Day 106-- Family and Happiness

My mom and aunts have been visiting me in San Diego this past week and I have to say, I really enjoyed their company.

Thank God for my boyfriend.  He's seriously the very best boyfriend in the world for being my partner this week and helping me with them as I've been juggling my two jobs while he has his own.

I set out to spent time with each one individually and for the first time in about a decade I felt like I had family.  We're an odd, disconnected bunch that only got further strained during my parents' divorce and my move to Arizona.  There are exactly three sisters, and I only have one cousin, and he's 36, married, and on the other side of the country.  I've gotten used to apartness and when I was told they were coming my thoughts weren't of the pleasant variety. 

The sisters are so different.  You would only know that they were sisters by their height instead of their personalities.  

The youngest Aunt, Aunt W-- has, for the majority of my life, been the panic-y one who would tell me about the ghosts of the neighborhood as we would drive home and freak me out so bad I couldn't sleep.  She never had kids so her kid filter isn't too keen.  But now at 44 and me at 23 we got along like she was my neighbor.  She fit right along into our hippy beach town with her sundresses and cowboy hat. 

She's on a real individual kick right now, getting back into signing, reconnecting with friends, and reevaluating her marriage to a musician.  She liked my gusto and told me to not listen to a damn thing my mom says about "what's right" for me if it has anything to do with stability.  Have my own life.  Have my own path. She's mature but not retiring her youthfulness.  Out of the sisters she's the most vivacious in her own life and the most understanding towards me.

From her I got to hear stories of the mom I barely remember--the fun spontaneous one who was the life of the party though always prudent and a tad prudish.  I got to hear about the dad I never knew--the one before the alcoholism and the rage--who was funny, sane, blunt, and kind.  I don't have a single memory of my parents being happy.  No, I mean that sincerely.  I don't have a single memory.  I'm not bitter about it or anything it's simple factually I never thought was strange until recently.

But I'm tangenting.

My mom is the middle one.  When I was a kid I only remember her around on weekends when we'd go on some awesome adventures togethers.  During the separation and divorce I remember her as one of the strongest women in my life.  When she got married to my step-dad I saw her feminism surrendered.  She likes being a housewife to a former military-cop-real estate agent type.  They love each other and gave each other what they were looking for, but I lost my mom.  Her whimsy is shown in beautiful and thoughtful material gifts she gives me (which I appreciate) instead of her adventure and pranks (which I would prefer).  I mean this sincerely, she has a heart of gold.  Out of the sisters I think she cares the absolute most about people and their happiness.

And I miss my father more and more each day.  If he were here he'd be BBQing in the back with a beer in his hand, and while we wouldn't be the closest relationship, we'd get a slice of pizza when we felt like it and bitch about the neighbors and thift shop together.  He'd be a balance for my mom's controlling nature and would counter her neurotic worries that have gotten worse.  I miss them both, I guess.

My other aunt is the oldest at 60 but has the energy of 50.  She recently ran for office in her town, and while we're usually on opposite sides of the political spectrum, her simple awareness and concern of the state of the world is refreshing and keeps people on their toes.  She loves history and education, family, and being mostly right all the time but with that wild-child-grew-up-in-the-60s vibe hidden underneath.  

She got stoned in San Diego for the first time in decades and it was the funniest shit I've ever seen [this blog is anonymous for a reason].  It wasn't a completely mellow experience for her, but the next day she could say with a laugh and a wink that she could cross it off her list. We spent some of the day together in Old Town looking at the sites and talking about voting, history, and what a college degree means and doesn't mean in the worst economy since the Depression.  Out of the sisters I think she's the most informed about the country in how it used to be, how it is now, and what real life means when you walk outside theories.

I would call the trip a success.  The youngest aunt got to get away from it all for a few days, go to the beach, clear her head, speak her mind, see some cool shit, and go home with vigor.  My eldest aunt will go home refreshed from the ocean, and satisfied about the museums, the painting, the exhibits, and the conversations she got to have (plus the taffy she's taking home).  My mom will go home happy that she went to the zoo,  Balboa Park, and Del Mar, and that I'm doing well with a job and internship and supportive relationship.  But she'll be rattled that my boyfriend works at a collective [this blog is anonymous for a reason], that I live in a grungy hippy part of town instead of the pristine suburb life, and that I stick up for myself when she's being bossy.  My mom's a hard nut to crack but I hope that honesty helps.  I hope that I showed her enough love.  I should write her a note.

And once again I can't say enough about my boyfriend.  He picked my aunts up from the airport, he was honest with my mom about what he does for a living, he woke up hella early to have breakfast with my family before I had to leave for work this week, he hung out with my Aunt W. when I couldn't pick her up due to work, and today he really really impressed me.  It's my mom and eldest aunt's last night in San Diego and it was really important to me to have dinner with them before they left.  I knew the bf was exhausted and not hungry and settled at home, but he showed up in a crisp white oxford, a nice shave, and his charming smile.  I think I fell in love with him a little more in that moment.

Dinner was easy, flowing, and comfortable--like we've been getting together a million times over carne asada tacos and live music in a beautiful 1920s restaurant.  I felt like I had a solid family today and I'm so glad that he was a part of it.  And I'm grateful to my mom aunts for coming out and being so positive about exploring our town.  I love it here.

Well I got to go.  I have a presentation tomorrow I'm not prepared.  Today was my first day off in 3 weeks and I'm itching to call off tomorrow for a little more time.  Tis life.  Blog entries should be more frequently this week and hopefully with some recipes, tips, and good vibes.  Till then!