Day 335-- The trick to being an adult is...

I once said that the trick to being an adult is merely handling your shit (and the unexpected) with grace.  Grace, and dolla dolla bills.

Stretches neck. 

I have things coming up.  A dentist appointment I need to schedule [$400+], get my oil changed [$60+ with a coupon], replace my car insurance with one that isn't charging me double what I was paying in Arizona [now $116 a month], I'm out of contacts [$25 a pack], and I'd like to buy those used GRE study guides and How to Fund Graduate School books from Amazon [$25 used, after shipping].

Cali is so damn expensive.  But got to make do.  Gotta get by. "Got to keep on walking/ on the road to Zion"~ Damian Marley.  Takin' care of shit, best way I can.

Day 334-- Waiting, beneath the green apriocot tree

Saturday night, around 8:30pm, roommates downstairs smoking outside as we talk about former roommates, moving horror stories of packing and inevitably leaving behind the blender and the toaster (they never make it), bitching about those annoying kids on our street ("Douch kid number 1") who throw footballs near our cars, and how hard it is being an adult with all those pesky responsibilities like doing dishes, feeding ourselves three items again, paying for gas, ect.  We've been talking for about 2 hours and I've finally come from the cold.

I told them today that I will be leaving when my lease is up in July and most probably moving to Oregon where the jobs are plentiful and grad schools are located.  It has never felt more real than it did talking to them.  But I can't wait here another year to see if maybe I can find better work, and culture-wise it would be smart to be around fellow writers and activists and artists.

Lately I have wondered if my boyfriend is right, that I could have made it work here if I wanted it to, if I had make friends with these girls, if I had a job I respected, if I had been open-minded.  And I guess the answer is a tentative no.  To find the work I'm looking for and the people I'm looking for...well, it might be in a small niche of San Diego but I think I need a bigger community.

I'm not ready to move, not ready to stay.

Not ready to move, not ready to stay.

I've been on the phone with about a half dozen old friends and old co-workers lately, which has been a healthy dose of perspective.  Some are still having the same old problem, throwing a coffee table at a cheating ex included, and some are being promoted and thinking of starting their own businesses.  In contrast I feel like I'm not doing much. I can talk about my birthday or about "the twentysomething college grad", but I don't have much going on.  Not too many stories to tell.

...

I think I'm waiting for a feeling.  An alignment.

Day 333-- Wiki wiki

It's a Wiki sort of day.  Interests of the day:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albright_Group. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Betty_Friedan

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Organization_for_Women

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Women%27s_Political_Caucus

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gloria_Steinem

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angela_Merkel

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_Justice_Project

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_Sisters_%28colleges%29

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jane_Bolin

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinton_Global_Initiative

http://www.google.com/#hl=en&output=search&sclient=psy-ab&q=garden+state&oq=garden+state&aq=f&aqi=g4&aql=&gs_nf=1&gs_l=hp.3..0l4.812.2611.0.2950.12.8.0.4.4.0.208.1240.0j6j2.12.0.7Ztbfd9is3g&pbx=1&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_qf.,cf.osb&fp=fe2819027d67eb6c&biw=1366&bih=571

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0434139/

https://careers-clintonfoundation.icims.com/jobs/1862/job

http://ms.foundation.org/contact_us

http://www.wilsoncenter.org/

http://www.womensmediacenter.com/page/s/wmc-contact

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Women%27s_Hall_of_Fame

http://www.worldjusticeproject.org/?q=jobs-and-internships

http://www.womensmediacenter.com/page/s/wmc-contact

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2EnnclLMX4

Day 331-- The politics of a sushi roll

Oh the politics of money and sushi.  And I know you and everyone else has been in my position before.

On to my boring story about my co-worker's graduation dinner, and oh lordie.  Look, I believe in celebrating graduations and going out to dinner is a rather good idea, but the woman (Mid--) who chose the restaurant (not the same woman who was graduating) picked this extremely fancy place downtown where everything dish was at least $30, and the appetizers were no less than $20.  Plus is was Italian food, and I really can't stand Italian restaurants because noodles and red sauce cost about $1.40 to make at home so why pay $15 for it at a restaurant?

Anyway, there was all of this drama about the price because me and one of my co-workers going, who has a family of 3 young children, just didn't want to pay that much.  Do I have $30 to spend on a meal?  Yes.  But if I'm going to spend that much it's going to be on a steak or out with my boyfriend or something that I truly want.  If I'm spending my money on a splurge, like my new phone or plane tickets or whatever, it's because I've been saving my nickles and skipping meals and not going out, and so I've earned the right to splurge, in my opinion.  I'm not in poverty but I'm not rich, and I'd like to be able to say I'm in middle class because I have savings, but at any moment shit can happen and all those funds can disappear.  More on that later.

What is boils down to is this: Mid--- isn't a considerate person by nature.  And in this instance she was not taking into account that me and young mom aren't very well off in general and much poorer than Mid-- and the graduating girl who has a manager's salary.  And Mid--- made a huge fucking deal that everyone is paying for their own meal.

Anyway, we were able to gentle ask the graduating girl if she would be down for a different place to eat and she agreed to a reasonable sushi place.  My bento box was $12 (which was a treat over the one that cost about $10) and I got a water.  So I anticipated a ~$15 bill if I was being cheapish with my tip.  I tend to leave a 20% tip but sometimes a 15% makes sense.

And dinner was nice.  Mainly work talk, some laughs, you know, a nice dinner but nothing super whatever.

But when the bill came all hell broke loose.  The Mid--- was going to pay for her and the graduating girl, but then the accountant, who is a real accountant, put it all on her credit card and split it 4 ways so the graduating girl doesn't pay.  I mean, I get it.  But....my meal was now $25, not $15 like I signed up for when I was explicitly told I would be paying for my own meal and Mid-- didn't step up and argue that she would be paying for the graduating girl, not all of us.

And look, I don't want to be that person.  I don't want to be that person who complains about $10 for a good cause.  And I know this problem happens time and time again and it just simply happened to me this time.  So I didn't complain--to them.  But it still bothers me.  I mean, I got water when everyone else got drinks.  I got one bento box, when the other girls got bento boxes plus sushi rolls, and Mid-- fucking ordered a bento box, and three plates of fish.  It's not fair. I t's not fair to assume equality for a bill when the poorest people at the table get the least amount of food and the richer people get more food and then expect it all to be equal.  

I don't want to be that person.  But I guess I was.  And I thought I'd like to mention it.

Day 328-- Hello, 24!

 All in all, a very satisfying birthday. :)

I have to really give credit for my boyfriend stepping up this year. I had planned on a haphazard trip to the ballgame and he got us tickets to a foodie restaurant walk with some mutual friends.  I wanted so desperately to go to the food walk in Del Mar a few months back but missed it due to work.  So I was super stoked about The Taste of Hillcrest, 12pm-4pm, 52 restaurants offering samples.

And so the morning rush of cute clothes and sex before we drove to the other side of town.  The mutual friend's birthday is the same as mine, only a year apart.  It's funny how things turn out.  Her and Br--- were the epitome of my boyfriend's favorite year in San Diego and huge introduction to me into the world of parties, techno, and jello shots.  Things have changed and mellowed, and they've grown apart and my boyfriend and I have drifted too, so it was a sweet thing to meet up like this again. 

And of the food!  Food and food.  Braised meats, creamed cheese, buttered croissants, dripping hot burgers, and margaritas in shot glasses.  Do I have the time?  Why not? 

Urban Eats Plates & Bar-- Pulled pork sliders.  Fucking best way to start a food walk.  Salty, meaty, and a tang of sweet.  

Saigon On Fifth--Spicy rice and fish.  Not quite me.

Burger Lounge--A small cheeseburger.  No lie, a legit small burger.  This is when we figured out that Hillcrest wasn't messing around and that "taste" didn't mean a bite of scrap on a toothpick.

Luna Grill--Slow roasted lamb and well-seasoned chicken.  One of my boyfriend's favorites, and holy crap that chicken was incredible.

Fig Tree Cafe--Stuffed French toast.  Wow and wow.  I've been to the Fig Tree Cafe before and loved it, so this may be a reason to return.

Pink Noodle--Fucking weird.  Part Japanese anime, part ancient Indian, part children's paint, and what a weird image (noodles shouldn't be pink).  The chow mien wasn't very good either.

Bread & Cie--The kind of place I love and hate their prices.  Fresh loaves every day and displayed like buttery heaven invitations.  The croissant was tasty and I was appreciative that they gave out water. 

Fiesta Cantina-- My favorite place.  The chicken leg was good and true, and holy crap I will be ordering that southwest roll again.  Best of all, they gave out shot cups of Patron margaritas. Oh yes, I do love food walks.

Edible Arrangements-- Chocolate covered apple slice.  My second favorite place due to the huge surprise at how succulent that near dark chocolate was around a well-cut apple slice.  Rich, near dripping, perfect.  Deserving of sexual imagery.

Ortega's, A Mexican Bistro-- Oh honey, no.  The chicken taco tasted like cinnamon, and not in a good way.

EmpireHouse Urban Palate-- Also a miss.  Their chicken taco wasn't anything special.

Lotus Cafe and Juice Bar-- Too healthy for my tastes.  I liked the grilled bell peppers; the faux chicken, not so much.

Bombay Exotic Cuisine of India-- Definitely went all out.  There was a bell dancer, free bindis, an open house of pea/potato samboas, curry, rice, this delicious pudding, alcoholic and non-alcoholic punch, and a movie going on in the background.

The Wine Lover-- Ironically, no wine samples.  Instead they had toast with high quality cream cheese on top.  I mean, it was ok but most people in line were annoyed.

Whole Foods-- I HATE quinoa. Quinoa is bullshit rice, and tastes like shit too.

Taste of Hillcrest--Noodles and meat sauce I could have made myself.

Eden--Another miss.  It was a burger that just didn't...taste like a burger.

Ono Sushi--I don't eat much sushi, but everyone loved the fresh salmon

Golden Spoon Frozen Yogurt-- A huge portion and yummy.

Wine Steals-- They had both white and red wine with small pizza slices.  A good vibe with only the slighted edge of contrite.

Bamboo Lounge-- Sangria of both white and red.  Some Like it Hot was on, and it felt like the kind of trendy/pretty/bar place you don't pick as your first choice but have a good time once you're there.

Einstein's Bagels--Standard turkey sandwiches.  Nothing special.

Baby Cakes--I finally made it here!  It has such a big reputation for its dessert cocktails so I was super happy to make it 2 minutes before the end of the freebies.  Oh yes, they were snobby.  But those choco-tinis were delicious.

And I enjoyed the company.  The mutual friend was having a great birthday and her shy friend/coworker slowly warmed up after a few drinks and a stuffed stomach.  We made plans to go clubbing later and jetted off to our hippy part of town.

Sexy time, and apologizes if I missed your birthday call.  I was....busy.  Haha. And it was nice, between rounds to talk about things.  And things needed to be talked about.  I wish we had both got what we wanted this year--good jobs, happy roommate situations, confidence.  So what do we do?  Because despite the bullshit and the disappointment, yeah, we still do love each other that much.  Ya know.  It just is.  It's something annoying unconditional during the rough patches, but it's honest.  And so what do we do?  How do we fix this?  Should I try to get another internship here?  Move to a better place?  Will his side jobs with connected people turn into more income?  Life and its curve balls.  Talking talking, and deliciously not talking and flushed hours later it was time to hit the clubs.

Off to downtown!  Admittedly, it's been...well over a year since I clubbed downtown, so this was perfect.   It was the mutual friend, the shy friend, plus her roommate, the roommate's friend, and an old friend.  In total, 6 girls, plus my boyfriend.  They were fun girls, not flashy girls, the kind of girls who take shots in the living room and got their dresses at the local shop on sale, and who have a sort of genuine niceness about them.  I liked them and was happy I got to spend my birthday with peeps after all.

Lime was one of those pizza/tequila bars that about 5 weeks away from turning into something else equally as uninteresting.  Plus, the pizza sucked which is a egregious error in calling itself a pizza place. 

Sway was packed, which was fine with me, and I definitely enjoyed the live drummer who played along with the club mix.  It was the kind of place to get one beer and move on, which is basically what happened.

The Hotel Rock Hotel is exactly how you see it on The Real World or Kendra-- tons of douche bags, blue flames coming out of pebble aisle blocks, no doubt some coke being snorted somewhere, and a surprisingly peaceful view of the Convention Center and the Coronado bridge.  We stayed there the longest and I sipped on my extra sweet cosmo most of the night and enjoying the sights of the bored pretty people and the enthusiastic guys.  We all sort of chilled with cocktails, a 1-hitter, and some dancing like happy fools.  

And we can't forget piling into the car for the ride home and drunk talking. "Crack heads tend to do that. [on them stealing tvs]" was at least one thing I said slightly slurred and laughed.  A good night, and I do wish I had been able to stay awake for the sunrise but sleep took me under warm sheets and warm skin.

Before

after

 

And yesterday slipped into a nice afternoon.  We slept in late, and I made us chocolate chip pancakes before heading out for my mission.  Time to get rid of the ghetto-est phone.  I was at AT&T for a solid 45 minutes looking at all of the smart phones, but in the end, the camera capabilities, siri, and video clarity beat the rest, and I'm now the proud owner of the iPhone 4s! [Warning: I may turn into one of those people]

My sexy Kate Spade case

The boyfriend cooked us dinner of spaghetti and chicken as we watched our weekly Anthony Bourdain and Games of Thrones.

All and all, a good birthday.  Now if I can get my oil changed, my car insurance changed, and my landlord issues fixed by this week I'll be even more excited for my productive year to come.  Hello, 24!

Day 325 (b)-- What it was like being 23

Today is my last day of being 23.  It's cloudy out, which is slightly amusing because it was forecasted as sun! sun! sun! a few days ago.  But I'm enjoying it and might make some tea and look into the Bob Marley Documentary movie times--it is 4/20 after all ;) 

What was it like being 23 in 2011-2012?  On a nation-wide level, very common, on a personal level, accurate.  

I don't think I've had a year that fit me better than 23 in terms of what the age is suppose to mean.  Traditionally it's the year after college and a time of adjustment into the real world--which has that stereotype of being the "new" kid in the real world of pencil skirts and drinks out on Friday nights.  A mix of maturity and new responsibility without losing the edge of still being a baby-twentysomething with partying and taking shots.

When I say that I had a common 23 what I mean by that is that my entire class of 23 seems to have dealt with relatively the same issues: not enough jobs, not enough jobs we're qualified for due to our competition, too much poverty, and a huge whack to our self-confidence.  We have college degrees and for what?  We have passion and creativity but they're being wasted.  We're floundering but making the best of it and having a good time, but what if it never gets better or we lose our momentum?  

And maybe it's always been this way and maybe the quarterlife crisis and disillusionment is simply happening a little sooner and on a much larger scale.  But it's troubling to me just how many of my friends--who had excellent grades and honorable personalities--are working at burger shops, hotels, bathing suit stores, gardening stores, and coffee shops.  This is not what we wanted, this is not what was expected of us, and there is such this hidden shame amongst this group that we're not doing very well--I don't think I encountered a single 23 year old this year who didn't have a time of depression when it all seemed like they were floundering.  And maybe things will get better and maybe with a better economy and our new skills of hustling and saving, maybe then we will be more grateful and more prepared and we'll be those giants I know we can be.  I really hope so.  

As I said, on a personal level I think that 23 has been accurate to where I'm at in life.  Like the previous paragraph mentioned, the idea of college and jobs has been the more pervasive theme of the past 12 months.  As I've said in a few entries and in several conversations, "simple happiness is so underrated."  And I do believe that. I do think that there is something bastardized about simply being content in your life; that it's not good enough.  Why not enjoy the good life of sunsets and cocktails as long as you're happy? 

And I really do believe this, but I still can't help the want of more.  Maybe it's conditioning, maybe it's the investment of so much of my time and money.  I don't know.  But I do know that even when I've been so utterly happy in my life this year, like flying a kite on the beach, or blogging in a messy room of candles and licorice sticks, or going for long walks around the neighborhood, I still feel like I should be doing more.

23 has been an important for me in its juxtaposition of being happy, being afraid, being content, being unsatisfied, wanting, not wanting, should I be wanting, and hey life is pretty cool.  Things I've done this year:

-Graduated college

-Moved to San Diego

-Worked in publishing

-Lived with a boyfriend

-Worked at a hotel

-Didn't have health insurance

-Stopped living with a boyfriend

-Almost sued someone

-Became a California resident 

-Learned how to live poor

-Was nationally recognized at my job

-Figured out that I wanted to go to grad school someday

-Figured out that something in writing is a career path I want

-Had and am still having serious relationship issues around the idea of growing up

-Went to Planned Parenthood for the first time

-Smoked for the first time, finally got drunk for the first time

-Didn't get the job (well, several) for the first time
-Became a property owner with my car being paid off

-Learned how to cook

-Blogged!

All in all, a pretty educational year.  Am I happy where I am about to be 24?  Not really.  As I've been fighting with my boyfriend about lately, the life that I wanted to be at right now is this: living with my boyfriend in a cute apartment where we always have music playing and learning how to cook together and we both have jobs we love or jobs we hate but we can laugh it off because it's temporary, and we have BBQs with friends and I'm planning ahead for grad school in Oregon. 

So no, I'm not there yet.  But I really have learned quite a lot this year about what I want and more importantly, what I don't want.  I will not look back on 23 as a waste of time, but as a year of growing up and all that chaos of beauty and disgust that came with it.

And so my wish for 24: a set up for 25.  I want 24 to be a preparation year.  I want to thoroughly research the next city I plan on living in.  I want to research the graduate programs I might be applying to.  I want to study for the GRE.  I want to open up into making new friends and spending less time on the computer and more time in the world.  I want to stop being so lazy.  I want to save up for trips.  I want to get a job I respect.  In short, I want to be proud of where I am in life by 25 and I'm excited to get ready for it.  

And you know what, I'm not afraid of getting older.  Honestly.  I had an epiphany this year that I am the same core person I've always been my whole life.  So while circumstances change and what I do or how I react or how I handle things might change, I am still and always the same core person I am.  I'm still going to be me at 30 and 40 and 50 and 60 and beyond.  So it's ok, you know?  And I'm looking forward to it.

So thank you, 23.  It's been a ride.

Day 325-- Wisdom from the launch pad

There are days when the right thing is said, and the right thing is heard.  And if you're lucky enough, it's your friend on the other line with that almost oracle wisdom that can create a storm of energy from a place in your soul you nearly forgot about amidst all the busyness of grocery store lines and punch time cards.

I spent all of Saturday doing my planning for an upcoming trip to the Bay Area, including diagrams of flight information and prices and if I would fly or drive and if my friends could pick me up half way and take me to my flight home.  So I called them and we talked.  And talked.  And glowed a little bit in excitement for the things to come.  I had a pen handy in talking to Jo so I'll share some wisdom from the launch pad.

My friend Jo:

"I know it sounds lofty, but say it and run with it." [on the topic of how we're uncomfortable that we want to get a master's degree.  Fuck, just say that we want one and run with it.]

"And we should.  Our twenties are the last time to be risky." [on why we should take the risk of moving somewhere new and entering grad school before family+house]

"Us women are so goddamn altruistic.  We need to be more selfish, bad-ass women." [on the topic of us stepping up but the guys in our lives floundering and us letting them drown us with them.] 

"This is about dreams, this is about goals, this is about personal projects." [on wanting to progress in our lives]

"When are we ever ready? Truly.  When are we ever ready?" [about life.]

We talked about friendship and life, and how in the next stage we really want to be in the right place.  And how place has somehow meant more than we thought.  The culture of the place, its values, its people, its sense of creativity, the way it will shape us.  What place do we want to be our home?  And of course, how we'll want to visit each other in our new homes, haha.

And I'm stoked for my trip.  I truly am, and as I said, "we're about to live our lives on purpose for the first time, and...I think it's just so great to have this sort of pause together before we go out there and launch." I'm hoping that this trip is a spring board for future travel to visit friends.  I'd love to make it out to New York, Texas, and maybe Arizona again some time in the next year.  So much to come.  Off and away!

Day 323-- "Despicable"

"Despicable human being" is such an ugly thing to call a person.  And so pathetically inaccurate.  Strangely humorous.  It's been 10 years since my parents separated and I have forgotten how ugly divorce can be.  The denial stage, the angry stage, the sad stage, more denial, more anger, and finally, either a real effort to make it work or peace to let it go.  

On the day my mom's divorce was finalized I bought her a Togo's sandwich, as it was a Togo's sandwich which was the final nail in the coffin.  We brought food home not knowing my dad would be home that afternoon and in anger he threw plate of old chicken across the room into the sink (shattering it).  Years later he would lament throwing the plate, but as I would explain over and over, it wasn't the plate.  She was waiting.  For a long time.  There was a bag clothes and shoes already in the car just waiting for the right moment.  I know where all of my suitcases are.

Day 319 (b)-- How to Lie to People, or, Comrades in the Service Industry

Late on a weekday the Canadian was sitting cross-legged on the semi-dirty kitchen floor with a heavy glass of wine in her hand.  I was in pjs leaning in the door frame, almost as weary after my almost 8.5+ hour shift at the hotel to her 10 hour shift serving at a restaurant. 

We exchanged notes about our day and shared a laugh at how well we lie.

Lie:  "Sorry that took a little longer, we were brewing a fresh pot of coffee for you."

Truth: I totally forgot about your coffee.

Lie: "Sorry we don't have any rooms ready just yet.  We sold out last night and housekeeping going on overdrive right now. Check-out isn't until 12 so we still have tons of people to kick out before we can clean your room (said jokingly)."

Truth: Housekeeping's at lunch.

Lie: Your kids are so cute!

Truth:  Assertive kids usually mean one of two things: (1) the kids are super cool and we enjoy talking to them and admiring their maturity. Or (2) these kids are terrors and will be the whole time. If the kid wanted chicken fingers two minutes and is now throwing a tantrum that she doesn't want chicken fingers anymore, please handle your child in public and stop asking her what she wants; she's 6; just order for her. On the other hand, if your kid is asking me for help about how to work the wi-fi on his computer I'm really proud of his mature confidence, but I am a little worried why you the parent are in your room letting your 10-year roam free and when I call your phone you sound strung-out on drugs.

Lie: We like all customers/guests equally.

Truth: Some stereotypes are true. There are certain groups who don't tip and other groups who constantly have no money on their credit cards.

Lie: We give everyone a fair chance to change their attitude.

Truth: Our instincts are usually dead on. If you seem like a bitch or an asshole you probably will be the whole time. We can usually figure out if you're going to complain to us or to the manager within the first impression. On my end, I rarely get creepy vibes from guests so when I do, I pay fucking attention and guess what, so do the rest of the staff. If you have a vibe that you may be a criminal or a predator the whole front desk is watching you and talking about you behind your back.

I have only felt afraid of one woman the whole time I've worked in the service industry which was extremely strange for me. There was a blankness about her, a deadness in how she stared at me. I felt a twinge of violence I haven't felt in years and wondered if perhaps the woman was an alcoholic or drug addict which would explain the darkness I couldn't identify. My co-worker felt something off about her as well. The next day she briefly lost her daughter and left her son, who didn't know how to swim, by himself at the pool. My co-worker who is also a part-time lifeguard went to the pool and thought that the woman might be a scam artist. Very strange.

Lie:  Any time we apologize about something that's not our fault. Sorry it's rainy outside and you decided to eat lunch on the patio. Sorry our room heaters only go to about 75, and not 85 like you like it. Sorry you don't like the French toast and you can't tell me why. Sorry you missed the shuttle to the park because you were just 3 minutes late.

Truth:  You wouldn't be happy even it was sunny, you room hot, you liked food like normal people, and you were on time. You like being miserable and shitty things happening to you because it confirms that you're right and they rest of us are idiots.

Lie: We pretend not to notice.

Truth:  We notice that you're unhappy in your marriage but your husband doesn't know. We notice your child runs the family. We notice that work is stressing you out. We notice that your sick. We notice that you're lonely. We notice that you're nervous. We notice that this meal, this vacation will be a memory for you.  We notice that you're a good person. We notice.

Day 319-- Iced Cafe Mocha recipe

I love me an iced cafe mocha.  There aren't better lovers than coffee and chocolate, so it's a real shame that cafes charge up the wazoo for a simple cup of chocolate, milk, and espresso.  Not to fret, there's super easy to make at home.  Technically, a proper mocha has espresso, not coffee like I'll be using, but seeing that espresso is simply extremely pressurized coffee beans with hot water and the fact that I was a barista for 4 years, I'm going to let it pass.

Iced Cafe Mocha

Prep time: 5 minutes

Cook time: none

Total time: 5 minutes

Ingredients

1 packet Nestle's Rich Hot Coco mix

1 inch of hot brewed coffee

2 inches of 2% milk

ice cubes

*optional whipped cream and chocolate syrup 

Directions

1.) Brew about a inch of coffee.  In tall glass pour the hot coco mix on the bottom.

2.) Once the coffee is done, pour about an inch of it into the glass, and mix well to dissolve the chocolate.  You'll have left-over coffee in the pot so if you like your mocha's with more caffeine definitely add the rest.

3.) Add the milk and stir.  Add the ice and stir. Done!

Review

Super sweet, delicious, a bit of energy kick, and $4 cheaper than Starbucks.  It's a winner!

Day 318-- Listomania

Hello, Friday.  

My head is absolutely buzzing which means it's time for my trusty inky pen and some paper for listomania.  I love lists.  I'm not super narcotic about finishing them, but they relieve my tension and organize all my buzzy little thoughts into coordinated columns.  Today's lists:

Things I want to do today:

1.) Go to Target to buy some Spring t-shirts, new bras, and maybe a Padres t-shirt. 

2.) Talk to Jo, though I already hit her voice mail

3.) Possibly see The Lady, a movie about the life of Aung San Suu Kyi in theaters today

4.) Maybe go to a bookstore

5.) Write down things I may want to buy myself on a little shopping spree, including salami, brie, some jam, a new box of Lady Grey tea, maybe a new camera, possible an iPhone before June, and some new candles

6.) Work on my blog post How to Lie to People, or, Comrades in the Service Industry

Things to research today:

1.) Do more research for my Fun Facts About Female Sexuality blog post

2.) Look into ordering my first GRE study book from Amazon

3.) Look into ordering a book about grad schools for communications in the Pacific Northwest

Things I have planned for the future:

1.) Do some adjustments to my Seattle/Portland trip to see the universities in Oregon

2.) See if I can stretch out my Bay Area trip one more day to see Jo and S---.  Hotels don't allow workers to take time off on weekends during the late sping/summer so it's going to be a bitch to do.  I'll try my best.

3.) Buy those San Diego Padres tickets for next weekend

4.) Possible write a review of The Ice Man Cometh

5.) Maybe post an entry for my Homemade Cafe Mocha Recipe

6.) Next meal ideas: I still have buttermilk so maybe another round of biscuits.  Maybe next weekend steak, green beans, and rice crispie treats.

Enjoyable things in the past 24 hours:

1.) Watching Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations in Turkey

2.) Long walk along the coast with the bf discussing woman's reproductive rights.  I view the issue of abortion not so much being an issue of ending life (which, come on, it is) but (1) a matter of reproductive choice and (2) that abortion is the END of the problem, and really we should focus on the BEGINNING of the problem which is availability of birth control and safe sex information.  Let's make each child wanted, for the idea that all pregnancies should led to birth is harmful for those unwanted children.  These children who are unwanted, perhaps from rape or incest, or perhaps in families who can't afford children or have abuse in the household--these children don't have a very high chance of being loved and cared for emotional nor financially, and have higher chances of growing up into the welfare system or prison system.  Children should be wanted for their sake, and for the betterment of society.  

He views abortion as an issue of ownership.  When life is killed by a person the government issues punishment for the person responsible, so where is the responsibility with abortion?  If it's not the mother's choice and not her responsibility of this future child's life and protection (and protection does include well-being) then it implies that the unborn child is the government's responsibility to protect--in other words, that child is government property. And that road of people being owned by the government is a dangerous path.  

3.) Researching all of the women who have ever won the Noble Prize.  44 woman have won the Noble Prize, and 16 women have won the Noble Peace Prize, the youngest winner was last year's Tawakel Karman who is 33 and the first Arab woman to win the prize, and only Madam Currey has won it twice though Françoise Barré-Sinoussi should have won it twice since she helped discover HIV (didn't win) but did win the prize for helping discover the HPV virus with cervical cancer. 

4.) Learning more about Mother Teresa and how she lost faith for a number of years, but will continue on the path of sainthood for her charitable work and evidence of miracles.  So far one miracle has been researched, resulting in her new title Blessed Mother Teresa.  One more miracle is needed for sainthood.

5.) Watching the trailer for the Bob Marley documentary, out on 4/20

6.) Listening to Damian Marley, Nas, and 50 Cent

7.) Rereading the meme Texts from Hillary. Sad it's over, but what a funny tumblr.  Love that Hillz added her own sense of humor of it. 

8.) Eating fried rice from Panda Express with potstickers. Yum! 

Day 316-- Easter Brunch Menu

Happy belated Easter! Without a doubt, Easter is one of my more favorite holidays and it keeps getting better.  I mean, Easter is all about brunch, chocolate, spending the day with people you care about, and a healthy sense of "renew" and "fresh beginnings".  

This Easter I really wanted to make a feast and bring people together.  Here was my menu.

Deviled Eggs with Chives

Prep time: none

Cook time: 25 minutes

Total time: 25

Servings: 4-6

Ingredients

6 large eggs

2 tbsp mayo

1 1/2 tps mustard

a splash of lemon juice

1/2 teaspoon paprika

1/2 teaspoon of chives

This is how you hard boil an egg:  You place your eggs in a pot with 1 inch of cold water on top of them. Bring to a boil, and as soon as it hits the boil point remove the pan from the heat.  Wait about 5 minutes to the water to cool enough to be able to scoop the eggs out with your hands.  Place the eggs in ice water for 1 minute.  Remove from the ice water and crack them slightly.  Place the eggs back in the water for about 5 minutes.  Take the eggs out and remove the shell completely.  There's a slight membrane that slides off easily.  Cut the eggs in half length wise and wiggle the yoke out. Combine the cooked yokes, mayo, mustard, lemon juice, paprika and a small bowl.  Fill the eggs and sprinkle the chives and a few dashes of paprika on top of them.  Done!

Mixed Green Salad with Grapes, Strawberries, and Bacon "Bunny" Ears

Prep time: 10 minutes

Cook time: 5-7 minutes

Total time: about 15 minutes

Servings: 4

Ingredients

Small head of green leaf lettuce

1/4 cup grapes

4 large strawberries

1 avocado

1 cucumber

4 stripes of bacon

Get out 4 small bowls, soup bowls, or use a large cucumber slices to create large rings aka a cucumber bowl.  Fill each bowl with lettuce, a few grapes, 1 strawberry cut into slices, and 1/4 of the avocado cut into cubes.  Start cooking the bacon.  Get a Y-shaped peeler and cut 4 long slices of the cucumber.  Wrap the cucumber slice ends to create 4 rings.  Once the bacon is cook, cut each strip into two pieces.  Once the bacon is cooled, place a cucumber ring on top of each salad bowl and place two pieces of bacon inside the salad popping out of the ring to look like bunny ears.  Done!

Cornish Game Hens with Rosemary and Lemon

Prep time: 20 minutes

Cook time: 1 hour

Total time: 1 hr and 20 minutes

Servings: 4

Ingredients

4 cornish game hens

salt and pepper

1 lemon, quartered

4 springs rosemary

3 tablespoons olive oil

4 cloves of garlic

1/3 cup white wine

1/3 cup low sodium chicken broth

Pull out your hens and clean them with cold water.  Pat dry and leave out for about 10 minutes for them to completely dry out of the water.  Preheat the oven to 450 degrees. Once they're dry, rub olive oil all over the hens (this will help with the golden color) and sprinkle generous amounts of salt and pepper.  Stuff each hen with 1 spring of rosemary, 1/4 of a lemon, and 1 clove of garlic.  Arrange in a shallow baking pan.  Bake for 25 minutes.  In a mixing bowl whisk together the white wine, chicken broth, and 2 tblsp of olive oil. Reduce oven to 350 degrees and pour the wine/broth/oil mixture over the hens.  Roast for 25 more minutes, and every 10 minutes baste the hens with the juiced in the pan.  Done!

Cheddar Herb Biscuits

Prep time: 10 minutes

Cook time: 15 minutes

Total time: 25 minutes
Servings: 4-5

Ingredients

2 cups of all purpose flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon sugar

*1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper (if you like a lil kick)

 2 tablespoons fresh chopped chives

1 tablespoon parsley

3/4 cup grated cheddar cheese

1 cup buttermilk

3 tablespoons butter, melted

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Line baking sheet with wax paper  In a bowl mix together all of the ingredients until a dough forms.  Use an ice cream scooper to scoop about 12 biscuits onto the baking sheet.  Brush the tops with melted butter.  Place in oven and bake for about 15 minutes.  Done!

Chocolate Covered Strawberries

Prep time: 10-20 minutes (depending on how many strawberries)

Cook time: none

Ingredients

1 large bin of strawberries

2 tubs of dipping chocolate (that hardens to a shell)

Follow the directions of the chocolate tub to melt it.  Mine asked to microwave for two minutes, and stir every 30 seconds.  Dip each strawberry inside the chocolate and lie on a wax paper to dry and harden.  Once all of the strawberries are done, arrange on plate in a pretty spiral.  Done! 

Food review

Excellent.  Everything was just excellent.  I think I'll scale back on the mustard next time for the deviled eggs, and I must be a wimp about cayenne pepper because half of the people eating them didn't notice spice at all.  Otherwise, the hens were absolutely perfect and so were the huge batch of chocolate covered strawberries.  And I was surprised that people liked the salad the best with the surprise use of cucumber, fruits, and bacon.  Lil sweet and salty.

And like what Easter is about.  It seems like many of us have been in our own worlds lately with too much work or not enough work and other outside stresses, and isn't it something how a good meal with the door open seems to bring neighbors and roommates out of the drag and into smiles and shared beer?  I love that.  And I love that we ate on the porch with mixed matched plastic lawn chairs and no tables.  I fucking hate kitchen tables.  And I hate fine china even more.  The way I see it, formality makes people act formal which is unnatural for the kinds of people I like to spend time with.  I've had so many better memories eating food while standing in door frames, or sitting on stairs, or sitting on communal couches.  I like my holidays loud and a little messy, and I think it makes life more fun.  It truly was an enjoyable holiday, and even though I had to work the last half of Easter it was nice being able to show up with plates in my hand for my beezies at the front desk.  Cheers, Happy Cooking, and Happy Spring!

Day 310-- Adventures at Planned Parenthood

"Sterilization" is not usually a menu item I expect to hear when I call a business.  Then again I'm also not accustomed to being offered free lube (don't need it but neat!), not having to pay for birth control, and talking to a receptionist behind bullet-proof glass.

Yes, it's that time of year to renew the old b.c.s and this year I don't have student health insurance.  Where to go?  Planned Parenthood, of course.

I admit I was a little nervous about the whole thing.  I wasn't quite ready to go to a new clinic after having such good experiences with my gynecologists at ASU where they all seem to have bemused non-phased expressions about anything they see.

So I got ready for my appointment this morning and was calmed by the waterfall structure outside the building with the sign "It's more important to be effective than important."  This calm was quickly extinguished once I saw that the receptionist was behind bullet-proof glass.  Really?  Is female reproductive health really so threatening to people that they have to murder receptionists?  Wouldn't you find it weird if you went to the doctor for like, an earache and the person checking you in was in a bullet-proof vest or something?  Turns out I was in the administration building by accident and she directed me to the building around the corner for the actual clinic.

The clinic, by the way, was behind two unmarked black doors tucked away in a building with Enterprise-Rent-A-Car and a gym, and accessibly only through an elevator lined with metal.  Seriously? 

I'm someone who is confident in my sexuality so can only image how terrifying it is for shy women to go to that PP.

Anyway I walk through the two black unmarked doors and lightly smile in line to hid my nervousness. This receptionist didn't have bullet-proof glass but she did have an attitude.  The lobby was tiny so we could all hear what everyone's health problem was.  Lady #1 needed to pick up her prescription, Lady #2 needed the morning after pill, I needed my yearly re-fill of birth control, Lady #3 wanted to get her pills there because she just started a new job and can't apply for their health care yet.  Heath care health care health care.  None of us had it.  And most of the women in the lobby were about 30ish.

As I filled out my paper work I was annoyed at the receptionist and the irony that she was chastising the morning after pill lady for not being responsible in setting up an appointment instead of being a walk-in.  Lady, if she was responsible she wouldn't be getting the morning after pill [laughs].

I was told to go in the back to pee in a cup for STD testing and get my finger pricked for my HIV test. FUCKING HELL it hurt to get my finger pricked.  When I got my last HIV test years ago all they had to do was swipe my inner check with a swab.  WTF? 

Another weird thing about Planned Parenthood, they had clinicians working there, not gynecologists.  I mean, they were able to help me but I guess I was just surprised.

Next up was the nurse who didn't make eye contact with me as she asked me the standard questions of when was my last period, how many partners have I had during the past year, do I do vaginal, oral, anal or all three, is anyone making me do something I don't want to do, have I have contracted an STD, when was my last pap smear, ect.  It was concerning how cold and profession she was.  I answered the questions--all the same healthy answers for the past 5 years.

The clinician came in who looked about 30 years old and male.  I've had a male gyno visit before so I thought I was comfortable with it [actually, my first pap smear was done by a male resident, with a male gyno supervising, and the required female nurse in the room.  I made them all laugh by saying, "I've never had this big of audience in my life!"]. So I don't mind guy doctors, but this guy's age was throwing me off.  He asked his round of questions and I told him the same story.  I've been on Kelnor for the past 3 years and I love it.  No problems.  No issues.  Same partner the past 5 years.  Only using the pill.  Got my last exam last May before graduation when I had student health care.  

I highly recommend Kelnor by the way.  I always start on a Tuesday morning, end by Friday night, with only slight cramping for a few hours, and day 1 is always super light.  

He wrote me a new year's worth of a prescription and told me that my brand isn't covered by PP but I could have free condoms and lube if I needed.  Really?  Free lube?  I mean, that's pretty neat that lube is covered but it seems kinda unnecessary and shouldn't that money be better spent on things like breast cancer treatment or something?

But as I neared the counter they handed me a green card and told me that my income is low enough that I qualify for state funding.  My whole visit was free.

I was further shocked when I went to Target to give them my new prescription for refills and I got my birth control for free.  WHAT? I COULD HAVE BEEN GETTING FREE BIRTH CONTROL THIS WHOLE TIME?!?!  Sweet!  Of course, I know it's not technically free. PP is funding in part by your tax dollars and mine.  So thanks! Lol. 

I admit I felt a little guilty taking the pills for free.  I mean, I am an able bodied person.  And shouldn't guys get some sort of medication equally free?  Or should I listen to my friend Jesús who think women should have free birth control because it helps the men who are their partners in not having children too.  I pay for plenty of things with my taxes as a citizen, like the roads, the sidewalks, the public school system, the prison system, the street lights, ect so I guess it's nice to get something for "free" which benefits my health. 

In conclusion, I am mixed about my experience at Planned Parenthood.  I got my visit for free, I was tested for free (negative for anything), and my birth control for free, so I'm grateful to save about $350 a year.  But they weren't especially nice and I wouldn't want to go for them if I had a health issue.

And it makes me miss my student health care when visiting the gyno was in the same building as the other kinds of doctor.  And I miss my favorite gynecologist who cared about safe sex and well-being sex.  She was always cheerful and open and with a wave of her hand was the 1st doctor to tell me we didn't need to use condoms anymore since we were tested and I was on the pill.  She also helped me with an article I was writing for class about vajazzling and told me that 90% of all of her patients shave some or all of their pubic hair and this number has increased the past 20 years.  She was also confident that I can be pregnant one day despite my tiny size and wanted to warn my friends and I that using thongs too frequently can cause yeast infections.  She's the reason I know that the longer you stay on a certain type of birth control pill the more effective it becomes, and she would never let me leave her office without reminding me to use the bathroom or squat after sex to flush out fluid to prevent infections, and to consider taking a multivitamin as I got older. I guess that's the trade-off when you pay for health care vs free health care and I'm not sure which is better.

Oh well!  For now I'm safe, healthy, didn't have to spend any money today, and I have two new packs in the drawer ready to go.  All in all, a successful day.  :)