I crave that metaphysical switch that simmers up somewhere between minutes 40 and 50 in a conversation; yards away from general updates and a few steps away from analysis. It's that switch that occurs when both talkers are placated from the whats and the whys and drift comfortably into the what-ifs. It's so rare these days with blitz quick conversations through Twitter and Facebook that last only a few lines and stay in the brain for far less than that.
I was on the phone with a college friend and somewhere in the context of post-grad so far, it's not too late to make different choices, and what would ourselves from 5 years ago think of us?, she said something clever I've been pondering since. She stated that college is our first meaningful choice, who we date is the second, and who we hang out with is around third.
Now, you can throw at me a half dozen counterpoints that parental pressure/finances/acceptance rate all make that college choice for you but frankly, those arguments are bullshit. If you're 18 you are free to go, not go, wait to go, save up to go, or do something completely different.
College: to go, not to go, where to go, how to pay for where you go, will you wait to go, will you stay in the place you went, will you return to where you came from?
This friend of mine had been accepted to a college in Switzerland and almost went there to study international relations, but chose to go to Arizona State instead because of cost. Now she works at a media company a million miles away from international law.
Who we date: what is this person into, is this what we'll be into, what experiences will we gain with this person, what will we sacrifice to be with this person, what direction will we head with this person?
In choosing to date long-distance I was gone for 1/4 of all of my college weekends and all of my summers. What kind of life would I have built if I had the time out there? If I was single would I have taken the LSATs and moved to Portland, Oregon studying intellectual property rights? Then again, I would have never moved to San Diego, just a few blocks from the ocean, waking up late next to a guy who loves me and will sing Kesha just to make me laugh as we cook together.
Who we hang out with: what interests are we going to be exposed to, what networking will we build, what friendship will last our lifetimes, what choices will we make to be better people or worse people because of our clique?
Both my friend and I have a mixed group of friends which we have partied with and have loved, but at this stage of ignorance of what's next, it would be nice to have a support group in our field of interest to give us advise and courage.
Choices. The first choice, the second choice, the third choice, the next choice. Post-grads enter a world of stifling choice. We've been coasting on, for the most part, responsive choices over the past 4 years. For example, if we need a class to graduate the most basic choice is whether or not to take it, but many of us will make the 'yes' choice rather easily and instead focus on the less important responsive choice of when to actually take it. Post-college is not like that. Each choice has a magnitude of repercussions of where we end up. Choices also have a longevity we're not accustom to.
In college, a choice lasts maybe 4-5 months. Hate that you took the class? It'll be over at the end of the semester. Don't like the job? They'll understand if you have to quit because you're going to be gone all of of Winter Break or you're classes are too stressful that semester. There is an acceptable expiration date for nearly all choices. In real life, taking that shitty job might turn into a shitty career, or too much of a delay for you to return to your original dream career.
The crux of what I'm getting to is that every choice matters now. Me living here in San Diego, me dating my boyfriend, the friends I make out here, the job I end up taking out here, how long I stay here, what I learn here--every choice. It's daunting, it's exciting, it's like a combination lock where the first number choice determines if it will open for you or not.
"Dreams are made once choice at a time."
2 comments:
Love your last line about the combo lock, it's true in college you do get to be a picky and do whatever really, but in real life, every decision is going to matter much more. Can't wait to see where we'll both be 10 years from now! eek! lol
Did I mention to you on the phone that I wrote down a predictions list? Around graduation I wrote a letter to myself about what was going on in my life + memories of college + predictions. I'd be interested if you did the same and we compared in 10 years =)
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