and become = I don't think I'll be able to measure this until a year from now.

Check back in next month!

Day 9--The World Bank and Buffy the Vampire Slayer

About a 6 hours ago it was announced that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was making a possible run for head of the World Bank, which would make her the first woman to run the Bank, and about 5 hours ago I got into a fight with someone over (among other things) the statement that men generally prefer to drive women vs being driven by women, himself included.

Which got me thinking about today's topic.  When was the first time you heard the word "feminist"?  

The first time I heard it I was the only freshmen in a senior-dominated art class in high school.  One of my peers asked me if I was a feminist.  I didn't know what it meant but it had a negative sound to it, so I answered, "I don't think so."  That girl, by the way, later told me that she was a decedent of slaves, and around March found out she on her way to an Ivy League in the East.

I have often thought of that question through the years.  Am I feminist?  I suppose so.  I feel that I deserve to be treated with equal respect as a human being, that I deserve the same opportunities as all human beings, and I did go to college and I pay my own bills.  But I don't mind changing my last name, or having the guy kill my spiders, or see what that noise was outside.  I don't mind being the passenger sometimes, but I demand to be the driver in my own life.

Which got me thinking: who are the female heroes for my age group?  Who are our mentors?  Who are we looking up to?  Or are the whispers true and we have to be our own role models because we don't have enough of them yet?

Here's the list of inspirational women for those of us in 18-28 age range who grew up hearing about, reading about, or watching these women.

Politically powerful women:

Hillary Rodham Clinton--Secretary of State, former US senator, former lawyer.  Responsible for foreign policy such as war and peace, communication, intelligence organization, and negotiations.  Was told as a child by NASA that women could not be astronauts. 

Condoleezza Rice -- former Secretary of State, former and current professor at Stanford University as an expert in international relations with a focus on the Middle East and Russia, and an accomplished pianist who once playing for Queen Elizabeth II.  Grew up in the violent segregated South.

  

Entertainers:

Oprah Winfrey--The first black female billionaire, host of the Oprah Winfrey Show which has inspired millions of books sold and millions of dollars earned for charity, on top of showcasing intimate issues of women.  Born into poverty by a teenage mother and sexually abused as a child.

J.K. Rowling--author of the Harry Potter series, which has sold millions of copies and is credited for sparking children to read again and exposing them to the allegories of racism and bravery.  Was a single mother on welfare when she wrote the series.

Fictional characters:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer--Buffy Summers, an ordinary girl who is told that she is the chosen slayer and must constantly have the courage and wit to protect her community from evil while finishing her homework.  An outcast with SoCal style.

Belle from Beauty and the Beast--Belle didn't marry for money and sacrificed herself to save her father's life.  She refused to take orders though she was a prisoner and tamed a beast while also enjoying mass amounts of literature.  An outcast with pretty hair.

I'm sure there are others, but these are the few that come to mind.  For every Elizabeth Bennett there is a Britney Spears and a Jessica Simpson.  For every Mulan there's a Cinderella and an underage Ariel.   Where are our heroes?  Where are our women?

On an ending note, I once gave my personal definition of a man being: a man is someone who can financially and emotional take care of himself, as well as financially and emotionally take care of another (ie. child, friend, parent, spouse).  The person I was talking to then asked, "What's your definition of a woman?".  I didn't know.  

A woman is the same I guess, but with a little more.  A sensuality and confidence about the body, maybe.  Or a strong sense of grace rather than masculine detached stoicism.  Maybe it's a charm about a woman.  I don't know.  But I do know that a woman DRIVES HER OWN FUCKING CAR THAT SHE PAID FOR HERSELF WITH GAS SHE PAID FOR, WHETHER A GUY'S IN THE PASSENGER SEAT OR NOT. 

(sigh).  Goodnight, femmies.

Day 8--Updates

I don't have much time to write tonight, but I do have some updates on my goal list.

Job: There's a 90% chance I'm going to be hired at a local coffee shop.  I talked to the owner today and blah blah blah I have 4 years experience blah blah blah, what's key is that she's about 5 ft tall, and short people like short people.  I interview with her daughter (the owner of the store I would be working at) tomorrow morning.

Do I want to work in coffee forever? No.  But as a part-time thing to pay my bills as I look to work for local papers (unpaid), I don't mind one more summer of lattes.  Plus I could use friends, and I've found that cafes usually harbor the intellectual/artsy/smoker/poet-types.

Also, I've picked out 2 writing samples for the SF internship and hopefully will be done with an application by the weekend. 

Making friends:  See above

Jogging/yoga a few times a week: Why the hell is yoga so expensive?  Seriously.  It's like $70 a month.  As my friend Breezy said, "It's not like you're shitting 20s." I think I'll wait until I get a job and ask around if any of the girls have a favorite yoga place they can recommend.

I haven't done any jogging.  This might change soon if I get a schedule going.  Also, I'd like to buy an iPod shuffle (my iPod in my pocket is a bit much when running), but I'm waiting on $$ from my bike sale and furniture sale back in AZ.

Eating better: Yes and no.  I had a lime in a mojito the other day...The fruits and veggies, not so much, so I need to get better with that.  I'd like to have 1 veg, and 1 fruit a day.  

On the bright side, I have been using that delightful cookbook I got for Christmas.  I'll write a review once I do a few more recipes.  This past week I made: an omelet, a chicken Caesar salad from scratch (including the croutons and dressing), and a few BLTs.  I just bought a cutting board and a new knife so I'm ready for more.

Gotta run!

Day 6: When signs drop in from SW Airlines

I am not a believer in signs, but sometimes they drop in from Southwest Airlines.

There is a magazine located in San Francisco I've been an admirer of since I stumbled upon it in Eng 416: Review Writing.  We had to pick a magazine as a faux host for each article we wrote, and time and time again I would end up picking this particular mag for its wit, entertainment, and relevancy.  

Flash-forward to now.  Three weeks ago I ended up in SF on a whim to visit an old friend and saw the city in a whole new light.  Now longer did I see it as a cesspit of heroin needles and homeless people, but as a city with crisp air and young energy.  I was listening to Jack Johnson with the windows down and was surprised as hell that I was handling the city driving just fine (one-ways usually freak me out).

A week ago I looked on the mag's site and found that they are eager for interns year-round.

This morning I got an email out of the blue from an aunt suggesting this magazine because her step-daughter interned there a few years ago.

And just a few minutes ago, completely unexpected, my boyfriend's dad dropped in from SF to say hi before he finished up his business trip.  

I think I'm going to apply. =)

Day 5--Robert Frost's haywire compass

The poet Robert Frost was a favorite in my elementary school, then again in my high school.  I used to memorize and recite his poems on Tuesday mornings and to this day I have a wealth of images stored in my brain of snow-covered forest trees and golden dirt pathways through the woods. 

Today I'm re-reading his most famous poem, 1916's "The Road Not Taken", which is about a traveler who finds himself at a crossroads in the forest and must make the decision to either walk down the beaten path, or the unused path.  

This poem is taught in school as a symbolism of individualism and taking a chance on risk rather than live with mundane expectations.  Life, however, is not a binary.  And what I'm finding as a post-grad is that there are too many paths, too many opportunity costs, and too much work to reach each one to turn back.  I'm rather paralyzed.  Here's a fun little chart:

My top favorite careers	Step 1	Step 2	Step 3	Finish
Magazine writer	Write for local papers writing crap I don't want to write, unpaid, to have resume (1 year)	Work for local magazine, unpaid, to have resume (1 year)	Move to SF or NY with an internship, unpaid (summer, longer)	Finally a magazine writer, hopefully paid enough for rent and life (total time ~3-5 years)
Editor for a book publishing company	Move to NY and try to get an internship (6 months)	Work as an underling for several years at the company (5-10 years)	Wait for a spot to open up (?)	Finally a book editor. (total time ~7-10 years)
Best-selling novelist	Write, write, write (lifetime)	Submit work and hope to be published, hopefully get an agent  (lifetime)	Keep writing and hope enough books sell that it can be a career (lifetime)	Never stop writing, hope the sells never stop (total time~ 1year-lifetime)
Professor of English and Media	Work for local papers/magazines (1-2 years)	Get an internship and a job down the road.  Work there several years to gain reputation (5-15 years)	Go to Grad school and PhD program, still work at mag (6-10 years)	Find a university to teach at. (total time ~ 20-30 years)

So there you go.  Three years to a lifetime of working, waiting.  Very unpaid.  A probable move to the East and for dubious results.  Can you see why I'm stuck?

I have a full page of local papers I'm going to contact tomorrow morning, and another page of theaters in the area I'm going to apply to as part-time work.  I also have a local directory of places I can try to work at.  I need to get to it. I need to put myself out there doing...something. Frustrated.  Discouraged.  Must have courage.